I am so tired of being angry. The body isn’t made for four years of anger and fear and frustration. I know I am not alone & I know it’s a privilege to just declare that I’m done being angry (I’m not). But dammit… my body and mind are so worn out. And the treasonous morons in the Capitol Building this week stirred up the waters that had since calmed in November.

I have noticed that I spend a lot of time policing my anger. I am gracious and polite to people who would not and do not extend the same courtesy to me. It sucks my energy and my patience, and by the time I get home to my family- the people who matter more to me than anyone or anything in the world- I have nothing left for them. I’m exhausted and short tempered and checked out.

Seems backward to me.

And so I just cannot and will not do it. They will see the judgement on my face when they say something terrible. My absence will be felt where I do not feel comfortable. My friend lists and following tab will diminish. And I don’t feel bad. Because my people get my good and gracious energy- not the world.

I am a dedicated subscriber to “If you can’t say something nice…” and “Kindness is always cool”, but I’m also a pretty big fan of “Take no sh*t.” And so I’m moving forward with a reservation and preservation for self. And I’m teaching M that in addition to telling men where to go when they suggest she “smile more”, she’s also under no obligation ever to stick around when she’s uncomfortable nor grin-and-bear-it when people are being especially cruel and hateful.

I’m tired of being nice.

8 thoughts on “1461+ Days of Anger

  1. I feel you. My patience is about gone these days. I read something this week that said, “I used to walk into a room and worry about people liking me. Now I walk into the room and wonder if I will like these people.” And I think that is the way I am going to live my life from now on. And how I want to raise Zoe.

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    1. I like that saying. I’m frustrated that I’m perpetually irritated, but it’s a forced purge of things and relationships that just don’t bring me joy. So maybe in the end it’s a good thing. Definitely raising M to command the room and kill the b/s.

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  2. I feel this so hard. I post things when I get infuriated about racial injustice & against Trump & I get so attacked by Christians by questioning MY relationship with God – because how can I be a Christian when I support Biden? .. I am with you – tired of being nice. I have deleted people – removed people out of my life – & I’m waiting for my church to have a “talk” with me… & truth is, I HAVE been nice – if I voiced my thoughts & opinions on everything, apparently I’d start a riot… oh wait….

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    1. Ughhhhh. Christianity is NOT a republican sub-group. I can’t stand that train of thought! (And also- Biden is a Christian! An actual practicing Christian! Sheesh!) Being nice and being kind is different. I’m done with being nice for sure. And I’m grateful that we’re ushering in a new administration that will hopefully weed out the hateful hearts.

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  3. I get it. I am lucky that I barely know anyone who disagrees with me on US politics but I have spent the last few years being angry and frustrated about Brexit. Sadly one of the people I know who voted leave is my own sister!

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    1. Verrrrry lucky. Ha.
      It’s heartbreaking and infuriating how we can believe and think so differently than our loved ones. Sigh. It makes coexisting all the more tougher.

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    1. Agreed. And while I know it’s healthy and good to surround yourself with different opinions, I can’t handle the hatred that fuels some trains of thought.

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