My Life Is Over

Have you noticed that when you announce a major life change there are always a few people that let you know what you’re giving up. Mixed in with the “Congratulations” and “I’m so happy for you” are the “I guess you won’t be doing xyz anymore” and “Looks like it’s time to give up blah blah blah.”

I think it happens most with marriage and babies, although I’ve heard it said about new relationships, job shifts, and house buying, too.

“Got that old ball and chain? Looks like you won’t be at guys’ poker night anymore.”

“You’re expecting? Say goodbye to those frequent flyer miles!”

“New house? Yikes. Goodbye money and Friday nights on the town.”

Two of my best friends live out of town and when I go see them, I usually stay the night. When I got married there were a few comments made about how I can’t do that anymore. Guess what I still do… We also vacation together, with and without our significant others.

When we announced our pregnancy, our corvette was suddenly under attack. “Time to sell the car, eh?” “Babies don’t fit in corvettes.” “Saying goodbye to fun toys is hard.”

We’re not selling our car. We’re also not going to stop traveling or working. And we’ll be keeping our dogs & continuing to allow them to sleep with us.

Our lives are not over.

These comments drive me nuts because I HATE being told what to do or what I can and cannot do. Don’t get me wrong, I know kids change things. The vette might get neglected next summer and I’ve already had to alter my travel for 2020, but when people talk about kids (or marriage or relationships or pet ownership) as a death sentence I just roll my eyes and rage.

I understand the need for humans to offer other humans advice when it comes to life changes, but the one liners about life being over or the fun times being a thing of the past need to go away. Quite honestly, it’s hard enough thinking about the future and planning for all the changes- the snide remarks about “missing out” aren’t helpful to anyone.

So if you’re one who makes these comments, cut it out. It’s not helpful at all. And if you’re on the receiving end, just know that it’s a load of bullsh*t- at least as far as marriage goes. I’ll report back on the childrearing. Regardless, the corvette is staying in the family.

50 thoughts on “My Life Is Over

  1. I hate those comments! Completely blows my mind that people say such things. I can’t help but think these things are said with a hint of maliciousness. Like that person is somehow looking forward to your demise. At any rate: congrats on the pregnancy and all the fun changes that come with kids! Just think of all the gas you’ll save for a bit while the corvette takes a vacay! 😉

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  2. Thankfully nobody said any of those things to me, but when I announced my pregnancy in Facebook one person commented “Twins? Rather your body then mine!”. If you think that then yes, it is probably indeed better for me to be the one that’s carrying twins.
    Children do change your life and I know if/when we actually get to bring a baby home it will be HARD. But I am 100% convinced my life will not be over, but better. And so what if you can’t travel as much for a few years – you are still young, you’ll have plenty of time left to travel when your baby is old enough to enjoy it. (I am not as young but I’ve already done a lot of travelling and I’d honestly rather have a living, breathing baby then ever make it to Canada or Japan.)

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    • Gosh, yes! What a negative comment! Definitely better your body- and your heart and your family and your life. Sheesh, how unhelpful.
      I know we’re in for big changes. Quite frankly, they frighten me. Haha. But I refuse to believe that life is over and I refuse to melt into a puddle of stress and boringness when a kid enters the picture.

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      • It is scary. I am scared of what it will all mean and I’m not even pregnant yet. Lol. Honestly I’m more afraid of hurting the baby/doing something wrong than the life changes though. I’m *ready* to be home with a baby, read stories, etc. I don’t think I will miss working at all for at least the first 4-6 months.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Toddler mom here, and you won’t hurt the baby! They’re tough little critters! You may do something that society views as “wrong,” but if it works for your family then screw ’em all!

          Liked by 2 people

          • Thank you 🙂 My logical brain knows all that, but my paranoid brain says “newborns are tiny and fragile and *something* is bound to go wrong”. Infertility and a late-term miscarriage are not good for my insecurities.

            Liked by 1 person

  3. People say crazy stuff when they don’t know what else to say. Prove them wrong! It seems like instead of the fun being over, you guys will now have access to a whole new world of cool experiences you wouldn’t have had without your new addition!
    You have a big wave of unsolicited advice and opinions coming your way! Just remember to chew the meat, spit out the bones. As in use what you can, forget the rest.

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    • I agree completely. I mean, I AM a child deep down and I enjoy child foods and museums and parks. Hahaha. Now I have a REASON to eat mac and cheese for dinner or go to the park 🙂 Lol. Plus, God made strollers so kids could accompany you places- I don’t see myself staying home and lamenting life 24/7.
      I love that: Chew the meat, spit out the bones. That’s awesome.

      *I know God didn’t make strollers. LOL

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  4. Years ago I realized that there will always be someone who wants to rain on a parade with a silly comment or two. Being happy for others is a task too big for some.

    The award for stupidest comment I ever received was when I was in high school and I was going overseas for the first time. I was excited and some happiness vampire asked if I wasn’t going to miss watching my soaps and sitcoms for a month. Like, “yes Cheryl I’d rather give up the opportunity to go overseas so I can watch some crap on tv.”

    Ignore, ignore……..and ignore some more.

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    • Gosh, ain’t that the truth. I know I’ve been jealous of people in the past for major achievements or trips or big moments, but over time I’ve worked very hard at being genuinely happy for others. And if I do harbor some kind of ill feeling, I keep that to myself. But, admittedly, it can be a tough response to master.

      HAHAHA. Wow. That’s really reaching with the TV comment. I got rain-on-my-parade comments when I studied abroad in India, but I honestly believe it was people worried about my safety. Lol

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I think it’s a reflection of their lives/issues, not mine. That’s what I always say at least, when someone has something negative to say about their husband and implies that translates to John/my relationship, I tell them ‘that’s your reality, not mine.’ Then they get super defensive and that’s always fun for me 😀 A baby would ruin MY life as I know it, yes, but that is in no way YOUR reality!!

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    • HAHAHAHA. I like this whole comment. I agree completely. It takes work to be confident and happy in your own reality, but once you’re there it’s easy to avoid the trap of lamenting with others over something they *probably* have the power to change or improve. I never mind listening to my friends vent about their s/o, but they know how K and I work, and wouldn’t try to push their problems on my relationship. Strangers, on the other hand, seem very put off when I refuse to jump in on how terrible this or that is. Lol

      And truth be told, 4 or 5 years ago having a baby WOULD have ruined (or at least unexpectedly/drastically/negatively impacted) our lives. But we’re adults and we were fortunate to get to make this choice right now (or at least within the last two years or so), so all the negative Nancys with their “It’s going to suck when….” comments can disappear, thankyouverymuch. lol

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  6. Girl, yes. Why do people feel the need to tear people down after good news?! I know we’ll hear the same thing since my husband drives a sports car but like, you don’t know our lives! Yes, you can still have fun and enjoy life when you’re married/a homeowner/have kids. UGH!

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    • I don’t understand the natural instinct to poo poo on someone’s joy. You’re right- you probably WILL get those comments. I mean, my husband and I both have daily drivers. The corvette is his summer toy, lol. So CHILL OUT, KAREN. THE KID CAN RIDE IN OUR JEEP OR RAV4, OKAY?! Lol. But even still, my mom had a red convertible firebird (I think) when I was a kid and surprisingly we were still able to get around. Hahaha.

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  7. I’m not married, nor do I have kids, but I completely agree with. I don’t get whey people have to take good news and try and tear someone down. Maybe they didn’t do fun things after getting married or having kids, but that doesn’t mean it’s true for everyone. You still have to be yourself and live your life. Yeah, compromises are made and you can’t do it ALL, all the TIME, but you can still do it. I like that you don’t plan on changing your life around more than you have to!

    -Lauren
    http://www.shootingstarsmag.net

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    • Me neither. Honestly, my life changed very little after I got married. I moved in with K and I obviously refrained from dating anyone… but I’d been doing that for 5 and a half years anyway. Haha. We discuss big decisions or purchases, but I spend my money and my time and my energy however I want. I take trips, go shopping, and spend time alone just like I did when I was unmarried.
      People have got to chill with the negativity and know-it-all advice.

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  8. Those comments are the worst. People dont realize how much they affect a newly hormonal woman. It drives me NUTS when people have that negative attitude they want to throw on you.
    You’re life is JUST BEGINNING my friend – full of new adventures!

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    • OH MY GOSH, yes. My mind is spinning and churning from all the changes I know are coming our way. Lately I’ve struggled A LOT with holding on to my identity while also embracing the title of “mom” and feeling the right amount of motherly instinct. I overthink everything so it has been super tough for me.
      Then people make these comments about life being over! WHAT? Why and how do they think that is helpful?? Sheesh!
      Thank you! ❤

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  9. Lordy, I hate those kinds of comments and I pray that I was never dumb or ignorant to say them to anyone. Of course big life events, such as marriage, pregnancy, new job and so on, change your life in both amazing and hard ways. Duh. But I’m gonna assume and least seriously hope – that this big life change your undergoing was your freaking decision and you were ready to accept and even embrace the changes that will occur and hold tightly on to the things you don’t want to change. I always think people who tear others down after hearing about their big news must be so unhappy in their lives. And I love the pic of the pups with the baby shoes.

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    • Now that you say that, I do wonder if and when I’ve made remarks like that. I can’t think of any, but I’d never claim to be without sin. I know that I try very, very hard to ensure new brides that the adventure of life continues long after marriage and they can retain their independence and individuality.
      Having a kid was definitely a choice for us. (And I feel lucky we could make it, honestly.) It still comes with it’s doubts, but I don’t need random Susan from the grocery store feeding into those doubts! Sheesh.

      I LOVE that pictures. I’m getting it printed on a canvas and I’m putting it up in the nursery asap. It’s my favorite 🙂

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  10. Sometimes I think people say that stuff because it’s like canned old haha humor no one really ever thought was funny and they have nothing else to say so they fall back on that.

    I do like to say things like WELL IT’S OVER FOR ME NOW ironically but that is best said to those I know well and face to face because I like to engage in a brand of deprecating humor sometimes and that doesn’t always translate to people who don’t know me.

    Still I don’t say these things here because I don’t believe life is over in any instance, certainly not in instances like marriage or children where another aspect of life is just beginning.

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    • I agree. They say it for laughs but it’s not funny.

      I am 100% positive I have made the comment to my mom or dad or K about life being over. I’ve told people close to me that I’ll see them in 18 years. LOL. Also, when K and I see a kid being weird we’ll look at each other and go, “Let’s not have any.” Clearly we’re kidding. We’re just dark and twisted. Lol.

      But I definitely don’t make those comments to others and I get so uncomfortable and irritated when acquaintances try to put a negative spin on something that should be happily anticipated.

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  11. First: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
    Second: I love this SO MUCH! It irritates me so much when people make these stupid assumptions. Just because their life changed in a way they didn’t like, doesn’t mean yours will. You guys will find YOUR way and be 100x happier for it.

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    • Thank you! 🙂
      It’s definitely a case of good for me, not for you (thanks, LifeAccordingtoSteph! lol) but also a case of mind your own business + if you don’t have something nice to say…. I mean, we all approach things differently so, while I know my life will change, it will probably change differently than those who have gone before me, ya know?

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  12. I don’t know what it is about pregnancy in particular, but it’s like people feel that they have a license to say ANYTHING they want to you. One lady I work with was bad about telling me how big I was. So helpful, lady! Yes, babies/children change your life. Yes, there will be some temporary adjustments and possibly sacrifices, but everything is a season. Soon, you will bring out the corvette, pop a car seat in it, grab the 17 bags you need to travel with a little person, and hit the road!

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    • Ugh… I’m still pretty small but people still have their advice. I can’t wait until the stranger-touching and size comments start. UGHHH. Haha.
      **Also- your package is going in the mail THIS WEEK. I’m so sorry I suck!

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  13. These comments kill me and I can’t believe people have the audacity to make them. It’s 2019 you can do it all being married with kids. You don’t need to be barefoot in a kitchen – though if that’s your jam by all means do that. That’s the thing. We’re should be able to make choices for our lives.

    Congrats on the baby. I’m so happy for you!

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    • It’s just kind of weird how people think they need to smack you with some harsh realities when you’re celebrating something happy. Like, hellooooo, I KNOW things are going to change and get a little tough. But thanks for being the one to point that out. Sheesh.

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  14. Yeah, people are rude! Marriage and children are good things, but they’re often portrayed to be as bad things.
    Life has changed a lot for me since becoming a mom, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad or that it’s over! We do different things now, that’s all. I love doing stuff as a family, like taking the kids pumpkin picking. There are a lot of things that kids make MORE fun like Halloween and holidays.
    You will still and always be YOU, you’re just adding on the title of Mom. I try really hard not to let that be the only thing about me, because one day, they’ll move out and won’t need me as much as they do now. It’s so important to retain our own identities because we’re people too!
    You’re going to be great and you’re going to have so much fun. Forget the naysayers! ❤

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    • I think some people are just super bitter.
      I love kid activities so I’m looking forward to the changes- especially once they’re older and aware of the fun stuff we’re doing!
      I struggle a lot with adding “mom” to my title and not changing it completely… I feel like sometimes society has a way of bullying us into being “mom” and only “mom”… and I don’t like that. I feel super strongly about still being me with my own defining traits 😉
      Thank you!

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  15. Amen. People made comments to Chris and I about how our lives were going to change when I was pregnant and I was like duhhhh I am having a kid…obviously things are going to change! But you know what is not going to change? Having fun. Because now, we still do all the things we used to do…and we have someone else to share it all with.

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    • Yep, EXACTLY. When people make comments about our priorities or possessions I’ve just like, “Um, I’ve gone this long figuring all this out myself- I don’t need the random advice on WHAT I OWN now.” lol

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  16. People don’t realize how incredibly rude and disheartening their comments can be. ESPECIALLY when you’re already emotional preparing for a new change in your life. Honestly, life hasn’t changed much for us. We still travel, we still go out, and we take Bella pretty much everywhere- except the occasional date night. I think it’s helped develop her personality and helped me too- learning how to navigate situations and the world with a new person in tow is really quite awesome! Sorry to hear you’ve heard these comments too, they still sometimes get to me. xoxo

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    • Yes yes yes. I am already an emotional mess. And if people don’t think I haven’t thought about how my life will change… they don’t know me very well (and therefore, shouldn’t be offering advice- ha). Our plan is to take baby everywhere we can and keep living life with the little one 🙂
      Thanks, friend!

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  17. I agree and that advice is unhelpful. I don’t think anyone was that negative when I was pregnant. That would be so frustrating! I don’t know what things I would tell my past self as helpful advice when it comes to how a kid changes your life. Everyone knows a kid changes your life, but the best anyone could do would be to offer to listen or give a hug etc when the time comes, not lecture you on what’s going to happen.

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  18. Yes! I really don’t get what the point of those comments are, other than just to be mean. They’re right up there with “I hope you get all the sleep now because once the baby comes…hardy har har.” Honestly, I was surprised by just how much I love being a mama! It’s not easy, but it’s easily the best thing I’ve ever done. 🙂

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    • I agree. These comments are just rooted in meanness. The sleep thing is ridiculous. Gee, thank you, very helpful. Lol
      I’m looking forward to meeting baby on the outside 🙂 Lol!

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  19. It is kind of crazy that people treat big life changes as a “death sentence” of sorts. Now…things do change, that I fully admit. I’ve been teaching ever since we moved overseas, and after a month off after Cyrus was born, I went right back to it, bringing baby with me…but my mom has already mentioned, and I may need to accept, that with a 1.5 year old and a tiny baby…I will probably need to step back from teaching for a while as I probably don’t have quite enough attention to effectively teach several preschoolers all the preK things they need to know + take care of my toddler and my baby all at the same time. Just on a realistic level…

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    • I’m 100% for change. (I’m sure I’m not ready for what exactly those changes ARE, but I’m prepared for the change to occur. Haha.) I am not 100% for this death sentence/my life is over/etc. crap. For now we are planning on one kid and slowly incorporating the kid into the life we have and love. I know there will be concessions, but that’s the choice we made when we said, “Let’s have a kid!” Two kids would definitely bring on more changes 😉 You’ll figure it out quickly!

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  20. It really is frustrating when people say things like this. Even if there is a hint of truth as far as the fact that things WILL change, it’s just negative and not encouraging. Sorry you’re having to deal with that. I felt super annoyed about it when we were getting married.

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    • Agreed. I feel like there’s a difference between “your life is going to change” and “all the nice things you’re used to are gone and it will be miserable for 18 years.” Lol

      Like

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