… wearing a bra.
… wearing pants.
… wearing high heels.
… attending a middle school band concert.
… sitting at Table 9 at your third cousin’s wedding reception.
… giving birth.
… stubbing your toe.
… throwing up.
… getting water up your nose.
… buying tampons in front of your dad.
… farting right before someone comes into the room.
… a Pap smear.
… the middle seat of an airplane.
… a pea under 20 mattresses when you’re a princess.
… watching a sex scene in a movie with your parents (or worse, in-laws!).
… texting the wrong person.
… texting the wrong person something ABOUT that person.
… scraping your knuckle on cement while drawing with chalk.
… walking in on someone using the restroom.
… Texas in August.
… trying to parallel park in front of other people and realizing it’s not going to work and having to give up and drive away while everyone watches.
… biting ice cream.
… when a chip stabs you in the roof of your mouth.
Just trying to bring a little humor to something that’s truly life or death. Wear a mask, friends. It’s not forever, but it’s for the good of all. And trust me, there are things much more uncomfortable- namely death & losing a loved one.
Thank you for coming to my snarky tedxtalk.