The Bridesmaid Diaries

I’m not sure how things work with the men, but the ladies’ side of a wedding party can get nuts. (I’m pretty sure most men smuggle in flasks, make jokes about it “not being too late to run…”, and bitch about uncomfortable rental shoes.) If you’ve ever been in a bridal party maybe you’ve experience these types of women:

The takes-herself-too-seriously maid/matron of honor. You can reach out and ask if she needs help, but Ashley has everything taken care of. She’s even stuck personalized labels on all 87 water bottles at the bridal shower. If you need anything you can get a hold of her with the number she printed on the bottom of the ‘day-of’ itinerary she passed out at the rehearsal dinner.

The I’m-over-it maid/matron of honor. Excited at first, but then fully consumed by med school. She let the bridesmaids plan the bridal shower, took the bride to a dive bar for the bachelorette party, and she forgot her shoes on the day of the wedding. You know she and the bride are never speaking again after the big day.

The I-should-be-the-maid-of-honor bridesmaid. After the maid of honor gives her speech, Victoria stands to give hers. At the shower she low-key takes charge and rolls her eyes at the streamers and balloon hung by the m.o.h. And dress shopping? She will literally claw your eyes out to sit between the bride and the bride’s mother.

The flower girl/ring bearer’s mom bridesmaid. Raising kids is tough work and she’s been a little absent from the pre-wedding festivities. (Hell, y’all didn’t bother inviting her to the bachelorette party.) Getting kids to behave and perform at a wedding after getting their hair done, missing their nap, and strapping them into an itchy dress is damn near impossible. Someone get this woman a medal and a dirty martini at the reception.

The shit-show bridesmaid. Sometimes she responds to the group chat, sometimes she doesn’t. The bride bought her bridesmaid dress just to ensure she’d have it in time for the wedding. Her phone is dead 75% of the time, she’s late for every get together, and you’re pretty sure she came to the bridesmaid brunch in pajamas. For whatever reason, the bride keeps her around.

The friend-since-elementary-school bridesmaid. Since she still lives in the same town as the bride, she’s available and present at every event. As long as she has time to schedule off from her nursing job at the hospital, Lanie can show up to any event and help with any last minute details. Plus the bride’s parents just love her.

The college-friend bridesmaid. With a million inside jokes fresh on her mind, she’s always throwing out a quip that makes the bride laugh and give her that, ‘I’m glad you’re here’ look. Unfortunately, the open bar and single groomsman at the reception are her #1 focus as the night progresses.

The new-friend-bridesmaid. Having only met a year ago through work, this hip chick and the bride have bonded over girls’ nights out, monthly book club, and Sunday coffee dates. Will the friendship will last forever? Who knows. The wedding pictures will, though.

The sister-of-the-groom bridesmaid. While you’re sure she loves (or will grow to love) the bride, we all know she’s working her tail off trying to keep her beloved brother happy and put together. She’ll ensure that the whole show runs smoothly and on-time for the sake of her parents’ friends (a.k.a. the wedding guests).

The girlfriend-of-the-bride’s-brother bridesmaid. Let’s be real, Kelsey doesn’t give a shit about the wedding, the bride, or the nuptials. She just wants to hit up the open bar at dinner. She’s only been with the bride’s brother for 7 months and you’re pretty sure they’re on a break right now anyway, but it was too late to kick her out.


*Please pick up on the satire here. While I’m sure I’ve described some bridesmaids to a T, I’ve stood next wonderful people in weddings and don’t condone categorizing people into such general boxes 😉 I’m also a strong girls support girls advocate so, ya know, this is all in fun.

But also… one of these sounds familiar, right? Maybe you even identify as one. Haha. I know I do…

36 thoughts on “The Bridesmaid Diaries

  1. https://my30somethingadventures.wordpress.com/ March 8, 2018 / 6:09 am

    I love the movie Bridesmaids and can watch it over and over. I can see a few characters from the movie described here.
    Have you seen the movie “Mike and Dave need wedding dates”. Their sister’s maid of honour/bridesmaid is the first one you describe to a T!

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:01 am

      Bridesmaids cracks me up 🙂 It’s so funny to see a bunch of people (females, lol) get together and *really* let their personalities out!
      I’ll have to check out “Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates”! I thought it looked pretty funny when it came out!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Kati Rose March 8, 2018 / 7:46 am

    Thank you for my morning laugh. I have been a part of too many weddings and like you said, yes there’s been wonderful people but some of these are too spot on!

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:02 am

      No problem 😉 Haha! We all have our quirks. Lol. I’ve been MULTIPLE women from my list above in different weddings. Ha!

      Like

  3. Lindsay Latimer March 8, 2018 / 9:01 am

    Sadly I was the nightmare Maid of Honor during my sister’s wedding. I’m a control-freak, what can I say?!?! 🙂

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:03 am

      Hahahahahaha- but I bet your sister appreciated it!! The control freak always makes such shit gets done and gets done right!

      Like

  4. Stephanie March 8, 2018 / 9:11 am

    I’m definitely the college friend bridesmaid most of the time. I’ve been a bridesmaid like 17 times (really), and every time they know that I’m the bachelorette party queen and I’ll always have a flask on me at every event, I’ll start the dance floor, I’ll make sure everyone is having fun, I diffuse tension, etc, but your shower will make me want to hang myself and I’m never going to write a list of who gave you what gifts. We all have our strengths 🙂

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:05 am

      Damnnnn, 17 times?? I’ve been a flower girl once and a bridesmaid three times. Two of my best friends aren’t married yet, though, so I imagine I’ll be a maid at least twice more.
      I’m always the list-writer……. hahaha! But with enough alcohol and the right music I’ll also lead the dance floor 😉

      Like

  5. Rebecca Jo March 8, 2018 / 10:05 am

    OHHHHH girl… doing wedding photography, I have seen MANYYYYY types of bridemaids. I’ve seen the ones who have thought the wedding day was truly all about them walking down the aisle to the ones who dont even get their own make up on to make sure the bride is taken care of – such a range of scale here 🙂

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:06 am

      It’s funny how distinct personalities shine through in moments like weddings 🙂

      Like

  6. A Mindful Migration (@MindfulMigrate) March 8, 2018 / 11:12 am

    Oh, I most definitely recognize a few of these people. And maybe I’ve even been one! Now that I’m old, I want a totally low-key wedding. Of course, I say that now and when it happens, I will be the absolute worst Bridezilla ever. 😀

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:09 am

      I have been SEVERAL of these personalities… hahaha!
      My wedding was not small. We invited over 300 people and +230 attended. (I wanted it small… certain family members insisted on something grander. Lol.) My bff tells me she wants to go to a beach to get married. I am ALL FOR a destination wedding. As long as she invites me 😉

      Like

  7. Monica March 8, 2018 / 11:56 am

    Hhaah I love this! I think I am a mix of a few of them.

    Like

  8. Eena March 8, 2018 / 1:16 pm

    This just made my day! I definitely became a “new friend bridesmaid” two years ago but it my defense, we had been friends for a year maybe? So fairly new? xD

    cabin twenty-four

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:11 am

      I’ve been the new friend bridesmaid, the sister-of-the-groom (although I loved my future sister-in-law already so I had both their interests in mind), and the I-should-be-the-moh bridesmaid. Oops…… hahahahahaha!

      Like

  9. Michelle March 8, 2018 / 1:59 pm

    OHHH yes. This is hilarious and so many memories came to mind reading this. Nailed it.

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:11 am

      I won’t lie…. I had people in mind when I wrote the majority of these. HA.

      Like

  10. Jana @ Jana Says March 8, 2018 / 2:18 pm

    I’m in my sister’s bridal party and I am the “I’m too old for this shit” bridesmaid. I am exhausted just reading the agenda for the bachelorette party I’m not attending and planning her shower…OMG. So much detail.

    I definitely see a few of these in the other ones, too.

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:13 am

      I’ve been several of these. I definitely consider myself a more chill bridesmaid, though. I try to be helpful and show up to support the bride. Although everyone has their off days (or months…), lol.

      Like

  11. Nadine March 8, 2018 / 4:12 pm

    Hahahahaha I am laughing so hard because I have seen pretty much every single one of these bridesmaids in my twenties!

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:14 am

      Me too 😀 Most were based on real people… hehehe. I’ve been three of these on three separate occasions, though. I’m terrible. Hahahaha.

      Like

  12. everything with love March 9, 2018 / 12:10 pm

    oh lord i love this. i have been in weddings with every single one of these. i’m a pretty standard bridesmaid, although often a pregnant one haha. i just recently was the flower girl AND ring bearer’s mom bridesmaid (except i was the wedding ceremony singer) for my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding. and joe was a groomsman. holy shit that was the hardest day of my life. i’m not even kidding. and i get to do it again this fall for my sister’s wedding, but joe and i are both in the wedding to boot. give me that dirty martini now?

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:16 am

      Hahahahaha- I’m giggling about the pregnant one. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a wedding with a pregnant bridesmaid! Maybe now that I’m older (and my non-married friends are older) I will someday. I didn’t even THINK about a pregnant bridesmaid! Haha! Your siblings’ weddings sound EXHAUSTING. Hahahaha! Sending you alllll the dirty martinis!!!

      Like

  13. Carolann March 10, 2018 / 12:24 pm

    Hahahaha this is too funny!!! I am SO glad I didn’t make my brother’s girlfriend at the time a bridesmaid! I never really thought about it becuase I didn’t like her and because they weren’t dating that long. But she’s in too many photos and it didn’t last much beyond our wedding!

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:21 am

      My brother’s wife wasn’t in the picture when we got married so I didn’t have to worry, but my husband’s brother had been with his now-wife for a while and she’s not in ANY of the family pictures. That makes me pretty sad looking back. (But at that point my brother-in-law said he was never getting married so I had NO idea how long she’d be around!! Lol!)

      Like

  14. Danielle Todd March 10, 2018 / 12:41 pm

    Omg, I’ve been in quite a few wedding parties and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen all of these!

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:21 am

      Many were based (at least partially) on real people/situations 😉 Haha!

      Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:29 am

      Hahaha- I pulled at LEAST one personality from my own wedding party. I guess technically three. Ha. But all these are at least partially based on real people/experiences 😉 Hehehe.

      Like

  15. Jenn @ Optimization, Actually March 13, 2018 / 8:05 pm

    Omg, I’m in a bridal party right now and I’m totally an I’m-over-it bridesmaid. My only excuse is that I was not prepared for how insanely needy my friend would become the moment she got a ring! And I suppose it wasn’t a good match from the beginning because I’m all “Independence! No one pays for my stuff! Please just give me the gift of your company.” and she’s “I’m registered for presents here, here, here, and here and also I’d like to have 3 different parties all in my honor with gifts required.” So glad I’m not the MoH though! I can chime in occasionally and the others will fill in whatever gaps my lack of enthusiasm leaves.

    Like

    • Audrey March 14, 2018 / 10:41 am

      Hmm…. maybe I should do one of these on brides. Hahaha.
      Fortunately I’ve never been in a wedding with a terribly behaved bride 🙂 Bridesmaids are a different story. Lol

      Like

  16. Christina March 15, 2018 / 12:36 am

    Haha! This is such a great post! I love how you gave them names. LOL! I’ve only been in two weddings (my sister and a college friend that I’m not close to anymore) and I hope I never have to again. It’s so much work!

    Like

    • Audrey March 15, 2018 / 10:39 am

      Some of the names just felt *right*, ya know? Lol. The names are NOT the people they’re based on, though. I wouldn’t be that cruel 😉 My two best friends are unwed so I imagine I have AT LEAST two more weddings to be in. Lol

      Like

  17. Kristen from Pugs & Pearls March 19, 2018 / 10:15 am

    This is hysterical!! Being in a wedding is such an honor, but SO much work…and money. It’s funny to look back on your wedding a few years later and think about who still would be in your wedding and who wouldn’t. (For me, I’d keep the same girls but add more! so that’s actually kinda cool.)

    Like

    • Audrey March 19, 2018 / 10:30 am

      So much work…. You’re not kidding. Ha.
      As far as my bridal party goes, now (and back then-oops) I’d have bumped on girl up to maid of honor and bumped the m.o.h. down to bridesmaid. Other than that, I think I’d *probably* keep things the same. I might’ve skimmed it down… lol.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s