I am a Woman & That’s OK

There are a million veins pumping blood and life into the issue of women’s rights but I’m going to try to touch on a small cube from the tip of the iceberg. Recent events such as the election and the Olympics have stirred the pot for me but the idea of it being “ok” that I’m a girl has always been something I’ve consciously thought about. a.k.a. Not apologizing for the fact that I’m female.

A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a young girl and she was openly asking me question after question about getting her period for the first time. Essentially, I reassured her that when she gets her period it’s going to be 100% normal and it’s nothing she should be embarrassed about. Frankly, it took me a long time to realize that myself. I was the kid who hid my face while bra shopping or buried the pads underneath the cereal boxes at the grocery store. Being a kid was hard enough but adding all that girl stuff on top of it?? Mortifying.

BUT WHY?

Why the hell are girls taught to be embarrassed about being “on our period.” Um. Hello. Thanks to that 5 or 6 day step in our cycle the female body is cleansed and prepped FOR EVERYONE IN THE WORLD TO BE BORN. So, essentially, you’re welcome. (Yes, Tr*mp, we do have blood coming out of who knows where. Your mother did, too, so she was able to birth your pathetic ass.) #SorryImNotSorry, but I’m not embarrassed to menstruate. I’m not embarrassed to say it (or type it). And if my face breaks out or my mood shift a little bit during that week (because of hormones which everyone has) I don’t feel the need to apologize because why the hell would I? I don’t answer to anyone as far as what mood I’m allowed to be in.

deal with it

So there’s that. But let’s take it a step further.

Did you catch the Olympic drama? (No, not the phony robbery story.) The part where people made a big deal out of the media focusing on the men that medal-winning female athletes are married to/coached by or “owe it all to.” Here’s my two cents: Being married to a man or being coached by a man is fine and dandy. Giving them a nod is fine and dandy. Being defined as so-and-so’s wife/daughter/friend is not fine and dandy. SAY HER NAME. SAY HER SPORT. MAKE HER THE HEADLINE. We work for our accomplishments and we own our accomplishments. When you boil it down, these women won their medals because of who they are- not because of anyone else. This is the story/tweet I’m specifically talking about.

Heaven forbid a woman (especially a married one) have her own identity.

(Am I blowing it out of proportion? I don’t think so. Men typically don’t have to deal with this shit. Why do we?)

We don’t owe it to anyone. No one permits me to do anything. I have double X chromosomes and that’s fine. I’m equal. Use our freaking names.

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And another thing. A few days ago on the radio I was listening to a deejay rag on someone for taking his wife’s name. They he invited people to call in. A large majority said that women should just take the man’s name and get over it. (LOLOLOL seeing red right now.) <- I hope you felt the sass in that sentence.

I took my husband’s name. I didn’t have a problem with it. But if I’d wanted to keep mine then I’d have f-ing kept it. Because I have the right to do what I want with what I have. Get off our ovaries and you deal with it, DeeJay Dickhead.

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I specifically sought out Sloan Sabbith gifs because she’s a feminist goddess and I love her.

Do not treat me as less of a human. Do not pay me less. Do not talk down to me. Why is this a hard concept?

So there’s where I stand on the whole matter. Menstruation, ovulation, vagina, ovaries, breasts, etc. are not taboo words. Every single person on this earth came from a woman so have some respect and treat us like equals and say our f-ing name.

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42 thoughts on “I am a Woman & That’s OK

  1. I particularly like your ❤ Louise signature after your sassy post! 😛 In all seriousness I totally agree. With all of it. Tr*mp is a ridiculous human, and as much as I am pro-woman etc. etc. I'm not H*lary's biggest fan either. Certainly concerned for the US's future. If I'm being honest, but that's just my 2 cents. I definitely agree here, thanks for the post! In sort of a twist on this, I don't particularly like when sometimes feminists make other women (even also feminists) feel bad about their own decisions. I think that's the whole point… to let women choose for themselves… but on occasion I feel like women feel shamed for taking their husband's last name, or wanting to stay home with their children, or any other "traditional" decision. When that really defies the whole point in letting women CHOOSE what they want to do. It's a bit of a double edged sword. So I try to do my best to reign in my judgyness.. and try to see others' perspective before I put my foot in my mouth. XO – Alexandra

    Simply Alexandra: My Favorite Things

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    1. Hahaha, I didn’t even think twice about me sign off… lol.
      I think that Tr*mp is a hate-filled, fear mongering monster, but I’m not necessarily “with her” either. Quite frankly, I swing Republican when it comes to the economy. But I refuse to vote for someone because “my party” says he’s the guy. I’m not a robot and I vote for me and my country and my conscious- not for a stupid party. So nope-ity nope nope to Tr*mpDump.
      I know that I can be/have been/will probably be judgemental in my life. I try not to be. If you want to wear shorts that show your butt cheeks that’s fine. I’m not going to wear that and I might look at you funny, but do what you want. And no one has a right to touch you or attack you because of those shorts. Do whatcha want (as long as you’re not harming people). 🙂

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    1. And also, no, you are not blowing that out of proportion. They spent way more time talking about her husband than they did her.

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      1. I understand connecting famous people to other famous people… but that shouldn’t be the HEADLINE. Grrr. And in that Chicago Tribune article I think they mentioned her husband in nearly every paragraph. WTF.

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  2. It was just released that my state is the #8 WORST state when it comes to women’s rights in work places. Doesnt surprise me. I work in a place that is FULL of man power & ignores the women. Its ridiculous. I could get on this bandwagon with you.

    I can remember the days WAYYYY back when I started my period. It was such a hush-hush thing. Almost made it embarassing. That’s so dumb. I think people talk more about things which is a good thing. I can remember a commercial coming on when I was little & it said the word “Period” (It was a Stayfree commercial) – it was the BIGGEST DEAL. & now, there’s commercials that talk about erections that last for over 4 hours, go to the ER. HAHA… times change.
    But some stupid things stay the same.

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    1. I don’t know about your work, but those kinds of settings remind me of Mad Men (which then seem archaic to me). My workplace has the men in more-powerful positions and the women typing behind computers, but it’s only because the guys want the jobs they have and the women want the jobs they have. The opportunity is certainly there for women. I’ve never been made to feel like I’m “less” because I don’t hold a higher position.

      Ha. I have absolutely NO problem talking about that stuff in front of K and I’m much more open about it than I used to be. I was mortified as a teen, but I hope that when we have kids (girls) I can encourage them to be open and shameless about something that’s 100% NOT shameful. Society is such a bully.

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  3. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS AND IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT!!!! Alllll the praise hands emojis for you. We are not defined by whatever man we are attached to. (I so hate when people make the argument, “She’s someone’s daughter/sister/wife/mother” because HELLO, SHE IS A PERSON! When it’s a man, you don’t say, “He’s someone’s brother/son/husband/father.”) And what the heck with the judging about the name changing. I changed my last name, but a woman should be able to choose to hyphenate, keep her name, change her name, combine last names, and a man should be able to choose that too. Also YES to the stupid stigma about periods. Annd when you commented and mentioned Olivia Munn (who I lurve) I didn’t know she was a feminist badass on TV. I only watched a few episodes of The Newsroom (thought it was that show, had to Google to be absolutely sure) but now I feel like I MUST watch the whole series. That rant he goes on about the US not being the greatest country in the world is my favorite. So I’m sure the feminist warrior stuff does not disappoint either!

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    1. As soon as I read your first sentence I started cracking up 😀 Haha!

      And I’d argue that people DO say, “He’s someone’s son/father/brother” but ONLY during the sentencing when the judge is trying to decide if he should punish someone for assaulting someone else. GRRRRRR.

      I know Aaron Sorkin (the writer for The Newsroom) isn’t always known for writing strong female characters, but Olivia Munn really does kill it as Sloan Sabbith. I love her to the point it concerns Kyle… ha.

      K really wanted me to take his name and I never had a real issue with leaving mine behind (I was sad, but I wasn’t devastated or dejected). That said, I think people should do whatever the hell they want to. I mean, I agree with making the decision as a married couple but if your future husband is THAT hell bent on a name then maybe he’s not the one……. 😉

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  4. Preach!! I have a confession. I never really thought about some of these things before. Especially the “she’s so and sos wife.” It would be interesting to go back and see it from your perspective!

    (For the record, not saying I disagree, just saying I appreciate another view on these topics!)

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    1. It took an article pointing it out to me before I was like, “Wait a minute…”
      I get the idea of connecting a more famous person to another famous person, but when I read the article from the Chicago Tribune they STILL continued to lace the football player’s achievements and athletic career in with the story that was supposed to be about Cory.
      Ridiculous, in my opinion.

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  5. I just wrote the longest comment on my computer and it didn’t show up so I’m trying on my phone now.

    Basically yes to all of this!!!

    I used to be embarrassed about my period but now I’m not. Who the hell cares? Like you said, the people in the world are here because of that. From idiots like trump to people like mother theresa, we all came from mothers who bled every month. Who gives a damn. Science is awesome.

    I do refer to people by way of their spouses or whatever but only in real life like when KC asks who’s texting me, I say Mary, and I have to say lances wife because he has no idea who Mary is, but he knows lance. You know? But other than that, no. And I don’t do it for people I don’t know like the girls in the Olympics because I don’t know them or their coaches or husbands or whatever. People are so stupid.

    Oh and I totally took my husbands name because I’d wanted to get away from my fathers name for like 20 years haha. I would have changed it to banana hammock if that was his last name, I just wanted to get away from my maiden name.

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    1. I HATE when my long comments get deleted. It’s seriously the worst feeling as a writer.

      I think the science behind a woman’s cycle is freaking fascinating. And the likelihood of pregnancy and ovulation and conception is crazy cool. Science is awesome.

      I think that when you identify someone by someone known or famous it’s totally acceptable, but that article that I was specifically talking about (that was supposed to be about the athlete, Cory) went on to include her husband and his team in nearly every paragraph. That’s ridiculous… (But I understand/agree with using connections to identify people.)

      I took K’s last name and I’m glad that I did (though I love my former name and my family all the same). If we have daughters some day who want to keep our name when/if they get married then more power to them. If not, that’s fine, too. Haha!

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  6. I’m giving you a virtual standing ovation.
    Really. Why were we ever embarrassed to buy feminine hygiene products? Now, I just slap my tampons down and go. I remember a girlfriend of mine and I talking one time about a boyfriend of hers finding a douche box under her sink and teasing and ridiculing her to tears. I was all like “F— that! He’d be the first one to want you clean, sanitary, healthy, fresh, and smelling nice. So, if & when you use a product for that purpose he’s going to make fun of you to the point of tears?! Hell to the no!” She said “you’re right, I hadn’t even thought of it that way.” She went and shamed him, and I was proud.
    As for names, I kept my maiden name. I married Neil when I was 40 something. I figured I’d been “Erin Gray” this long, it would just be weird to not be Erin Gray. Plus, immigration is difficult enough with enough bureaucratic hoops to jump through. I didn’t feel like adding a legal name change to that mess. He was totally fine with it. My business cards do have his name because our business is the family name.

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    1. It really is crazy that we’re shamed into concealing anything that has to do with our reproductive cycle/sex. Everyone thinks pregnancy is the most wonderful thing but no one wants to talk about the parts and liquids and prep work that goes into making pregnancy happen! For a culture that’s obsessed with sex we suck. In that regard, really it’s only men that are allowed to be sex-centric according to society. Heaven forbid a woman talk about it/have stuff in regards to sex/actually have sex. It really is crazy infuriating.

      I was sad to see my last name go but happy to get K’s. I didn’t want a hyphen and I didn’t want to get rid of my middle name (…obviously, ha.. I used it for my blog because I love it) so I was perfectly fine with taking Kyle’s.

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  7. i love this SO much!!!!!!!!!! thank you for writing this and being exactly who you are. i totally was the same when it came to my period for the first few years. then a few weeks ago i was shopping for pads and DEPENDS (because you need those after you give birth) and i found myself almost hiding them. then i thought “nope. this needs to be normalized…they go right next to my wheat thins.” thank you for this!

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  8. I agree all the way. Also, anybody can change their name to whatever they want. I changed my name, but if my husband wanted to change his name instead, that’s cool. Women should have equal freedom to men. I especially think of this a lot now with the whole returning to work/not returning to work thing after baby choices to women. To each person their own choice.

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    1. I totally don’t understand people that feel like things need to be a certain way because that’s how they’ve always been (i.e. a woman changing her name). Like, why??! Ha. We should encourage diversity and choices!
      I will admit that I still catch myself raising an eyebrow or rolling my eyes at other women for lifestyle choices but I’m trying very, very hard to change my mentality and say, “To each their own” when it comes to others 🙂

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  9. Okay, I didn’t read the comments so maybe someone else already said this, but did you hear about the female swimmer who won a medal and then in her interview post-race admitted that she wasn’t sure how well she would do because she’s on her period and not feeling great? They were talking about it on the radio one day and were saying how awesome it was because people were all like, she said what??? but how it was showing girls that you can be on your period and it’s not crazy and you can still kill it at the Olympics! Getting the conversation started or going or whatever. I think mostly I just feel awkward about my period because I’m bleeding and it’s kind of just a gross concept that maybe I don’t want to broadcast to everyone I know, but I’m not ashamed of it, if that makes sense. Anyway, good topic! 🙂

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    1. Totally makes sense. I don’t wear a shirt that says, “I’m on my period” but I’m not shy about buying pads or tampon, or talking with others about our bodies and what they do.
      I think I did hear something about the interview. Like… it’s NO surprise that a women has a one in four chance of being on her period that week. Why SHOULDN’T that swimmer talk about it?? Haha! I’m glad she normalized the conversation and said what she was thinking!

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  10. Thank you so much for writing this. I completely agree – there is no reason women should be embarrassed or ashamed about getting periods or buying tampons and there is no reason society should reinforce this embarrassment and shame. thank you so much for speaking about this issue

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