Life has most certainly changed since adding “mom” to my resume. I was stressed and tired before I had a child. I am stressed and tired now that I have a child. Lol. My time is completely monopolized by a small human and when I’m not with her I’m working.
I had no intention of taking such a huge step back from the blog world. I don’t feel bad about it or pressure to come back/keep up, but I’m sad that I don’t have much time or energy for this outlet. I’d like to prioritize it more. I’d like to prioritize reading more. My time was not my own for a long time after M arrived. Most of time it’s still not, but we do have a better handle on it. I’m back to work, Maddie has a real bedtime, and she takes naps… so I’ve got a small amount of wiggle room for me time 😉
The balance between being an employee and being a mom is much, much tougher for me. I won’t lie- I thought I’d miss work and long to go back and be absolutely ok with sharing M with sitters/family/daycare. And all of that has been true but it’s not that simple.
I miss my kid. I’m jealous of the snuggles other people get. I’m grateful for the break, but I don’t like being away from her. I feel like I’m halfass-ing the mom thing.
I’m lucky to be back to work on a part time basis; I stay home/hang out with M two days a week. I love that time with her. But I feel like a halfass employee. I hate missing meetings and being out of the loop for a day or two. My emails pile up, I know there are people covering my jobs, I miss the camaraderie of being with my coworkers every day.
So as my title suggests, I can’t find the balance. I think it might be a unicorn kind of thing… I don’t know that one exists. “Balance” is the wrong word. I think it’s more like a formula- and I think it’s something everyone has to tailor to their own needs, wants, desires, & aspirations. And I’m still figuring out what those things are.
Anyway, my goal right now is to get back into the things that makes me happy when I can spare a free moment. Reading, blogging, writing, scrapbooking. Maybe not everything at once, but definitely the former two right now. So here I am blogging- and I’ll be here on Thursday, too.
I’ll see you then 😊