B*tchfest vol. 1

I feel like this could be an ongoing series.

Welcome to B*tchfest where I complain about mostly mundane, trivial, first world things. Some of these are legit, but most are dumb.

Let’s do this.

Expensive maternity clothes.
On a whim I googled “maternity jumpsuits.” Not my style but I look round anyway so whatever. The first site to pop up was HATCH. Who in their right mind spends +$200 on maternity clothes?! What the what?! I likely won’t spend that money on something I’d wear forever, let alone 4-6 months. *vomit* Hello, Amazon? It’s your friend cheap Audrey. I’ll be right over.

Speed Limit Ignorers.
I’ve always had a bit of road rage but I had to actually stop myself from getting out of my car at a red light and pounding on a truck’s window and screaming at him about his speed of 30 in a 45mph zone. Guys, my hand was on my door handle. But honestly: go the damn speed limit. You might have an angry pregnant person who is late for work (*her own fault*) behind you.

Lady pockets.
As if we don’t already get screwed in the pocket department, all three maternity jeans I own have NO front pockets (but the maternity shorts I have do have front pockets so clearly it’s possible structurally). It makes me SO mad. And the two pitiful back pockets are so shallow. Half of my phone hangs out!

Two lane drive-thrus.
I think the concept is great but I’m a rule follower and I know who gets in line after me and if they end up in front of me after we order I AM NOT OK. Also, so many people can’t figure this out. They go around cars that are clearly waiting for the exact same thing as you. And then there are people that sit and wait for the lines to move (leaving massive two or three car gaps) so they can pick one. NOPE. Pick a line and move your damn car. I get so angry in these lines.

My internal temperature/blushing.
When I was a teenager I blushed all the time. I could feel the heat start and I couldn’t stop it. At some point in my early 20s I got a handle on it. I don’t know if it was confidence or if my body just figured it out, but the excessive blushing stopped. WELL IT’S BACK NOW. I imagine it’s because there’s a bunch of extra blood in my body but I can’t have a conversation with ANYONE without blushing. Which then makes me hot. And I sweat. UGH.

Having to always go to the bathroom.
TMI? Too bad. This is my last pregnancy-related one. But seriously. Leave the house? Go potty. Arrive at destination 15 minutes away? Go potty. Stand up? Go potty. When we did our birthing class they told us that women get catheters when they have an epidural. That freaked me out at the time but now? Yes. Please. I would take that over going to the bathroom 30 times an hour.

I know there are 100 more things I could write about, but those are the ones that come to mind right now. What would you like to bitch about today?

23 thoughts on “B*tchfest vol. 1

  1. On the same lines as maternity clothes I would add expensive baby clothes, and especially designer baby clothes. Who pays a small fortune for things that are a) going to constantly be covered with bodily fluids and b) will only fit for a couple of months. I don’t get it!

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    • I agree completely. I will admit that expensive baby clothes are much more tempting (for me) to buy than maternity clothes, BUT it’s still totally ridiculous and unnecessary. Lol
      I bought $27 Harry Potter burp rags and rolled my eyes at myself for buying something so pricey that she’s LITERALLY going to throw up on. Haha.

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  2. I remember seeing bloggers recommend HATCH maternity clothes. There’s not enough disposable income in all the world for me to buy there. I found Old Navy/Gap to be the most helpful!
    After living in other parts of the country, I can clearly state that Pittsburgh drivers are the worst. The slowest. The least capable. The most obtuse.
    That’s why, until I read this post, I realized I hadn’t see a two-lane drive-thru since Colorado: I’m quite sure no one here would be able to use them.
    (And I say all of this being *from* the Pittsburgh area…I’m not just picking on the locals. I never realized how I was raised, apparently.)

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    • Agreeeeeeed. Maybe if I made more than a middle class salary? Haha. I mean, I’m sure that’s nothing for many people but if a t-shirt is more than $8 I tend to put it back. Haha.
      Pittsburgh is such a weirdly laid out city… You almost have to drive like that. Hahahaha. For as “polite” as Midwesterners are supposed to be, we/they drive like morons.

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  3. Loved this, haha!
    I was just complaining about my pocketless jeans!! I bought some jeggings for the first time, and realized after I bought them that the front pockets were just decoration. I was so mad! We need to hold stuff too. I’ve also been angry looking at the selection of Women’s work boots. They are either completely hideous, or ridiculously impractical.
    Also totally with you on the two lane drive thrus! Seriously doesn’t help the efficiency at all.

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    • UGH. Lady pockets make me crazy. Why do women carry purses? Because NOTHING fits in our dang pockets! And taking the pockets out of maternity jeans?? Hello. I’m carrying enough weight- let me drop my purse and stick my essentials in my pockets. Don’t take those from me. GRR.
      I will never understand the change to a two lane drive thru. I got cut off getting coffee this morning by someone who ordered AFTER me. UGHHHHHHHH.

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  4. oh, the internal temp when you’re pregnant. feels like your core is an inferno. i was pregnant during the winter so i would literally go outside and walk around with nothing on except a thin shirt and it was heaven. i’d sleep with the windows open and a thin sheet meanwhile it turned to the arctic in my bedroom and my husband would be wrapped up in his duvet begging to shut the window. I’VE BEEN UNCOMFORTABLE FOR THE PAST 9 MONTHS BECAUSE OF THIS BABY SO YOU CAN BE UNCOMFORTABLE FOR ONE NIGHT.

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    • I’m glad the majority of my third trimester has been fall/winter. It’s been nice to just go outside or crack a window. I also take control of the work thermostat and freeze everyone out here with little to no shame. Ha.

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  5. Your poor pregnant bladder…. relief is coming soon 🙂
    I get such rage in those double drive through things too. Can they really save that much time? Just get people through fast food places & no need to infuriate your customers!!!

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    • I’m counting on it! Haha! For now she seems quite content, though.
      There is no way the double drive thru save any time… It’s just them fitting more people in their parking lot and getting more money. So frustrating & ridiculous!

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  6. I can weirdly relate to the bathroom issues but I’m not pregnant, just got a teeny tiny bladder. I should invest in Depends stock because yeah. I’m gonna be a big user some day. TMI? Sorry. I had no idea there was 2 lane drive-thrus! I’m guessing they aren’t common in LA because land is such a premium that most places wouldn’t buy extra property to do two lanes but anyway – I’m be irritated and I’d also (if I’m being hones) be the dumb dumb causing problems too!

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    • Hahaha, not TMI. Totally understandable.
      Ugh. Two lane drive thrus are the worst. They reformat the space of one lane and make it two. So there’s not extra room, everyone piles up on top of each others, and people CANNOT figure it out. I hate it so much!

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  7. You’d love me, I almost never go the speed limit. Always 10 over, if no traffic. 11 and over the fine is higher so I only do that if I’m certain there’s no cops. But UNDER? Never! That’s blasphemy.

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    • Yesssss! I always go anywhere from 7 to 15 over. Hahaha. Through town maybe only 5, but on the highway I speed like crazy. People who go the speed limit? Fine, I guess. People that go under? GET OFF THE ROAD.

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  8. Maternity clothes are OUTRAGEOUS…such a load of crap! I HATE the 2 lane drive thru thing…why, why, why…it is NOT efficient. Huge bummer because our Chick-Fil-A is closed for a month while they do renovations and add one in, I’m not happy about it. UGH!

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    • I can’t understand charging that much for clothes you maybe wear for 5 months. And our local thrift/consignment shops really stink so it’s a bust to hunt through the racks there. Sigh. The two lane drive thru is a ploy to get more people in line. That’s it. It doesn’t move any faster. The chick-fil-a north of us changed to a two lane system. At that one they will AT LEAST tell you which car to follow so no one can cut in.

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  9. That’s insane that maternity clothes cost that much. Like, what are you supposed to do? Sell them after wearing them for a few months? I’d be cheap about that too!! I’m not pregnant, but I swear I have an overactive bladder or something because I’m almost always having to go to the bathroom and it’s so annoying. I feel ya!

    -Lauren
    http://www.shootingstarsmag.net

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  10. Ahaha fun post…! Yeah, I don’t get that, spending an arm and a leg for maternity clothes/baby clothes… It’s just whyyyy?? Well, not that I’ve had to buy any of that stuff, but I do wonder why some women do?!?! And argh, I’m not pregnant, but dang, I need to pee like every other second too. So efn annoying!! Can I just rant that about the fact that I thought I had a winter coat but actually it doesn’t fit me anymore. Grr. Now I have to go and buy a new one! Waaaahhh

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    • It’s very ridiculous how much maternity and baby clothes cost. You really only get a few days use out of it. And with baby clothes, they can EASILY ruin it. It just makes no sense.
      That always seems to happen to me. You think you’re set for the winter, it gets cold, and when you put your coat on it doesn’t fit right anymore. SO frustrating!

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