Lately I’ve been struggling with self-worth. I’ve noticed moments of jealousy, comparison, anger, judgement, and frustration pop up. I know- even in those moments- that my reactions are a result of being unhappy with myself, but I have been struggling with silencing the negative voices and curing my insecurities at their root.
I can feel the spiral as it’s happening, which is incredibly frustrating because isn’t the biggest “cure” of anxiety or wild emotions the ability to be aware of your triggers and emotions as they happen? I am fully aware of them- sometimes I even say aloud, “Audrey, what is wrong with you? Chill! Why are you feeling this way?!” But they’re still there.
I’ve been advised to invest in the awareness route. I tend to shut down emotionally or dive head first into distraction when things become overwhelming. I know that’s not right or healthy, but it’s a comfortable band aid. I’m going to give the awareness approach a shot next month, though. We’ll be flying to Dallas and I plan to NOT distract myself into oblivion and, instead, embrace every moment of the flight. (WISH ME LUCK. WOOF.)
But it’s tough to apply this practice when it comes to emotions. I am OVER THE DAMN MOON for my friends and their accomplishments. I’m even happy for acquaintances and strangers who have good things happen for them. But every once in a while, usually when I’m overwhelmed with 15 other things, I feel envy or judgement creep into my happy heart and turn it bitter. It’s frustrating.
I want to be skinnier, good at my job, more charismatic. I want to write a book and grow my own vegetables and travel with friends. I want to kick my flying fear to the curb and cure my lifelong acne and enjoy coconut milk. And honestly, no one is standing in my way. But Bitter Betty is a sneaky b*tch.
I am a STRONG girls support girls & empowered women empower women advocate but I am a human, too. I can be a catty, mean person in my head and to myself at times. I’m always looking for a way to fix that.
All that to say, if you’re riding any certain struggle bus today we can share a seat. No one is perfect. You vent to me and I’ll vent to you, and together we can figure out ways to be kinder, gentler, graceful humans in this world of comparison.
*I know things are tough right now. Speak up, donate, and love your neighbor fiercely.
Life as Louise 
It is so, so hard not to feel envious when people have what we want – especially when it seems to come ridiculously easily to them (I’m currently trying VERY hard not to be bitter about the fact that my cousin will soon be giving birth to her second unplanned child). You are only human like the rest of us, but the fact that you recognise these negative feelings and want to do something about them makes you a wonderful human being in my opinion ❤
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YES. I can preach gratitude and blessings all day long but I still get those little stabs of jealousy & bitterness. It’s definitely tough. I know things work out in their own time, though. Not always like we want them to 100%, but eventually we get over the next challenging hump. Thanks so much for the positivity, Bev!!
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Thanks for being so open and honest on here. It’s hard to do. I struggle a lot with this. I compare myself especailly to other military spouses all of the time. The ones that have managed to maintain their career, the ones with kids, the ones getting their dream duty station, the ones that don’t have to do deployments. Of course these are things I am insecure about or worry about. I hate comparing myself to others and I really am content with myself overall, but everyone has these feelings (I think?!)
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It’s comforting to hear others relate, even though I wouldn’t wish the feeling of envy or bitterness on anyone! Sometimes I feel so under the gun and then I think about people with kids or jobs less flexible than mine who do even MORE than me and I wonder if my life is fulfilling…? It’s hard to remember that we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be 100% of the time, but I think that’s true for the most part 😉
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I totally get this… I am the first to root others on & be so happy for their accomplishments, but it is that little voice inside that still knocks you down & makes you feel like “why not me?” … I get it… its gotta be a conscience choice every day to remind yourself how amazing you are in this spot in your life today, at this moment… & then leave room for improvement or changes…. It really is about finding the joy in each & every day.
& I’ll remind you today – YOU ARE INCREDIBLE – BEAUTIFUL – SIMPLY AMAZING!!!! ❤ Love you friend
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Yesss, the “why not me?” voice is so annoying and toxic! Gah!
Thank you SO much, sweet friend!! I think you are all those things, too! And definitely one of the strongest, most faithful people I know! ❤
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I relate to this on so many levels. There are days I struggle so much with just being okay with where I am in life. Loving myself. And not comparing myself to others. it is SO hard. Just having a baby has made it 100 times worse for me. I am trying to be ahead of myself all of the time and that is so exhausting! Thank you for sharing your story. xoxo
Trish – http://www.thetrishlist.com
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It’s both comforting and sad to hear others relate, lol. I don’t WANT any of my friends to feel this way, ya know? But to know that we’ve all got light and dark inside us fighting the good fight is a bit of a comfort. You’re doing great! Don’t feel like you always need to force a smile, but always know that there’s SOMETHING to smile about (whenever you’re feeling up to it!).
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I can really be the same way! I have struggled a lot with jealousy and comparison my whole life, and tend to have a glass half empty perspective. Thanks for making me see that I am not alone! I think it’s great that you could acknowledge this about yourself and think it will really help you make important strides!
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I know that I was EXTREMELY negative and jealous and bitter when I was a teenager and young adult. I’ve gotten better over the years but when I feel that cattiness start to slip into my conversations and thoughts I totally panic. I don’t WANT to compare or envy others… but it’s tricky how it can just happens sometimes. I’m definitely struggling right there beside you 😉
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It’s so hard not ignore that awful voice in your head. I don’t like long periods of silence, because mine starts to nag me too. This past weekend I heard this advice: for every negative thought, try to think of three positive things that you are thankful for. I thought that would really help keep refocusing.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
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I think my brain is better in the silence. It’s funny how everyone is different and different experiences or atmospheres affect our thoughts! I will definitely try that advice next time I feel the landslide start to slip! Thank you!
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I know that I definitely fall victim to this as well, and I feel like it’s especially hard when social media is showing you what everybody is out and about doing and accomplishing. I love that you’re going to focus on it instead of trying to distract yourself, and I hope that it goes well!
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Social media is the WORST sometimes. And honestly, it’s worse when I know an acquaintance of mine is intentionally cutting out the sh*t stuff and humble bragging about the good all over social media. (Not that I’d want them to air their dirty laundry… so I don’t know why it makes me so nuts.) It’s such a tricky emotion and one I wish I didn’t have!
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I once heard via a therapist, via a podcast :), the cure to comparison is gratitude. Which sounds kind of obvious I guess, but it has been working well for me. Everyone has a different struggle. My coworkers are in a much different place than me financially, so it would be easy for me to compare, but we recently moved and I just feel so glad to have our own space. It’s no mcmansion like my boss has, but it’s ours. Social media can be distracting and difficult to manage.
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That makes sense. I think I also need to listen to our parents’ old adage of “mind your own beeswax”, lol. The grass is always greener but that’s only because I’m too busy comparing and bitching to remember to water my own. I will definitely try to practice gratitude more often!
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I could have written this post myself. I struggle with all the same things and sometimes bitter betty gets in my way too and I have to make an effort to squash her. I suppose I at least share my seat on the bus in good company? Lol
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Hahaha- it sounds like the bus is filled to the top with quality people like us 🙂 No room for that bitch Betty. It’s hard to not compare and feel less than others, but I think it’s a weird comfort to know everyone struggles with it at some point.
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I totally get this! I will definitely save you a seat. It’s great you can acknowledge it because then you can slowly change your thinking. I try and remind myself of all the good things that I do have and that can quickly get me out of that pity party mindset.
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It sounds like everyone’s trick is gratitude and remembering to count one’s blessings. Makes sense. I’ll give it a try 🙂 In the meantime, thanks for saving me a seat 😉
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I’m so glad you shared this. I’ve been feeling a little down lately and while I can’t quite put my finger on why, I think it has to do with turning 30 in a few months and while I am certainly happy when good things happen to/for people in my life, sometimes jealousy or comparison sneaks in too. And I recognize when it happens, and then I hate that I feel like that, and it’s just a lousy cycle. So, you’re not alone. And I’m glad to know I’m not alone either!
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It’s so strange to get hit with two emotions when you know that you’re genuinely happy for someone. It’s definitely conflicting. I never want to be that bitter women who low key scoffs at someone for achieving something or receiving something, you know? It is definitely a lousy cycle! I’m glad I’m not alone!
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I hear you totally – it’s only human to get these feelings, but so hard sometimes to battle with them.
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Definitely hard to battle with them 😉 I guess that’s what makes us mortal. Lol
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This is 100% me right now, and I’ve been turning to distractions, too (cleaning, social media, etc.) instead of investing in reading my Bible and talking to the God who knows my struggles. Ughh. It’s SOOO hard not to get pulled down by comparisons when I see people with flat stomachs, nicer houses, more money, fun vacation, etc. Thank you for this honesty and encouragement that we don’t have to stay in the frustrated spot we’re in.
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Yes yes yes. I am right there with you. Some many materialistic things keeps us veiled in this jealousy and cycle of comparison- it’s hard to see beyond that (& recognize that we most definitely need Jesus in these moments!). Whew! I think our (your) awareness definitely has us on the right track, though. Special because we are children of God, humble because everyone else is, too.
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Absolutely love this! Jealousy and comparison is so easy, but we totally have a choice to choose contentment. Such an encouraging post!
-Kate // http://www.classyandkate.com/capsule-jewelry-inspired-by-my-3-favorite-trips/
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thank you for this reminder – i totally agree know you feel. it’s hard. seriously check out the tapping, watch a few videos on how to do it, specifically for travel and i think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. it has done wonders to take the edge of my anxiety! hang tough ❤ (and by tough i mean, hang in and love you for you, in all seasons)
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Thanks, friend! ❤ I need to remember to try the tapping when I'm feeling anxious!
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