I have this weird thing about not showing weakness. I’ve always tried to be one of the boys- I’m crude, I curse, I’m sarcastic, and I can spit (but I usually don’t unless I had to run for a few minutes and I’m dying). Going right along with my “tough guy” exterior is my rejection of crying in public. I hate crying. When my emotions betray me and the flood gates open I usually seek refuge in a bathroom or at home in the corner of my room with my stuffed bunny wabbit cleverly named Bunny.
Well, this Sunday I spoke to my church congregation and totally lost it. I didn’t know I was going to cry. I’m still furious with myself for allowing the tears to flow. The church was debating a trivial issue, but I spoke about something a little deeper and apparently my emotions just weren’t having it. It’s hard to talk when you’re trying not to cry; probably the hardest thing in the world (excluding child birth and combat).
The sad and painful truth is that I’m a chronic crier. I cry when I hear “Thinking Out Loud” [Ed Sheeran] and “You’re Gonna Miss This” [Trace Adkins]. This weekend I caught the end of Valentine’s Day– you know, the part where Julie Roberts comes home to her son? Yep, I cried. Weddings and funerals figuratively kill me. (Ehhh, no pun intended there…) In private I am the sappiest sap ever.
But let’s keep pretending that I’m one of the boys. I mean, boys cry, too, right?
Have you ever had a breakdown in public? How do you handle those moments?