Have you noticed that when you announce a major life change there are always a few people that let you know what you’re giving up. Mixed in with the “Congratulations” and “I’m so happy for you” are the “I guess you won’t be doing xyz anymore” and “Looks like it’s time to give up blah blah blah.”
I think it happens most with marriage and babies, although I’ve heard it said about new relationships, job shifts, and house buying, too.
“Got that old ball and chain? Looks like you won’t be at guys’ poker night anymore.”
“You’re expecting? Say goodbye to those frequent flyer miles!”
“New house? Yikes. Goodbye money and Friday nights on the town.”
Two of my best friends live out of town and when I go see them, I usually stay the night. When I got married there were a few comments made about how I can’t do that anymore. Guess what I still do… We also vacation together, with and without our significant others.
When we announced our pregnancy, our corvette was suddenly under attack. “Time to sell the car, eh?” “Babies don’t fit in corvettes.” “Saying goodbye to fun toys is hard.”
We’re not selling our car. We’re also not going to stop traveling or working. And we’ll be keeping our dogs & continuing to allow them to sleep with us.
Our lives are not over.
These comments drive me nuts because I HATE being told what to do or what I can and cannot do. Don’t get me wrong, I know kids change things. The vette might get neglected next summer and I’ve already had to alter my travel for 2020, but when people talk about kids (or marriage or relationships or pet ownership) as a death sentence I just roll my eyes and rage.
I understand the need for humans to offer other humans advice when it comes to life changes, but the one liners about life being over or the fun times being a thing of the past need to go away. Quite honestly, it’s hard enough thinking about the future and planning for all the changes- the snide remarks about “missing out” aren’t helpful to anyone.
So if you’re one who makes these comments, cut it out. It’s not helpful at all. And if you’re on the receiving end, just know that it’s a load of bullsh*t- at least as far as marriage goes. I’ll report back on the childrearing. Regardless, the corvette is staying in the family.