This is a tale of self-confidence…
Last weekend we’d planned to spend some time with friends lakeside. The Friday before the trip I started brainstorming outfit ideas. I was thinking my cute swimsuit paired with my cut off high-waisted shorts.
‘But your thighs are so flabby and chunky. That’ll look terrible- all that cellulite and the scars. You should pick a different pair of shorts,’ I thought to myself.
Let’s pause my story and insert that I try very, very hard to encourage others to treat themselves kindly. It makes me mad when my mom nitpicks about herself or when my 10 year old cousin complains about her “fat” or when my friends are getting down on themselves.
“You aren’t fat, you have fat. Everyone does. It’s why you’re alive.”
“Don’t you dare talk badly about your arms/leg/tummy! That’s how you lift groceries or get from A to B or nourish your body!”
“You look great today! And who’s so important that you’d take their opinion over mine?!” 😉
Those are a few of my go-tos when it comes to encouragement.
But for whatever reason, that Friday afternoon I was hating my husky, pale, chicken-pox-scarred thighs. I’d like to say it was a fleeting thought, this discouraging self-talk, but it browbeat me into 30 minutes of outfit changes.
It’s funny… The internet is notorious for highlighting people’s “perfect lives.” That said, some of the most body-positive, encouraging, beautiful-inside-and-out people push their perfectly imperfect & totally embracing messages via social media (looking at you Lindsay, Aubrey, Chelsea, Dana, Christina). And I’m am 100% on board with that.
And yet I fall victim to my “zitty face” or “flabby tummy” or “chunky thighs.”
I’m usually extremely comfortable in my skin. My body is relatively healthy. I was given working limbs and organs. I am able to care for myself and others. Overall, I got very lucky with the skin I’m in. But we all have moments of weakness.
Fortunately, our moments of weakness happen at different times. When I’m feeling poorly, someone else is sending out positive vibes meant for me. So when you’re feeling badly, just know that someone is sending out those positive vibes for you, too. (Might I suggest any and all of those ladies up there! ☝️ )
I don’t think anyone is always positive and encouraging, but someone somewhere is always sending out some good vibes. So go seek it- it’s 100% meant for you. Someone loves you. They love your wide hips or your small shoulders or your pointed ears. Whatever features make you cringe in the mirror, I guarantee someone thinks nothing of it and loves you completely. And you should, too.
What I’m trying to say is: wear the damn cutoff shorts, my friends. ☀️
Life as Louise 
Love this! I was thinking about something similar last night – I was telling a friend that she’s a good person and has value and not to let people treat her badly. But then I have this inner voice constantly telling me what a bad mother I am, and that I’m not contributing enough to our family, and that I’m just not good enough. I know it’s not true, but it’s so hard to shake it off!
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I think it’s a wonderful trait to lift others up. (It’s honestly something I’ve had to work on.) But I think the icing on the cake is when we give ourselves permission to say those same kind words to ourselves. That’s the kicker.
And you’re a wonderful mother, wife, and all around human!
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i love this. YES, WEAR THE DAMN SHORTS. there’s nothing more beautiful than a person who loves themselves inside and out.
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That is so, so true! And those kinds of people are almost always the most fun to be around!
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Love this so much! I do that too. Where I am very supportive, encouraging to others to look past whatever apparent flaw has them momentarily hung-up but struggle to do that with myself. I will nitpick and moan and complain and put myself down, even though I know better. But it’s always harder when it’s yourself. Wear the damn shorts. Be proud of imperfections because they are what make us unique. And like Kathy said, a person who is confident in themselves and love themselves is always the most beautiful person in the room. I’m not there yet but I’m working towards it.
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Oh man… I totally know better! There was a time when I was WAY less kind to myself than I am now, but I’m still definitely not where I need to be yet 🙂
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Amen sister!
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😉
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I went a whole decade not wearing shorts. Seriously. Ridiculous. I’m impressed that you are wise enough to identify the damaging, hurtful self-talk and re-direct yourself into sharing a positive message!
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I didn’t like wearing shorts through parts of high school. (Which was d.u.m.b. considering I was at least 20 or 30 lbs. less than I am now… lol.) I definitely don’t silence all the self-talk that I should, but I think it helps immensely to write about it and relate with other beautiful inside-and-out folks 🙂
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yes yes yes yes yes! wear those shorts girl. and I will too.
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Yes! And they’re going to look so damn good on us! 😀
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This is awesome! I actually never wear shorts and haven’t for at least 15 years probably. Too self-conscious about my legs. Love your positivity about it.
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Girl…. you should wear the shorts. Go find a few pairs that make you feel bomb and wear them every day! It’s too freakin’ hot not to! 😉 You’ll look great!
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ALL THE APPLAUSE FOR YOU. Preach, sister. And I hope you know I am ALWAYS sending out positive vibes for you.
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Your blog is one of my favs 🙂 Literally any time I’m having a bad day you put a new perspective into my crabby brain or shake me out of my funk with your words. THANK YOU! 🙂
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Love this, love you! So great. I definitely have been feeling extra self conscious this summer… : / But I have more fun when I just go with it and try to be comfortable. And also staying inside. That helps. LOL. Have I mentioned that I don’t like summer….? Sending you good vibes, you are great and beautiful! 🙂 XO – Alexandra
Simply Alexandra: My Favorite Things
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(Between you and me, summer is the WORST. Hahahaha!) I always get those self-conscious thoughts when I’m MOST pumped for an outing… “Fat days” always strike on date nights or pool party days. What’s up with that??
You are super great and beautiful, too! And let’s be honest, we can rock any outfit we want to. Our fella’s would totally agree!
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LOVE this so much. Plus, it’s just too hot not to wear shorts. 😉
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HECK YES IT IS. (Seriously… it’s so, so hot. Haha. I’m going to pen a love letter to my sweatshirts because I MISS THEM. Lol)
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ahhh are we on the same page or what this week?! hell to the YES wear the damn shorts!!!! you are great.
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Yeah, girl! I read your post and was just like, “YES YES YES YES!” We put some much weight on clothes and numbers and body shapes. Like…. just wear it if it makes you happy/cool/comfy!
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I so love this post.
I had the inner fight when I was at camp with 400 middle schoolers & about 100 leaders – which are all about in their 20’s… so when I thought about getting a bathing suit & doing pool or lake activities, I just cringed. I was like, “I’m not going to do it”… but then I thought, SCREW THAT. I’m here for the fun & more importantly, I wanted to show the younger girls that confidence is the key to anything – so I put on my bathing suit, didnt even comment on how I felt inside & I had the most fun in all the things I had to wear a bathing suit in. & so glad I did it – there were a few heavier girls there too &I just loved seeing them with their own confidence next to their ‘skinny & thin’ friends… in the end, no one is going to remember what bathing suit anyone had on… but we’re going to remember the memories made. All that matters.
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Oh man, I’m am SO glad you put on the swimsuit! (I made my mom do the same thing while we were on vacation! She loves to sunbathe and I told her she’s NOT going to sell herself short and sunbathe in shorts and a t-shirt!) (At the same time, I am a sunscreen-aholic so I don’t get the allure of sunbathing, but whatever. Ha.)
I’m always most self-conscious around those that are more fit, young, skinny, etc. than me. And of course they have their own insecurities that I try to squash for them. But then I let my brain ramble and put me down. NOT OK.
Humans who just have a good time, spread kindness, and lift others up are the most lovely. Weight and fluff don’t mean nothing 😉
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it’s like you wrote this for me. i’m struggling lately because i want to wear shorts and they literally don’t fit. i could buy bigger ones, but i’m pear shaped, so if they fit my thighs/butt/hips, they are too big on my waist, and if they fit my waist.. well i wouldn’t know because i can’t get them past all the other things lol. i’m like you though, so so so SO positive about everyone else and about the general ‘love yourself and be kind to yourself’ outlook but i definitely fall victim to it sometimes. so i just shake it off and grab my workout shorts because hey elastic waistband. i see you and i love you. haha.
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YES. I have thighs. They’re there and I know it. They rub, they’re pale, and they have a few scars because I’m a girl who likes to climb trees and do shit. But then I have a fairly ok waist line. So sometimes my pants/shorts gap around my crack (#lovely). So I totally GET YOU.
Athletic shorts are our best friends when our other pants are betraying us 😉
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I am so there with you. I am the first to tell other people not to tear themselves apart, and yet I rarely take my own advise. But here I am telling you to wear the damn shorts, girl!!!!! And wear them proud!
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Thanks, Nadine 😉 You wear them, too! I’m great at self-care when it comes to food and tea and baths, but that inner voice could use a little work. She needs to learn to be nicer to me 🙂
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