Recently I’ve noticed that it irritates the hell outta me when women say, “I don’t really like to hang around other women. All my friends are guys. I like to hang with the men.” I used to say these kinds of things myself. (I bet I still do sometimes…) And maybe you’re a female and a large percentage of your friends really are men- that’s not what actually irritates me. To me, this attitude/mentality, in and of itself, is what propels the societal norm of girl-on-girl sabotage/jealous/hate. Like it’s somehow better to strictly be friends with men. Like women are an inferior species to spend your time with.
I have always had a mixed group of friends. I am comfortable talking with men and women about life, politics, relationships, cooking, homemaking, sports, etc. I love my guy friends dearly and it feels good to get a little muddy and be a little crude and kick back with a beer…… but sometimes I’m surrounded by women when I’m doing that! And the last time person I discussed cooking and cookbooks with was a male. I would be lost without both sexes.
I was in a small, fairly unfamiliar group last week that consisted of one man and three women (self-included). After the two women expressed their preference in male companionship because “women are just so catty”, the man asked why that was. As in, ‘Why are women (considered) catty?’
(I was picking up a serious feminist vibe from this dude & totally loving it.)
I think both women answered, “I don’t know. They just are.”
The man then shared a story about how he was at a school reunion and conversing with 8 or 10 other men. He said the guys kept talking over one another and no one was really listen to what the other had to say- essential they were all competing for the spotlight. He’d found it unenjoyable and decided to bow out of the group. (I believe he was trying to make the point that sometimes ‘hanging with the dudes’ is unfulfilling and miserable.)
Instead of jumping into the conversation I just took mental notes and rehashed to whole think to K later that evening. #typical
So here’s the thing- I don’t believe that all women are catty. And I don’t think all men are aggressive. Do we have the ability to be catty/aggressive? Yes, absolutely. Do those traits define some people? You betcha. But I refuse to loop all women into the “catty” category. How screwy is it to avoid fraternizing with a certain gender/sex/race/religion because they’re all considered to be *(insert negative adjective here)*. I mean, I know it happens but to me that’s narrow-minded and wrong. But essentially, when we say, “I prefer guy-friends”, we’re saying that associating with women is beneath us and uninteresting. (WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE WE ARE WOMEN!)
I don’t care what goes on below your waist- if you’re kind & we jive well & we have common interests, let’s talk! I don’t care about football or The Real Housewives of Antarctica, but let’s talk about NASCAR and politics and This Is Us. Girl or guy, let’s hang out. Let’s accept and lift up those that are different and the same as us. We’re not in competition, guys. We’re all in this together.