Chats with K

Just your average round up of conversations I had with the husband…

Me: Maybe these melatonin pills put you to sleep because when we take them I have to keep quiet for 30 seconds while they dissolve under my tongue.
K: Yep, I was just thinking that.

Discussing lunch in the middle of my alcohol & dairy detox.
Me: Let’s get Chinese.
K: We just had Chinese food.
Me: It’s my only option! Italian is creamy and cheesy. Mexican is creamy and cheesy. American food is creamy, cheesy, AND greasy.
K: Those are my favorite dwarfs!

Me: Do you ever feel like your lungs are restricted and you can’t take a big deep breath?
K: Yeah.
Me: I think it’s because I slouch.
K: I think it’s because I’m fat.

On National Puppy Day I posted a few adoptable dogs to K’s FB wall after he told me not to.
*phone rings; it’s K*
Me: DON’T YELL AT ME, DON’T YELL AT ME.
K: ….I haven’t been on Facebook yet but what did you do?

K: I don’t know why I haven’t fired you yet.
Me: Because it’d be awfully expensive.
K: How do you figure?
Me: “Cheaper to keep her.”
K: I didn’t say I’d divorce you.
Me: That makes one of us.

Upon entering Gettysburg…
K: Is this like a National….
Me: Park? Yes.
K: So should I not have a knife in my pocket.
Me: That is correct.
K hangs head and walks back to the car. We’ve seen this play out badly way too many times.

Me: I am the first person to get angry and outraged over silly jokes and trivial things-
K: Yeah. Good job.
Me: …that wasn’t the end of my thought.
K: Oh.

I collected some gems this month, I think. Lol

20 thoughts on “Chats with K

    • Audrey May 17, 2018 / 4:17 pm

      He is a complete goon. The dwarf thing totally caught me off guard and made me lose it.

      Like

  1. Rebecca Jo May 15, 2018 / 9:04 am

    HAHA – I loved this so much
    “What did you do?” … that’s basically how Ricky starts every conversation with me.
    & I’m with K – I cant breath because i too am just fat šŸ˜‰ LOL

    Like

    • Audrey May 17, 2018 / 4:20 pm

      Thank you, friend!
      I’m always fake-in trouble for something šŸ˜‰
      Thinking of you today and this weekend ā¤ ā¤ ā¤

      Like

  2. Dani May 15, 2018 / 11:23 am

    “That makes one of us…” LOL! I think those are my favorite dwarfs too! And not really related, but how do you like the melatonin pills? Blue has issues sleeping and I was going to recommend them but I’ve heard they make you have crazy dreams/nightmares?

    Like

    • Audrey May 17, 2018 / 4:21 pm

      He’d never be able to fire me shy of a divorce šŸ˜‰ Hahaha.

      We HATED the melatonin pills. I know some people love them, though. They made us fall asleep ok (and stay asleep), but mornings were so so so hard. It took me hours to wake up. I was a zombie for the first half of work =/ Maybe we had the wrong dosage, but they made Kyle kind of grumpy, too. (More than usual, lol.)

      Like

    • Audrey May 17, 2018 / 4:26 pm

      Hahaha- he was pretty proud of himself for that quip.

      Like

    • Audrey May 18, 2018 / 9:38 am

      Someday he’s just going to come home and there will be 3 to 5 new dogs šŸ˜€

      Like

  3. Emelia Lawrence May 15, 2018 / 10:16 pm

    The dwarf comment had me rolling hahahha- love these. Men- LOL!

    Like

    • Audrey May 18, 2018 / 9:39 am

      He was soooo proud of that one. Lol. And I’d been off dairy and alcohol for a week by then so I was NOT amused. Hahaha.

      Like

  4. Lauren Becker May 15, 2018 / 10:26 pm

    Omg, “those are my favorite dwarfs”. That’s just priceless!! You definitely got some good ones this month. šŸ™‚

    -Lauren
    http://www.shootingstarsmag.net

    Like

    • Audrey May 18, 2018 / 10:05 am

      He’s such a dork. As soon as I said it I knew he’d have a witty clap back. LOL

      Like

  5. Confuzzled Bev May 16, 2018 / 4:00 am

    I love how when you say don’t yell at me he immediately assumes whatever you did involves Facebook šŸ˜€

    “Should I not have a knife in my pocket”. Ahahaha.

    Like

    • Audrey May 18, 2018 / 10:07 am

      He definitelyyy knew I’d be posting pictures of adoptable dogs on his FB page that day… haha.

      The men in my family always carry pocket knives. I can’t tell you HOW MANY they’ve lost because a security personnel took them at a checkpoint or metal detector. LOL

      Like

  6. Marie May 16, 2018 / 10:28 am

    I cannot stop laughing at the dwarf comment.

    Like

    • Audrey May 18, 2018 / 10:07 am

      He is such a goof. I laughed for a while after he said it, too šŸ˜€

      Like

  7. Kristen from Pugs & Pearls May 17, 2018 / 8:24 am

    Haha, you guys are so cute!! The creamy, cheesy and greasy dwarf thing caught me off guard, that was hilarious!
    And the knife!! I could picture that whole scene!
    Love these posts!

    Like

    • Audrey May 18, 2018 / 10:09 am

      It caught me off guard, too. I just shook my head at him. Lol
      My dad and K both carry knives and they’ve had to hide them in potted plants and under rocks before entering National buildings in the past because they forget to just LEAVE THEM IN THE CAR. Lol

      Like

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