My Family

Before I begin I’d like to announce that my brain is complete mush. I have been so efficient and organized for the last few months (planning Easter, mom’s birthday, our NASCAR trip, sprucing up the house, etc.), and then on Thursday I opened my eyes at 7:58 am (don’t be mad at me, Kyle) and tripped over myself trying to get to work. I’m supposed to be there at 8am; thank goodness for 3 minute commutes. (I was 15 minutes late.) So I’m pretty much a mess. Also, this should be an April book review, but I didn’t finish that many so I’m saving it for May. Also also, sorry for all the shameless links back to other posts. #ImNotSorryThough

Ok. Moving on. Today I’m going to rant…

On Wednesday my husband and I celebrated 3 years as a married folk. The December before we got married we adopted Lylee and the December after we got married we brought home Enzo. There are four beating hearts in my happy little family.

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Honestly, I don’t get too worked up when people ask me when we’re having kids. Usually it’s friends & family members that are emotionally invested in our lives and genuinely care about us and our someday-growing family. It’s not a big deal. I think 95% of the time I just smile and say, “Not yet.” The question is usually innocent and worded just like I said: When are you guys going to have kids?

Here’s what we hate (Kyle gets SO angry)… Do not ask me when we’re going to “start a family.” Do not imply that I don’t have a family because I don’t have mini-humans running around my house. Do not lessen the love that I have for my husband and for my dogs by suggesting that we’re not a family without children. Someone- an acquaintance, not even a friend- once asked my husband this question and he looked them dead in the face and said, “We are a family. We’ve been a family for a while now.”

Even without the dogs, K and I are a family. (Although let’s be real, we’re never truly without the dogs. Haha.) I’m totally ok fielding the kid questions- but don’t challenge the legitimacy of my family.

And that’s the end of my rant. Maybe that was more like a PSA?

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30 thoughts on “My Family

  1. Congrats on the anniversary!!!! I love random posts (and this didn’t feel like a rant!). Also, what a great way to handle the aquaintance’s question. I have a 3-month-old now, but whenever someone would ask us when we’re having kids (mostly my high school students!) I feel like I got so flustered that I shut them down so quickly and made it sound like “OMG KIDS? WE HATE KIDS.” Needless to say my class was SO shocked when I said I was pregnant. (They actually asked, “wait but you don’t like kids!” Hahaha). OOOOPS.

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    1. I totally understand the frantic response. I’m always so tempted to respond with, “Are you actually asking me about our sex life??!” Haha! I’ve decided that “not yet” is just the safest way to go 🙂 And CONGRATULATIONS on your little one! (I haven’t been following you long enough to see the whole pregnancy journey but that’s so awesome!)

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  2. I’ve been asked the kids question for years, too. My husband and I dated for eight years and were married for two, so I have felt like we a family for a while, now. I can understand your husband being annoyed. Your family is the people/animals that mean home to you.

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      1. Definitely true 🙂 I didn’t even catch the past-tense “were”, lol! We plan to have kids someday- I’m just not positive when! Haha! So “not yet” is as honest as I can be! Lol

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  3. Rant away – this makes me ragey too! I absolutely HATE the term DINK(Double Income No Kids) considering we’d like kids but since we want the best for them we’re choosing not to have them right now.

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    1. Whoa… I’ve never heard that term! I guess that describes us, though… Is it supposed to be derogatory? Because right now I’m TOTALLY ok with having a double income and no kids! Haha!

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  4. Can I tell you I LOVE THIS POST!!!
    Not having children of my own, I STILL get the comments or statements about if I ever regret not having a ‘family’… I have a husband, a never ending rotation of dogs, step children, grandchildren from my step children… dont tell me I dont have a family. So irritating.

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    1. Oh my gosh… How can people even ask you that??! Especially YOU! I feel like everyone that walks into your life is treated like family!! People are so clueless sometimes!

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  5. You know how I feel about this. Totally agree with your husband. It’s cliche, but it’s true: there is NO WRONG WAY to make a family.

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  6. yeeeees! i absolutely and totally agrees that two people make up a family (of course dogs are an added bonus). my husband even said that a few years ago to me that “he can’t wait to start a family with me” and i got all huffy and puffy and said “we, good sir, are absolutely already a family!” now he’s great about saying “we are expanding our family!” much better.

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  7. I SO AGREE. Even without dogs, you would be a family (same for Michael and I!). Also, for people who don’t want to have kids/don’t plan to have kids/or maybe just can’t have kids, how frustrating would it be to hear that?! Not everyone chooses to have kids, and some people don’t even have the option (I know there’s adoption and fostering and all that, but I’m sure some people choose not to go that route if they can’t conceive). Ugh. End rant. 🙂

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    1. Yep yep yep. I can’t imagine fielding that question & knowing that you can’t have children 😦 I definitely think of K and I as a family- the dogs are just an added bonus 🙂 Families come in all shapes and sizes!

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  8. Personally, I feel this is always an acceptable rant. After all, aren’t we a society that should know by now that “families” come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and configurations? Yes. We should know this. And, it is not too much for ask for people to think before speaking.

    I’m 42 and never birthed a baby. I have faced such questions at different times in my life. I am especially offended by people who seem to treat me like I’m less of a person, less of a woman because of this.

    I agree with Kyle. You ARE a family 🙂

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    1. It’s starting to feel less rant-y and more common sense-y. I don’t understand the female baby requirement. I have never in my life looked at a man or woman as less of a person because they didn’t have kids. It’s never crossed my mind- and I know plenty of people & couples that DO have kids and don’t have kids. My uncle and late aunt didn’t have kids and, even as a kid myself, I never questioned their legitimacy as a family. It’s annoying (and rude and hurtful), and I’m sorry you’ve been faced with so much disrespect on that front!

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  9. oooooh, the kid question. i didn’t mind it so much at first, but because jason and I got married young people would REALLY press us… like we got married to have kids or were accidentally pregnant when we got married. neither of which were true and now, five years later, every one’s really cooled off. BUT, on the reverse side, we’ve been trying for over a year and sometimes the question just stings. like to answer is to reveal that something isn’t just TA DA magically working and then they offer advice (that i don’t really want at this point) or tell me how sorry they are with a frown-y face. sooooo, no feelings really and ALL THE FEELINGS. 🙂

    (also dogs TOTALLY COUNT as family members because WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH ABOUT THEIR FURRY BUTTS??)

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    1. Dogs 100% count as family 🙂 It’s totally crazy, but I’d do anything for my fur babies ❤ ❤ ❤

      Ugh, the question was SO frequent at first when we got married. People have backed off a bit so I don't mind giving my "not yet" answer now… but when they imply that we're not a family I just get so bent out of shape!

      And it has to be SO incredibly frustrating to be working on adding babes to the mix and have people nose-in and ask about it, then give advice! No no no! That's 100% between you & your hubby & maybe a doctor (and who ever YOU'D like to let in on it). Sometimes people just don't think 😦

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  10. Preach, girl friend!! I understand why some friends and family might be a little nosy about when (or if) you’re having children… but at the end of the day, it’s not really anyone’s business but you and the hubby, you know? And of course you’re already a family! It doesn’t take human little ones to make it… although a furball or two helps 🙂

    Reg and I occasionally get the marriage question, since we’ve been together over 7 years, live together, etc. But we’ve been pretty vocal about it not being right for us, at least at this time. Still, whenever his mom gets drunk, she pesters us about settling down and popping out some babies… and I just take it as a compliment that she wants me to be part of the family, haha.

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    1. I love how you spin the dreaded question into a compliment 😉 Haha! When strangers ask me about kids I get super peeved. Like, how is that ANY of your business? What if we just don’t want them? Or can’t have them? Friends and family are usually just curious. Or it’s my mom asking if we can go to Disney next summer or will we have a baby? Hahahaha. (Disney, it is, by the way!!)

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