Let’s get real today, friends. Do you ever look in the mirror and thing to yourself, “Oh crap”? I consider my Facebook and Instagram to be pretty honest representations of my life (food, dogs, sarcastic interactions), but they still represent edited snapshots of my life. Here’s the real story: I wake up late every morning. I skip dogs walks at least twice a week because I’m too tired. My toe nail polish is so chipped it belongs in an ancient Greek museum. My husband left for +1 week and I drank wine every night and had cereal for dinner. I’m sitting here writing this eating Ramon noddles for breakfast.
I mean, these aren’t huge confessions, but they’re the parts of life that make me feel like I’m totally screwing everything up. I have this dream of opening a dog shelter/sanctuary… guess what I’m doing to make this dream come true? NOTHING. Guys, Emma Watson is my age and she has already been Hermione, a UN ambassador, and a college graduate. I guess one out of three ain’t bad for me. #ugh
So here we go…
I’ve already designed and ordered my Christmas cards. Some would say I’m ahead of the pack… I would say I’m a nutcase.
I’ve joined a writers FB group and made some friends on #NaNoWriMo, but I still haven’t hit 2,000 words. #writingfail #thenextgreatJKRowling #NOT
(Sidenote: If you want to be my writing buddy on the site my username is audielou)
I’M SO PUMPED FOR CHRISTMAS! #sorryThanksgiving #MyMantelIsAlreadyAWinterWonderland
I love judging all the parenting choices people make when they bring their children shopping at my retail store… Yes, the employees do absolutely judge you. #I’mSorry #IfYouThreatenToPutTheItemBackAndYouDon’tFollowThroughIAmJudgingYou
GUYS. I was watching (and cracking up to) SNL’s Weekend Update Saturday night and replied to Taylor Wolfe‘s tweet AND COLIN JOST FREAKIN’ LIKED IT! #I’mACelebrity #DoesThisMeanWe’reDating #You’reFunnyButI’mMarried
I swear I’m trying to #hashtag correctly but I just can’t leave out punctuation #ApostrophesShouldCount #ContractionsHappen
Have you guys seen Casual on hulu? I LOVE IT and I’m so obsessed with Alex. I know he was Josh on The Mindy Project but he’s MUCH cuter as a sex addict (vs. cocaine addict). #DidThatEvenMakeSense? #AddictionIsn’tCute #GonnaStopWhileI’mAhead
I don’t know what to get my husband for Christmas… but I’m killin’ it with all my other gifts… #WifeOfTheYear
Also, I have this irrational fear that when I find the perfect gift for friends or family they will some how find it and buy it before I can gift it to them. #ItHappens #CanIJustGiftYouNow?
I’m not allowed to watch Criminal Minds when K isn’t home. Truthfully, I just can’t handle it. Like, earlier this week the office phone rang (in the basement) and my first thought was, ‘Oh my gosh, someone is luring me down there so they can grab me and slit my throat! (I hope they don’t hurt the dogs.)’ #IHaveAProblem #I’mGoingToGiveMySelfAHeartAttack
I wish I was kidding… Last night I went to dinner in a downtown area of a bigger city and was scared sh*tless to walk to and from my car. #HelpMeDr.Reed #HelpMeAgentMorgan #HelpMeTomCruise
I purchased a Harry Potter Adult coloring book for myself. #IAmInsanelyHappyAboutThis #INeedMoreColoredPencils
I love following bloggers on Snerpchert. Also, my husband got the app just so he could snap me from TX. My favorite ones right now are thenewwifestyle & thedailytay #IDidn’tUsedToGetTheTrend #NowIDo #DogSnerpchertsAreMyFav
Ok…. I think that’s more than enough.
Tell me tell me, what are your major confessions this week? This was fun! I might partake more often!