At the end of October I started feeling miserable- stuffy nose, sore throat, pressure in my head, & body aches. I assumed sinus infection, but to err on the side of caution I got a COVID test at our county health dept.

Two days later I received a call telling me I was positive for COVID-19.

You know the scene in Monsters Inc. when they called Code 23-19 on the monster?

That’s what it felt like the moment I hung up with the health dept. K whisked Moo away to get tested, then to my parents, & he scheduled a test for himself the following day. He then moved out to the camper to quarantine. I felt awful.

Actually… in that moment I felt fear, disappointment, guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger, resentment, failure, sadness, anxious, overwhelmed, furious, confused, alone, terrified, isolated, etc.

I wear my mask, I avoid inside gatherings, we don’t go out to eat, I didn’t take M to any orchards or pumpkin patches this fall, we often have groceries delivered… Honestly, I felt so betrayed to hear that I was positive for the coronavirus.

Then my mind spiraled… who had I seen recently? Had I been anywhere that I could’ve exposed people? Is K going to get sick? Does Moo’s cough mean she already has it? Will it get worse for her? Will there be long term repercussions for her? For me? Who do we need to call? How did I get it?!

I’m grateful because the worst part for me wasn’t the actual sickness. I was fatigued and achy for 48 hours, but after that it felt like a mild sinus infection; easily treated with some Tylenol. The worst part was being away from M and K. Moms want an hour or an afternoon to themselves- not six freaking days. She was away from me on her first Halloween. I turned off my porch light and sat alone, crying for the holiday we lost.

I sat on the couch and cried after M and K left. For hours.

K quarantined away from the house, but he called several times a day to check on me. I know he was terrified; the stories that people tell about their COVID experiences are heartbreaking. He was so worried my health would take a turn. I feel very fortunate that I never had trouble breathing, a loss of taste/smell, or even a fever. It was a mild case.

A positive test followed by quarantine was mentally taxing. I fretted over K and Moo’s health. I worried about every interaction I’d had in the last two weeks. I wondered how this diagnosis would affect me in the future. I missed my family and drowned in guilt for 6+ days. Turns out I now run out of breath pretty quickly- which didn’t used to happen.

I also cleaned/sanitized the entire house.

We learned that a negative test doesn’t take the place of quarantine. We didn’t understand the specifics of COVID-19 and the non-symptom spreadability. I now cringe when someone says, “I got tested before going to that (party/vacation/etc.).” Turns out that doesn’t matter- you can still be carrying and spreading coronavirus.

A zoom dinner date with my loves.

It’s confusing and we’re all navigating very uncharted waters on an uncharted planet. My experience with COVID has given me more grace for other, appreciation for what I have, and caution for what I do. It was not a positive experience, but it was an educational one.

Please wear a mask. Please stay away from other people. People rethink travel & holiday plans.

12 thoughts on “COVID-19

  1. Bless your heart. I can imagine the mental stakes of it – I know my mom has been exposed to it & has to be quarantined & it freaks me out just going over to take her food. I gear up & leave food in a basket on her porch… I’m with you – all the people that say, “We tested before gathering” – it just shows how much PEOPLE DONT LISTEN. So aggravating. … & this just shows, even when you do things right, it can still get you. That’s how easily this spreads. And yet, people still keep at it like life is normal. …I’m so glad you had a mild case of it, though I know you’ll never shake the feeling of it all. & I’m sorry you have breathlessness… as someone who suffers from that already with my Iron deficiencies, its not fun. It makes you feel so limited. & being a mom of a little one, limited is something you dont have time for.
    Thanks for sharing your story!!! ❤ hugs!!!!

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    1. It was frustrating and emotionally draining. Being reunited with M and K was the best feeling ever, though. And now we’re even MORE careful than we were before. I’m so so grateful that those two (and other members of our family) didn’t contract it from me!

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  2. I am sorry that you got it, but glad you had a mild case. I cant imagine how hard it was to be away from K and M. This is what scares me most, that people who are being diligent and doing what they can by wearing masks and not being part of large gatherings…can still get it.

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    1. Me too. I’m so glad K and M avoided it. We’ve seen people since March and been to some outdoor, socially distanced events but we’ve been very vigilant about our interactions. It was a shock when I tested positive. And now we’re basically hermits because I don’t want those two to go through it.

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  3. I’m glad you had a mild case.
    As you know, we did go away in the summer but case numbers were way lower then (under 200 for the entire country) and we avoided people as much as we could/didn’t go to the one place that made up one third of all cases at the time. If numbers had started to increase again we would definitely have cancelled and now Switzerland has high case numbers again (over 4000 reported today) we obviously won’t be going anywhere. My boss has no idea where he caught it and when he tested positive he was told around 75% of cases in Germany can’t be traced. Scary! Germany is pretty much in lockdown again now but Switzerland isn’t.

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    1. Me too!
      We’ve been to outdoor events but we’ve worn masks and kept our distance. We’ve followed all the rules and guidelines. I was so sad and shocked when I tested positive. But it was mild for me and hopefully with the vaccine we’ll start seeing the numbers go down. I’m ready to safely see people again. Sigh. I’m sure you are, too!

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  4. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. I’m glad the symptoms were mild, but I’m sure the quarantine was really rough – being away from K and M. I’m glad they ended up being okay though. It’s definitely a mental thing as well as a physical thing, I’m sure. And it’s a mental thing for everyone trying NOT to get it and spread it. Sorry you lose breath more easily. I still have residual symptoms from my blood clots earlier this year so I get what you mean.

    -Lauren
    http://www.shootingstarsmag.net

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    1. Worrying about it- both if you have it and if you’re avoiding it- is exhausting. I know we’re all so so so tired this year. I hope 2021 brings some relief and some (mental) relaxation.

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