Things I Never Knew I Never Knew

*cue Pocahontas singing here…*

pocahontas

So here’s an embarrassing story…

Once upon a time I was on a family vacation with my family and husband. My guess is we were headed to Tennessee for a NASCAR race, but it could’ve been our trip to the beach. The destination really isn’t important. Just know this was only a year or two ago…

Like all family vacations, we stopped at every rest stop. My father and husband have thimble size bladders. This was actually a conversation at a family dinner a few nights ago… Apparently my whole family is cursed with small bladders. Mine is a champ. But I digress.

So we stopped at one of these handy little concrete buildings and everyone did their business and climbed back into the car. My dad then tells this story while trying to hold back inappropriate giggles:
“So I went into the bathroom and this older gentleman in sweatpants was using the urinal and the poor guy’s rear end was hanging out of his pants. It was quite distracting. I hate when that happens.”

Everyone had a good laugh, self included. The car fell silent for a moment and then I made a comment along the lines that he was probably just old and couldn’t bend over to pull his pants down. Then everyone looked at me. Then all the men in the car lost it.

“Wait… you think men pee with their pants around their ankles?” asked my husband between gasps for air.

I didn’t reply.

“She does think that!” howled my Dad. My mom was now snorting in the front seat.

“Audrey, only little kids learning how to stand and go pull their pants to their ankles and hold their shirts up to their chin,” explained my brother once he could breathe again. “Guys just… they just unzip and go.”

And that’s when I learned how men pee. I was 23.

Quiet honestly, I still imagine that guys drop their pants and hold their shirts up. It just seems more logical.

Signature

Advertisements

18 thoughts on “Things I Never Knew I Never Knew

  1. bahahahaha! Oh my goodness this cracked me up! I can imagine that there was a point when I thought men pulled their pants all the way down, but I think I was corrected by 23. lol Haven’t you seen men peeing at a urinal from behind in movies or something? lol Although, this does sound like something I would say in front of my whole family… I’ve been known to make a fool of myself like that.

    Like

    1. To be totally honest, I thought movies did that just for modesty… HAHAHA! And that’s all the more thought I ever put into it! It totally makes sense to just, ya know, unzip and go, but that was NOT how it happened in my mind. Now I’m giving it too much thought and am in need of a totally mind-eraser. Hahaha.

      Like

    1. Ha, it’s ok to laugh at me. It’s something I didn’t/don’t think about often so I just said what was going on in my brain without thinking… lol. Well, now I know πŸ˜‰ Ha!

      Like

  2. I dont get the whole peeing next to each other thing anyways πŸ™‚

    BTW, I read the first part & saw ‘bladders’ – for some reason, I was reading it as BLADErs – I was like, what’s a blader? Knives? They all have small knives? … I was so confused. haha πŸ™‚

    Like

    1. RIGHT?? I mean, how hard would it be to put up little half-walls between each spot? I don’t understand the men’s room one bit. I’m glad we have our own! Ha!

      Hahaha, “bladers”…. I can see how that would be confusing! πŸ˜€

      Like

    1. THANK GOODNESS I’m not the only one. Once my family so lovingly and gently corrected me I was like, ‘Oh… yeah… I guess that makes sense.’ I guess it’s a good thing we’re not guys πŸ˜€ Haha!

      Like

  3. LOL this was perfect for a laugh this Monday! I have to say I knew this one, but this sort of thing happens to me all the time. Like buying earrings with my little sister a couple weeks ago and buying a pair of earrings with the jacket backs… my sister made a comment like “oooh and then you can use these studs with those backs.” And my mind exploded. Never had I ever considered I could switch the backs on pairs of earrings. *Facepalm* I’ve been doing it wrong for so long!

    Like

    1. Hahahaha! I mean, I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent human being… but sometimes I just don’t think about these things! They are how they are in my brain and it just makes sense! Hahaha!

      Like

  4. Hahahaha that cracks me up! It reminds me of people who take off all their clothes to go number two. I have no idea where I read this, but there are seriously people who get completely naked, even in public bathrooms… And I’m talking adults.

    Like

    1. It’s really hard for me to think of embarrassing stories because I do dumb things all the time and I’m just used to it… but this one stuck in my head for some reason πŸ˜‰ I’m glad you got the Pocahontas reference immediately! Haha!!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s