The Last 366 Days in My 20s

I am 29 years old today. Until two days ago, I forgot my birthday was this week. I feel both retrospective and future focused.

This past year was very out of my control and that’s not something I handle well. We finally kicked off our parenthood journey. We felt a ton of professional and financial pressure. We grieved harder than we’ve ever grieved before. It was a weird year & I honestly don’t care to look back on it.

I feel like I’m walking into 29 as a complete and total wreck. My emotions & hormones are a mess. My house is a mess. My brain is a mess. For a type-a control freak, it’s actually quite terrifying.

But I also feel a sense of calmness in the chaos. Most things are out of my control right now and there’s a unique freedom in that.

The planner in me wants to list some goals but I already have my 30×30 list (which will definitely not get accomplished). If I had to list three vague, general goals for Year 29 they would be:

Figure out how to be a mom. Hopefully a good mom, sometimes a bad mom probably, but just a human MOM overall.

Wrap Enzo and Bristol in as much love and patience as I can manage. B is still adjusting to our home & both will feel the shift when baby arrives- so I just want them to always feel loved and wanted.

Keep up the incredible, understanding, same-team relationship with K that we’ve had for years. It’ll be weird to bring another human into our mix, but I love my life with Kyle and I don’t doubt I’ll love it even more when our mini arrives.

That’s it. Those are my goals for the next year. That’s where I’m dumping my energy and time and efforts. Yeah, I’ll have other goals like cleaning out the ________ or attend x amount of holiday festivities or train Bristol to not blah blah blah…. but those are the core initiatives for the next 366 days. (I get a bonus day w/ the leap year!)

Very little makes this day different from any other day in 2019, but it feels like a fresh page for me. Things from Year 28 will certainly shape how Year 29 goes, but I want to take on this new age with a new attitude. I won’t be a Pinterest mom or a dog whisperer or a marriage expert by 30, but I hope that I fully experience age 29 and all it has to offer while I’m here.

I also hope to read more books. That seems like the loftiest goal of all given the newborn. Haha.

19 thoughts on “The Last 366 Days in My 20s

  1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    You are basically living the life I dreamed of at 29 (I always wanted to have my first kid before I turned 30). I literally cried on my 30th birthday because I wasn’t a mother. I’m so looking forward to seeing how you get on over the next year – I just know you are going to be the BEST mum. You already *are* the best mum. Your baby girl is the luckiest (as are your fur babies).

    Like

    • Oh friend. That breaks my heart ❤ To flip the table on you, you're living in my FAVORITE country. If I could wake up in Switzerland every single morning?? Oh man. Heaven for sure. I know it's a different role than you wanted right now, but you are a fabulous momma to those two little angels. And it's preparation for being a mom earth-side some day. Sending you love! And thank you!

      Like

      • Oh I am definitely grateful for every day I get to wake up in Switzerland 🙂

        I’m not even sure I would have made a good mother when I was younger – I just hated the thought of being an “old” mother. Oh the irony! I was 32 when we started trying and doctors kept telling me I had plenty of time. Now they say I’m “advanced maternal age”.

        Like

  2. Everything you’ve posted about pregnancy on Twitter has been so relatable and this is too. When I had my first son, I was determined to “not lose my identity” and I kept trying to stay involved with the same activities and goal setting and it was too much. When I set goals for this year (when I was pregnant with #2), I set focus areas instead for each quarter. And the first quarter of the year was just “Survive.” Birth and newborns and trying to get sleep. That’s it. And it’s been so much less stressful with more realistic expectations! (And also knowing what we’re doing.) I think you’re going in with the right mindset and I hope it’s smoother for you than it was for me.

    Like

    • Thanks, Jenn! When I found out I was pregnant I made myself crazy over not losing my identity. It caused a lot of grief for me. I remember feeling like I’d just given up who I was to only be a MOM and I honestly hated that. Some women embrace it but I just saw my personality and profession and identity slipping away. It also cause me to struggle with bonding to my baby. I’ve been doing a lot of mental work to sort those feelings out and find a better headspace for myself. Thank you for the comment- it’s comforting to know others rationalize their way through similar thoughts.

      Like

  3. I hope your 29th year is the most incredible year ever… with a new fur baby & a new human baby (LOL) on the way, its going to be one to remember, that’s for sure!!!
    Happy Birthday friend!!!

    Like

  4. This brought tears to my eyes. All that matters in the end is love, and you’ve got that and so much of it girlfriend! What wonderful goals for a new year of you and changes…you will be the BEST mom. It’s not easy, every day can bring new things, but it is the craziest type of love you will ever feel and SO fulfilling. I hope it’s a wonderful year ahead for you, xoxo

    Like

    • Thank you, Emelia! You’re so sweet ❤ Some times it all seems a bit overwhelming. I try to remind myself to take it one moment at a time and focus on the important stuff. Hopefully that gets me through. Lol

      Like

  5. Happy Belated Birthday. I turned 29 in May…and I don’t really care so much about getting older, but it’s a bit sad sometimes thinking of where I’m at in life compared to where other people are. I try to remember that we’re all on our own journey though. I hope you have a great 29th year and I love your goals. I think you’ll be an amazing mom!

    -Lauren
    http://www.shootingstarsmag.net

    Like

    • Thank you!
      You are 100% correct- you’re definitely on your own journey that is perfect for you. Don’t fall into the comparison trap! Your life is unfolding exactly the way it was meant to 🙂 Keep setting goals and chasing the dreams you have for yourself. You’ll get there!

      Like

  6. You NAILED how I feel about being 29!! It’s such a strange age. I feel like 2019 has been a prologue to my actual life. Which is why I have pretty huge hopes for 2020.
    My 30 before 30 list had to be completely rewritten to be feasible. I love that you are choosing to focus on the most important things. I think that is setting yourself up for complete success!

    Like

    • 29 definitely feels like it could be a prologue to 30. I’m thinking with a baby and new dog and work it’ll be a monumental year of just surviving. Hahaha. I’m actually looking forward to 2020 and my 30s. 2019 had good moments, but it was a really hard year for me.
      Thank you! Definitely not getting that 30×30 list done, but we’ll see if I can cross a few more off. Ha.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s