Halfway There Bumpdate

I kind of hate the word “bumpdate” but I’m not looking to reinvent the wheel and we all know what that made-up word means so I’m using it. Lol

If we ever have a second kid I’d like to know how my pregnancies compare so I decided I’d do a little halfway post. Maybe I’ll do an end of the road post too (around 39 weeks or so), but no guaranteeing I’ll have the energy or brain or time to do that. We’ll see.

We’re at 23 weeks and 2 days. This is going to be a long one. Sorry.

Feeling.
I had a little nausea during the first trimester, but I never threw up. I’ve had reflux and gas bubbles the entire time, but I had that before I was pregnant. It’s baaad if I forget to take my pill, though. The gas bubbles are quite painful.

I was SO tired in the first trimester and, honestly, that hasn’t gone away. I did not get a burst of energy after 12 weeks, lol. I’m either slightly less tired or just used to it now. Ha.

Nothing is too sore yet. Sometimes my lower back starts to hurt by the afternoon but I just put my feet up or change positions. I can tell that stretching and growing is happening in my pelvis, but it hasn’t been super painful. Just little ouchies now and then.

Craving/Aversions/Weight.
I haven’t had cravings, but it seems like I’m always down for pb&j sandwiches, chicken nuggets, corndogs, ice cream, avocados, Eggo waffles, and pasta. I wasn’t a huge pasta eater prior to pregnancy so that’s the oddball. (I did have a week of pickles- I ate a whole jar in two days.) My reflux sometimes makes everything unappealing so eating has been a hit or miss.

I can’t even look at/smell anything smothered in bbq sauce, most forms of unbreaded chicken, or eggs. Salads also don’t appeal to me which is sad because I love salad.

On the flip side, I want to eat Caesar salad SO BADLY. And I really want a cold cut turkey sandwich (but I’m supposed to avoid lunchmeat). Sigh. Soon… soon…

At 23 weeks I’m up about 13 lbs. The doctors haven’t said a thing about my weight so I figure that’s a good place to be. I asked K to be honest and tell me if he thinks I’ve gained weight anywhere outside of my stomach. He said no, but I think my legs/thighs have fluffed up a bit. Lol

Emotions.
I’ve been level headed-ish with a few major outbursts. I cried at the NASCAR race over disappointment. I spent a whole night crying when my bff said she was moving to FL. I sobbed through the trailer for The Art of Racing in the Rain (not cried, SOBBED). I also sobbed through a mother/son dance at a wedding but it was an emotional moment for a lot of people, I think. I really lost my temper one night with Lylee. Obviously I didn’t hurt her, but I was mad and K was like, “Dude. You’re scaring ME. Chill out.”
I cry easily at commercials, etc. but I’ve always been a crier- now it’s just a little more intense.

Mental Health.
I’ve mentioned my anxiety/depression here before so I wanted to include that in my update. The first trimester was kind of rough. I had strong feelings of inadequacy and I struggle to bond with the little lady because I was (I am) terrified to lose my own identity in motherhood. I know that seems… wrong? but I am not a naturally maternal person so it was a struggle to accept all those feelings- even though I wanted a baby.

I’ve sorted it out much better now. Prenatal yoga was a turning point as far as bonding goes. Also, finding out her sex helped me connect, too. (If she was a he I still would’ve felt connected- it was just another piece of the puzzle to baby’s personality for me.) I still struggle. I wonder if I’ll be a good mom. I wonder if she’ll like me. I wonder if postpartum depression is going to hit me as hard as I think it will. But it’s something I openly talk about with K and it’s a topic that I won’t shy away from with medical professionals. I found pregnancy very, very isolating at first and, especially as an introvert, it scared me how much that bothered me.

Baby.
According to my app she’s the size of a chinchilla. Or a Barbie Doll. But I’m going to say she’s more like me and fluffy like a chinchilla. She moves around a bunch- mostly in the afternoons and evenings. K hasn’t been able to feel her yet but I think we’re close.

I think she’s stubborn. Obviously that’s me projecting a personality on her, but she’ll quit moving the moment K gets up to feel her and I think she intentionally gives the ultrasound techs a tough time- especially after they jab at her and piss her off, lol. K and I are ridiculously stubborn so there’s a great chance I’m right.

Sleep.
Things aren’t great. To be fair, our mattress isn’t super comfortable and I contort around the dogs on our bed. (Lately I’ve been moving them but they snuggle in again after I doze off, lol.) I currently use four pillows- one normal, one king size, one body pillow, and a thigh pillow. Plus I kind of steal K’s cooling pillow that he keeps between us (#pillowwall). To be fair, that pillow used to be mine. He stole it years ago.

I HATE sleeping on my side. I want to be on my stomach 😦 And I wake up with an ear ache 50% of the time. Ugh.

I get up once around 2 or 4am to use the bathroom. Usually it coincides with a doggie potty break.

Dad.
K has been the best ever. He comforts me when I’m upset over silly things, he makes me laugh off the tears, he let’s me vent my frustrations and air my insecurities without judging me. He’s been patient and understanding and so supportive. And he’s so dang excited to be a dad- especially to this little girl.

He’s also been to every appointment except one- because he was on a business trip. He hasn’t complained about the cloth diapering classes or birthing classes that we signed up for. I know that he’s just as much a part of this parenting journey as me, but it just feels nice to have such an active and supportive partner.

Other things to note.
My belly button is still firmly in place which is good because I’m not ready for that.

Also, I can still touch my toes no problem. By the end of the day it’s a chore to bend over but I can do it.

I don’t know if I mentioned this, but both ultrasound technicians have commented on this girl’s long freaking legs and her squirminess. So I’m just assuming that she will absolutely make my organs pay dearly in the next 16+ weeks.

I’m awful that keeping up the baby book. Haha.

My app told me that Braxton-Hicks contractions can start any time (although they’re more frequent in the third trimester). Umm, NO THANK YOU.

So there we have it. That’s about all I have to record thus far. Despite some of my whining, I’m very grateful for where we’re at in this pregnancy. I know the journey looks different for all moms and I’ve had good fortune with baby’s development & health.

I know that was long, but I wanted to write all those things somewhere and I’m terrible about actually journaling, so if you made it this far, thanks ♥

28 thoughts on “Halfway There Bumpdate

  1. I LOVE this. It’s so fascinating to see how your pregnancy is going (weirdly I don’t mind reading your updates even though seeing people’s pregnancy posts on Facebook makes me want to cry?). Halfway… so exciting!

    Jan wanted me to crave pickles when I was pregnant. I have no idea why! I usually hate them and he was desperate for my taste buds to have a complete turnaround… even though he doesn’t really eat them either (he doesn’t dislike them, just doesn’t really care about them).

    I think EVERYBODY wonders if they’ll be a good mum and whether their baby will like them. It’s natural/normal. I have definitely thought about all the ways I could potentially mess my kids up. You know, the kids I currently can’t even CONCEIVE so thinking about whether I can be a good mum to them is slightly premature.

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    • I’m so glad you said that, Bev. I often worry about upsetting my blog friends with pregnancy posts because I know all our journeys look different. I don’t want to refrain from sharing my life here, but I definitely try to respect my readers and friends, too, when it comes to life struggles ❤

      K found it hilarious that I went on a pickle spree. I've never eaten the ones on sandwich platters or gravitated toward pickles in the store. He was so amused when a jar appeared in the fridge (and then disappeared just as fast, ha).

      Ugh. It's weird to worry about the opinion of CHILDREN haha. But having their approval is such a mind-trip when you're already vulnerable to hormones and emotions.

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  2. This post is just so fun – I love hearing how its all going for you.
    I think that weight gain is great – especially having a girl. I think when you’re PG with a girl, you gain more – you spread out wide more with girls & more poking out front with boys (I’m not a doctor – just an observer) LOL
    GiRL – I sobbed too at that trailer – I can imagine adding in hormones.
    So – was that dill or sweet pickles? Isnt it funny how food aversions come & go?
    Keep showing that bump – you are one adorable momma!!!

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    • Thanks, friend 🙂 I’ve heard that weight gain for girls is a little more and a little more spread out, too. Yesterday I had a friend tell me I didn’t even look pregnant- or at least not 23 weeks worth. I like those compliments AND bump compliments. Haha!
      Dill for sure! I am not all about the sweets really right now.

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  3. Congrats for getting to (past) the halfway point! My belly button stuck out so far with both kids, and I hated it so much. I don’t know why, but it was just extremely annoying. Hopefully things continue to go well for you. You will be a wonderful mother, and of course she will LOVE you!

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  4. Love this, Audrey. And yes, it is definitely something you’ll back upon and share with your baby girl someday too! I love your honesty – especially around fears about being a great Mom because I think that’s something everyone fears but no one wants to admit. I know that I would be fearful too and hope my friends would tell me that the fact I’m scared means I’m going to be a great Mom because I care so much about doing right by my baby. (Hint: I’m that friend for you. You’re going to be an awesome Mom and raise a confident, strong girl.) Also, love the honesty around post-partum depression. Another area that gets overlooked and needs to be discussed. And finally, you’re little baby bump is so freaking adorable!

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    • It’s funny that I’m the most confident I’ve ever been as Audrey- but when I think about being in charge of a human and earning her affection all that confidence melts away. I think K gets even MORE confident thinking about that, but he’s incredibly paternal and kids really love him.
      Thank you, friend ❤ I feel such love and support from my internet community!

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  5. Aw, I’m so glad that things are going well. I’m an emotional person and cry easy, so if I were you, I’d be crying all the time too. And I’d definitely be worried about post partum depression, but it’s good you’re open about it and aware, because I think that can really help if it does happen. And I’m glad your husband is so supportive and involved – not all dads are like that, so kudos to him for doing the right thing! lol I like these updates – they’re fun, so feel free to share whenever. 🙂

    -Lauren
    http://www.shootingstarsmag.net

    p.s. I do have to choose the giveaway winner later today; I’ll let you know who won!!

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    • Oh man. The crying is ridiculous. And I KNOW when it’s coming. I usually warn K. Haha.
      I think K brought up PPD before I even did. He was picking up on my inadequacy issues early on and keeping an eye on me. He’s pretty good at that. Hopefully it helps him out when we have a teenage girl on our hands 😉

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  6. I hate the word bumpdate but like reading them to see how my friends are doing – love this one, super happy you are including mental health and facets of the experience that are not all glitter and wonder awash in a rosy glow. Having a child is a huge life change and we do a disservice to ourselves and each other when we act like there are no doubts or worries or negative emotions we have to work through during the process. Huge kudos to you for discussing those things.

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    • It’s a weird, kind of ugly word. And annoying for some reason. Ha.

      I thought a lot about my mental health in that first trimester. (Which of course made me feel even more self conscious and inadequate.) I feel like I’ve worked nearly 29 years to establish my identity and it so often seems like women are slapped with the term MOM and filed away in a box of other moms- never to have their own lives or wants or personalities again. It was such an all-consuming fear for a long time. And I’m not naturally maternal, so trying to *be* maternal to a lima bean that I was supposed to already be in love with was just a foreign concept for me. I love that she’s bigger and more present now. And the more I give her a personality, the more I feel like I get to keep mine and we can compare those differences and bond over the similarities some day.

      I’ve put SO much thought into this these past 20+ weeks. Ha.

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  7. Chicken grossed me out with both pregnancies too. UGH. Shudder.
    I had a turkey sub brought to me at the hospital the day after Holden was born because I had been craving one so badly too. Haha!
    Just like you, I’ve never been a naturally maternal person and I struggled with that and my identity. I have always been a huge proponent of women not losing themselves to their children, so I continue to make time for my own things like working, reading, blogging, etc. I think it’s so important. Because I’m not naturally maternal, my mothering style may be a bit different from some, but that’s okay. This is what works for our family, and my boys are healthy and loved. Just know that anything you feel is normal and okay. And you will bond with her. It took me a little while with Caleb because it was all so new to me and I had depression (see below), but it was a lot quicker with Holden.
    And I struggled badly with PPD. I have depression and anxiety anyway, but PPD was a challenge. Please know that I am here for you day and night. I have been there twice now and you can text me, message me, anything you want. It goes away, I promise!

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    • Too funny that we were/are so similar in pregnancies. K has three jobs at the hospital and one of them is to get me a turkey sandwich within hours of me giving birth. Haha.
      I can imagine myself as a good mom when I look at the big picture, but when I focus in on little moments and think about PPD I get really worried and unsure of myself. I’m sure it’s normal and I’m not scared of those thoughts, but it’s something I think should be discussed because all women don’t naturally fall into that role as mom.
      Thank you, friend ❤ I'm sure I will take you up on that!

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  8. I literally JUST started being able to eat salad again. I don’t know what the deal was with that, but it made me really sad. Haha. I still can’t really do chicken, though it’s getting better. Love reading your update, especially since I’m only a little bit ahead of you. 🙂

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    • I know I SHOULD eat salads and I really WANT to eat them… but they just don’t sound good. And unless it’s a chicken nugget I do NOT want it. Hahaha. I love that, too!! It’s fun seeing how other people are doing and what snacks/activities/thoughts they have!

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  9. I could not handle chicken (unless it was like chick fila nuggets) pretty much my entire pregnancy. Zoe wanted burgers and steaks, and basically she’s still that way today! And she was stubborn with the techs all the time, and she is one strong willed little girl still. So you might be on to something! I love that she is strong and has opinions. I just hope they’re to help run a company or the country…and not a gang in prison lol!!!

    Don’t be too concerned about being strongly connected right now. When I started feeling Zoe move around more and see her be stubborn for the techs, or kick me a whole lot when I sat a way she didn’t like…it helped me get to know her a little more. But it wasn’t until I held her in my arms, that the motherly instincts and love really kicked in. And every day since, our relationship has grown even more. Chris didn’t feel connected with her at all until she was a few months old I think. When he stopped being afraid of her.

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    • Nuggets are great. Every other form of chicken is a NO. Lol.
      I’ve been on board with some burgers and pasta. Honestly, meat hasn’t sounded great. Lol
      I’m all for a strong willed little girl… as long as she give ME a break every now and then. Ha. (Unlikely. Lol)
      I’ve been worried about the connection thing, but the more she makes her presence known the better it is. When we found out her sex and when she started moving more something clicked within me. I still worry, but not as much. I think K is already connected to her. He is so amazing with kids and babies- I think he already feels bonded and excited to hang out with her. Lol

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  10. I don’t like the word ‘bumpdate’…and I’ve totally searched __ Weeks Bumpdate many times before just to read what different weeks of pregnancy are like for different people. So…I guess it’s handy to know the word to search for! 😛
    I think it’s been a weird feeling of ‘bonding’ with this baby…in part because I think some part of me imagines that we’re just going to have Cyrus all over again, even though I know that’s not true, that has been the weird result of having had one baby fairly recently. I’m sure we’ll find ourselves assuming that some song or toy or whatever will be his favorite just because Cyrus loved it so much and we’ll be shocked to find out that he doesn’t have the same tastes. hahaha!
    I almost never want to eat meat but I crave Subway a lot…and that will probably be one of my first meals once I’m allowed to have deli meat again. Not gonna lie. I probably ate too much Subway-style sandwiches after Cyrus was born, too. That’s probably the food I miss the most. Doesn’t have to be actual Subway, just that kind of sandwich. Sliced roast beef or turkey or something. I like cold sandwiches.

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    • That’s pretty much how I feel about the word, too. Haha.
      I’ve never thought about how easy it’d be to project kid #1’s personality on kid #2. I’m sure you’ll be in for lots of fun surprises with #2! I love guessing what kind of personality she’ll take on. K and I are similar in some ways and sooo different in others. Who knows what hybrid human she’ll be!
      I almost tear up when passing a Subway. I am SO hungry for it! Lol

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  11. I hear you about worrying about connecting – BUT once you see that little face looking up at you…!

    My friend Sima at the Curious Pixie is wonderful example of a Mom who adores her kids, but hasn’t lost herself.

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    • I think you’re 100% right! The closer we get to meeting her and the more she moves around on the inside, the more connected I feel. We also use her name at home (but keep it a secret everywhere else!) so I love doing that 🙂
      I will check out her blog! That sounds like just what I need!

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