Have you noticed there’s a sense of pressure to enjoy certain things? I’ve written about this before in regards to summer. Summer stresses me out because you’re supposed to do all the things, soak in all the sunshine, experience all the activities… No. I’m hot, it’s hot, and I’m sweating. Let me sit inside with the a/c and burn winter candles, please&thanks.
Mom Guilt aside, there’s a similar pressure in parenting to enjoy ALL the things.
“Being a mom is the most amazing thing I’ll ever do.”
“Dad life is the best life.”
“There is nothing as rewarding as changing a poo splattered diaper and rocking a screaming kid to sleep while your coffee gets cold and your dog eats your dinner off the counter.”
You get it.
The reality is many parts of parenting aren’t fun or glamorous or rewarding. But you feel like a complete tool for admitting as much since the whole world has dubbed the experience “mAgIcAl.”
We’ve been working through this in our home.
I love sleep and there are occasionally nights when Moo decides she NEEDS held from 1:45am to 3:27am. I am VERY aware that it won’t be like this forever, that the extra snuggling is something I will miss, and that her need for me is natural. But I still effing hate being awake and sitting awkwardly hunched over in that damn glider. I love Moo. These moments are not magical.
I LOVE being M’s mom. I would not trade it in for anything- including my former freer life pre-kids- but I am so much more than a mom. I enjoy things OUTSIDE of being a mom. I require and demand time alone. I love my daughter so damn much. I love spending time with her, teaching her, taking care of her. But I don’t love every moment of motherhood. No one does. And so often I think there’s an unrealistic pressure that parents should.
I don’t have an ah-ha moment, but I wanted to share these thoughts because if you’re currently in the parenting trench of very tough stuff (teething, sleeplessness, infancy, day 5 of no shower), you’re not alone and you are 100% allowed to say to yourself (& other), “This sucks.” You can dislike it.
And that’s my up lifting Mom Minute for you today 😆 Sometimes it sucks and that’s normal.
Tune in next week when I talk about random exorcism-level vomiting and how to remain cool, calm, and collected when you’re covered in spoiled milk.
10 Comments Add yours
NOTHING is wonderful and magical all the time and I don’t understand how anyone can claim it is. Surely there is nobody out there who actually enjoys dealing with a pooh-covered baby or a night of literally no sleep so why pretend you do or expect anyone else to? It obviously annoys me when people *constantly* complain about their kids and never seem to have anything good to say (give them to me then – I’ll happily take care of them!) but talking about the hard times shouldn’t be taboo.
Agreed. There’s a lot of guilt attached to feeling that way, though.
I definitely think the less we complain and the more we look at the bright side the happier we’d be- in parenting, living, breathing- but sometimes at 2am there isn’t a bright side and you need to bitch about it. Ha.
And then they wake up. LOLOLOL. I definitely get what you are saying here. Those days of not sleeping through the night were rough!!! I need sleep and I dont like it being interrupted. At all. While I miss the snuggles and it just being the two of us at 2am and me feeling wanted….I also like sleeping now and seeing her when she wakes up at like 8am. Ha! Motherhood is certainly not all rainbows and butterflies. And just wait til Moo starts talking back to you in your sarcastic, stubborn ass tone. Arguing with mini you is the hardest argument yet!
I like the “Not the best but still good” meme. Hahaha. That’s me.
Man… I wrote this, then caught COVID. We sent M to my parents’ house for 6 days. It was AWFUL. I’m soaking in the 2 am snuggles for now; I’m just happy to have her back. But that will fade, lol. And when Miss Sassy starts forming words I’m seriously in trouble.
Parenting is just crazy with all the social media & all the judgement that people pass so easily anymore.
I think you’re doing an INCREDIBLE JOB… every single day!
I love that you have not lost your identity in being a MOM too… so many people do that & its sad because you are created to be YOU which is so much larger than what a MOM is. Its only makes both – you & being a mom – better – right? 🙂
That’s very true. I’m envious that my parents and their parents didn’t have to deal with the pressures of social media. That said, they didn’t have Google either……….. and I think I’m happy to have the latter more than I hate the former. HA.
Thank you! I think so 🙂
I found myself very frustrated at the martyrdom and fetishizing a lot of moms do around lack of sleep. I couldn’t function for the first year of my son’s life because he never slept for more than 4 hours (no real reason, that’s just him) and when he did sleep, I was too anxious to go to sleep myself.
Also, going places with a baby was very stressful to me. There was always something (him getting carsick, forgetting something, him being off of his schedule) and it was always so much harder than just staying home.
Sleep anxiety is a real thing. I had it BAD in M’s newborn days. It’s not quite as bad any more. She does tend to be a good sleeper, but when she’s in a regression I completely spiral. Ugh.
I find that I stress more about the *prepping* to go out and less about actually being out once I’ve left the house. I just have to get over that hump and do all the schedule-math in my head. Ha.
Okay, I love those memes. I’m not a mom. I’ve definitely babysat and taken care of kids and even that can be rough and not exciting. I think more people should be open about the sucky parts of being a parent. Yes, it’s great, and magical and all that wonderfulness, but it can also be downright awful….like most things in life. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids, but if you pretend everything is wonderful all the time? You’re gonna burn out BADDD. Love your honesty!
Hahaha- the “not the best” meme is my favorite. Man… I hated babysitting when I was younger. I was nervous to even have kids because I truly hated everything about babysitting. Fortunately it’s a different experience once you’re the mom, but there are absolutely still crappy moments. Lol.