Just your average round up of conversations I had with the husband…
Me: Maybe these melatonin pills put you to sleep because when we take them I have to keep quiet for 30 seconds while they dissolve under my tongue.
K: Yep, I was just thinking that.
Discussing lunch in the middle of my alcohol & dairy detox.
Me: Let’s get Chinese.
K: We just had Chinese food.
Me: It’s my only option! Italian is creamy and cheesy. Mexican is creamy and cheesy. American food is creamy, cheesy, AND greasy.
K: Those are my favorite dwarfs!
Me: Do you ever feel like your lungs are restricted and you can’t take a big deep breath?
Me: I think it’s because I slouch.
K: I think it’s because I’m fat.
On National Puppy Day I posted a few adoptable dogs to K’s FB wall after he told me not to.
*phone rings; it’s K*
Me: DON’T YELL AT ME, DON’T YELL AT ME.
K: ….I haven’t been on Facebook yet but what did you do?
K: I don’t know why I haven’t fired you yet.
Me: Because it’d be awfully expensive.
K: How do you figure?
Me: “Cheaper to keep her.”
K: I didn’t say I’d divorce you.
Me: That makes one of us.
Upon entering Gettysburg…
K: Is this like a National….
Me: Park? Yes.
K: So should I not have a knife in my pocket.
Me: That is correct.
K hangs head and walks back to the car. We’ve seen this play out badly way too many times.
Me: I am the first person to get angry and outraged over silly jokes and trivial things-
K: Yeah. Good job.
Me: …that wasn’t the end of my thought.
I collected some gems this month, I think. Lol
22 Comments Add yours
The knife! The dwarves! Hahahaha
He is a complete goon. The dwarf thing totally caught me off guard and made me lose it.
HAHA – I loved this so much
“What did you do?” … that’s basically how Ricky starts every conversation with me.
& I’m with K – I cant breath because i too am just fat 😉 LOL
Thank you, friend!
I’m always fake-in trouble for something 😉
Thinking of you today and this weekend ❤ ❤ ❤
“That makes one of us…” LOL! I think those are my favorite dwarfs too! And not really related, but how do you like the melatonin pills? Blue has issues sleeping and I was going to recommend them but I’ve heard they make you have crazy dreams/nightmares?
He’d never be able to fire me shy of a divorce 😉 Hahaha.
We HATED the melatonin pills. I know some people love them, though. They made us fall asleep ok (and stay asleep), but mornings were so so so hard. It took me hours to wake up. I was a zombie for the first half of work =/ Maybe we had the wrong dosage, but they made Kyle kind of grumpy, too. (More than usual, lol.)
I’m with K – those are my favorite dwarfs too! LOL!
Hahaha- he was pretty proud of himself for that quip.
Aw come on, K! More puppies are a necessity!
Someday he’s just going to come home and there will be 3 to 5 new dogs 😀
The dwarf comment had me rolling hahahha- love these. Men- LOL!
He was soooo proud of that one. Lol. And I’d been off dairy and alcohol for a week by then so I was NOT amused. Hahaha.
Omg, “those are my favorite dwarfs”. That’s just priceless!! You definitely got some good ones this month. 🙂
He’s such a dork. As soon as I said it I knew he’d have a witty clap back. LOL
I love how when you say don’t yell at me he immediately assumes whatever you did involves Facebook 😀
“Should I not have a knife in my pocket”. Ahahaha.
He definitelyyy knew I’d be posting pictures of adoptable dogs on his FB page that day… haha.
The men in my family always carry pocket knives. I can’t tell you HOW MANY they’ve lost because a security personnel took them at a checkpoint or metal detector. LOL
I cannot stop laughing at the dwarf comment.
He is such a goof. I laughed for a while after he said it, too 😀
Haha, you guys are so cute!! The creamy, cheesy and greasy dwarf thing caught me off guard, that was hilarious!
And the knife!! I could picture that whole scene!
Love these posts!
It caught me off guard, too. I just shook my head at him. Lol
My dad and K both carry knives and they’ve had to hide them in potted plants and under rocks before entering National buildings in the past because they forget to just LEAVE THEM IN THE CAR. Lol
haha oh man, knives in parks and buildings. ravery doesn’t carry a knife and either do i so i can’t relate but find it funny in above comment about them having to hide them in plants and under rocks. haha
My hs band went to NY my sophomore year of school and my dad was a chaperone. After waiting in the long line to go to the “top of the rock” (Rockefeller Plaza) my dad realized he had his two pocket knives on him. (I don’t know why he had two.) Our school group tour guide suggest he hide them in the planter by the door so he did. After we all came back down the tour guide was waiting for my dad and handing him one of his knives. He told her there were actually two and he went back around to the front of the building to collect the second one, but it was gone. Keep in mind, this was AFTER he missed out on taking the ferry to Ellis Island because he had his knife on him. *face palm*
Just this past weekend we went to my nephew’s graduation and my brother-in-law ended up having to fun my grandfather-in-law’s pocket knife back to the car after he forgot to take it out of his pocket.
The men in my family should stop carrying knives or be less forgetful. LOL