Recently I’ve noticed that it irritates the hell outta me when women say, “I don’t really like to hang around other women. All my friends are guys. I like to hang with the men.” I used to say these kinds of things myself. (I bet I still do sometimes…) And maybe you’re a female and a large percentage of your friends really are men- that’s not what actually irritates me. To me, this attitude/mentality, in and of itself, is what propels the societal norm of girl-on-girl sabotage/jealous/hate. Like it’s somehow better to strictly be friends with men. Like women are an inferior species to spend your time with.
I have always had a mixed group of friends. I am comfortable talking with men and women about life, politics, relationships, cooking, homemaking, sports, etc. I love my guy friends dearly and it feels good to get a little muddy and be a little crude and kick back with a beer…… but sometimes I’m surrounded by women when I’m doing that! And the last time person I discussed cooking and cookbooks with was a male. I would be lost without both sexes.
I was in a small, fairly unfamiliar group last week that consisted of one man and three women (self-included). After the two women expressed their preference in male companionship because “women are just so catty”, the man asked why that was. As in, ‘Why are women (considered) catty?’
(I was picking up a serious feminist vibe from this dude & totally loving it.)
I think both women answered, “I don’t know. They just are.”
The man then shared a story about how he was at a school reunion and conversing with 8 or 10 other men. He said the guys kept talking over one another and no one was really listen to what the other had to say- essential they were all competing for the spotlight. He’d found it unenjoyable and decided to bow out of the group. (I believe he was trying to make the point that sometimes ‘hanging with the dudes’ is unfulfilling and miserable.)
Instead of jumping into the conversation I just took mental notes and rehashed to whole think to K later that evening. #typical
So here’s the thing- I don’t believe that all women are catty. And I don’t think all men are aggressive. Do we have the ability to be catty/aggressive? Yes, absolutely. Do those traits define some people? You betcha. But I refuse to loop all women into the “catty” category. How screwy is it to avoid fraternizing with a certain gender/sex/race/religion because they’re all considered to be *(insert negative adjective here)*. I mean, I know it happens but to me that’s narrow-minded and wrong. But essentially, when we say, “I prefer guy-friends”, we’re saying that associating with women is beneath us and uninteresting. (WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE WE ARE WOMEN!)
./rant
I don’t care what goes on below your waist- if you’re kind & we jive well & we have common interests, let’s talk! I don’t care about football or The Real Housewives of Antarctica, but let’s talk about NASCAR and politics and This Is Us. Girl or guy, let’s hang out. Let’s accept and lift up those that are different and the same as us. We’re not in competition, guys. We’re all in this together.
. . .
Life as Louise 
Yuuuup! I couldn’t have said this any better. One of my current friends said basically the catty thing the very first time we hung out. And I said, “Or maybe it’s just the women you happen to be around.” We’re still friends, so obviously she doesn’t think I fit whatever stereotype she doesn’t like about “all women.” I also hate when people say stupid shit, like they’ll ask if our roommate is gay when I mention that he bakes. No… he just makes a damn good cookie. Believe it or not, men and women can all have varied and unique interests! No one fits into a “type” exactly and by letting our brains perceive patterns that aren’t necessarily there, we do ourselves and our entire genders a huge disservice.
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I am 100% sure that I’m guilty of these things, but when I’m an outsider looking in (like I was with the above conversation) the girl-on-girl disgust and mistrust was so apparently. It’s something I’d like to be WAAAY more (self)aware of in the future.
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I had a whole rant about this typed out here but I deleted it and I’m just going to say AMEN! It’s one of my pet peeves is judgement before knowing someone.
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Hahahaha- I love rants from others 😀 I am guilty of judgement- I know I am- but I also feel like I’m getting better at staying open-minded and friendly.
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I used to be one of those people too – only hanging out with guys because it seemed (at the time) that every woman I tried to connect with said the most awful things about other women which led me to believe “what is she saying about me?”. I think a lot of that happens when (some) women are younger and as you age, you mature and realize what a dillhole you’re being LOL.
That said, my closest friends are mostly women and 1 man. If you’re good people and have a good heart, I will talk/hang out with you.
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If a person can’t be trusted and fails to show loyalty, I am 100% ok with not hanging out with them. Society is so keen on pitting us against each other- both women and people in general. I like to surround myself with a good tribe of honest and tight-lipped people 🙂
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yes yes yes oh and one more yes! thank you for expressing this so well because it really is such a disappointing thing to hear other women say!
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🙂 Thank, Chelsea!
I have to say, being a part of the blog world has softened me immensely. I feel so much warmth and love for the women that I interact with almost every day. It’s a constant reminder to me to lift others up and support my friends in their dreams- not feel jealous or competitive.
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PREACHHHH!!!! There are plenty of people on each side of the aisle – & by aisle, I mean dressing room aisles – that can relate with subjects you like. & I really like getting guys opinions on some things. A whole new perspective. It’s all just surrounding yourself with GOOD people 😉
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Yes yes yes to surrounding yourself with good people! I think that’s most important. I value loyalty and honestly and compassion- in girls and guys!
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This is SO true! I also feel like sometimes (not all, because I agree that we shouldn’t make assumptions about an entire group of people) women will say they prefer guy friends to try and impress guys and make them seem ‘cool’ and ‘down-to-earth’ or whatever which is just horrible. No one should ever do something ONLY to impress the opposite sex (or the same sex…basically don’t do something ONLY to impress whoever you are attracted to!). I know, because I used to put SO MUCH stock into what guys thought. And now I cringe thinking about middle school/high school me doing that.
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In middle school I had a ton of female friends. Then hormones set in and in hs I had three core female friends. We were bitches. Rude, arrogant, confident, flirty. We were percussionists in band and it was a pretty male-dominated section. We pretty much thought they all belonged to us and we wouldn’t think twice about ripping on other girls to them. Man- I SO regret the brat that I was back then. Honestly, I think my shift in character toward the end of college and at the start of “real life”was/ is a serious effort to make up for what a total tool I was. My flirty character is what landed me K, but he’s the one that encouraged me to check myself and be a little less of a…bitch.
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I haaaaate cattiness of girls and I work so hard not to be in that category! Also, I always go home and rehash the convo with Devin afterwards. What are husbands for?! 😉
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Ha. Sometimes my males friends are crazy catty, too. I avoid as much drama as I can (like my FB hiatus at the moment… ha), so I avoid cattiness.
My girl friends are so wonderful. We’re honest and they’re just so lovely and loyal 🙂
And of course K, too. Poor guy gets alllll my afterthoughts. Ha!
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I just love your rants because I always agree! 🙂 I don’t know who decided women are always “catty” but I think everything depends on the individual.
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Hahaha, I love when some many people agree and I don’t have to “argue” my opinion 😀 I’ve have horrible female friends and incredible ones. Right now I feel like I’ve struck the friendship jackpot- and I’d say 80% of my friends are women 🙂
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I totally get what you are saying. I used to say that I liked hanging out better with guys too but I realize looking back it was mostly when I was in my 20’s because some women were catty and I felt like I was being constantly judged or competing with them when I was with them even though I wasn’t trying. But now I am thankful for the few really decent female relationships I do have. And sometimes men can be catty and gossipy just like women so I just like to surround myself with decent humans, you know? Like I don’t mind some debate or banter but let’s drop the attitude. You know? 🙂
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Girls can be awful. I was 100% one of those awful girls and I HATE that.
Decent human beings are 100% the way to go. I’m a-ok with differing opinions and honesty, but I like things said to my face and said with tact. I think it boils down to respect 🙂
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This is truth! Whatever’s going on below your waist usually has very little to do with whether or not you’re thinking cockwomble thoughts above your shoulders 😉
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“Cockwomble”- definitely using that in the future.
Totally agree 🙂
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Yes, yes, yes! I actually have a feminist themed post going up Friday. I used to be the “I don’t like women, I get along with guys better” type. And half of that is still correct – I do tend to get along with men better because I like “man” things (football, cars, sports, beer {I realize these aren’t strictly male but you get my point}) but I have learned that a strong tribe of women will always take you farther.
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I have so many “traditionally male” interest. I mean, NASCAR is my favorite sport. (But I also know plenty of girls that like NASCAR!) That said, I find all sorts of stuff to talk about with both sexes about a plethora of topics. It’s all about how you treat and approach other people 🙂
Off to read you post now!
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I love it! This is a good reminder, because I can definitely be one of those ladies that doesn’t have a ton of girlfriends. I think most of this is due to many of our friends moving away after college, and having some really not great high school girlfriends that I NEEDED to part ways with…. so it’s very good to be reminded that’s not everyone and I shouldn’t be so judgy. I’m very out of practice though! 😛 We currently do mostly mixed-group activities, which is pretty great overall. It probably takes some time to trust people again, and to let go of some of that judgy worry. Now if bloggy friends could also be IRL friends… 😛 XO – Alexandra
Simply Alexandra: My Favorite Things
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Oh man- if only blog friends were ‘real life’ friends! I have SO MANY! Haha!
I was a sh!tty example of a female friend in hs. I ended up getting totally screwed over by my three hs friends, but I certainly wasn’t blameless. I am so much happier with the person I am now that who I was from ages 15 to 20 🙂
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