I think it might be mutually beneficial to have these monthly or bi-monthly check ins… Changing the calendar didn’t solve the world’s problems (and we knew it wouldn’t), but this year already feels a little more tedious than I expected. I don’t think it’s an entire dumpster fire, but I think the ashes and trash are still smoldering…. so all is not great. Ya know?

Personally, I’m in this weird place where I feel like I’m doing way too much… but that I’m also not doing enough. The other day I requested an application for a court-appointed child caseworker volunteer position. When I was telling K about it he said, “You can do whatever you want, but why do you feel like there’s a hole that needs to be filled with this giant commitment? You already take on so much. Do you need to do this, too?”

I deleted the email with the application.

I am a busy person… When I’m at home I force myself to stay on my feet and clean, organize, pick up, declutter, rearrange, etc. until I’m completely exhausted. I never feel DONE, though. It drives K nuts. And once I sit down on the couch, I pick up my laptop, Kindle, or Switch to entertain myself while watching television.

So right now I’m struggling with knowing that what I’m doing is enough. I mean, on one hand I know that it is… but on the other hand I get a wild hair that says I need to do more.

I’m trying to carry the same grace and forgiveness I had for myself in 2020 into 2021… but it’s a struggle. I think a new year just reminds us how long this insanity has been going on. Sigh. But we’re going to get through it.

Tell me what’s weighing on your mind or heart this month. How has 2021 been shaping up for you? Any major accomplishments we can celebrate? Any areas you’re looking to change your mindset toward? Let’s check in with each other.

15 thoughts on “2021 Check In

  1. I need March 1st to be my New Years so I can get another new start. So far 2021 has been a booger with COVID running through my family & mom being in the hospital for 5 weeks.

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    1. Man oh man. You’ve been in my prayers every night, friend. I’m so sorry COVID is wreaking havoc on your home. I hope your hubby is feeling better and you stay well! And your poor mama! Is she home now?

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  2. I have a friend that always feels like she needs to be doing more and more and more. I hope you can find ways to just relax and be in the moment more. I know I don’t always relax as much as I should. I’ll have the TV on and still be reading something. Like I rarely just turn the brain off. haha Maybe you can think about doing that volunteer application again in the future!

    -Lauren
    http://www.shootingstarsmag.net

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    1. It’s exhausting! I talk in circles about it to my husband and I know it exhausts him, too. I love multitasking with the TV on… I don’t know if I’ll ever break that habit.

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  3. I love that K knows you so well and prevented you from taking on even more, although I love you for wanting to. I’m the exact same way. I feel bad because I feel like I’m always meal prepping or cleaning with her when I should be playing or reading, but it drives me nuts to live in a mess. I’ve always managed to keep a pretty clean house even with M, but ever since we moved to Colorado, I’ve started letting a lot of things go. We have no help and whenever I get a break, I force myself to take a break to read or workout because I know if I don’t fill my own cup, no one else will. Sad but true. I’m terrified of becoming totally burnt out. So we still have a lot of unpacking and organizing to do, and the house is not as tidy as I like and it drives me nuts. But I’ve been reminding myself that no matter how hard I work, there will always be more to do. So I rest.

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    1. For sure…. I think he’s watching my dam spring leaks here and there, and worried that if I add more water it’s just (I’m just) going to break completely. Which is fair. I probably would.
      When I play with M I think about how I could be in the other room accomplishing something and being a good example for her. And when I’m scrambling to do things I think about how I want her to see the value in pure playtime. It’s so crazy.
      Good for you for taking time for yourself. The house will get clean and dirty 100xs over but your mental health needs to be consistent and well for you to be your best for M!

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  4. I think we are all feeling confused about how we are supposed to feel right now! I know I do. Like you, it feels like we have nothing going on, but somehow I feel really busy and frazzled!
    Some thing I have been researching is a Swedish ritual called Fika. (I’m sure you saw Hygge floating around too) It’s the act of taking a break for coffee or a sweet treat all with the purpose of taking a quiet moment. I’m working on that! I feel like I’m on a screen all day…all to end up watching tv in the evenings on another screen, while holding a small screen in my hand, LOL

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    1. Yes. Exactly.

      I like that idea/ritual! When M was taking two naps I tried to make myself tea during her second one, but now she’s down to one so my afternoon tea is with a toddler. Lol. If I even remember. I need to aim for less screen time. I think that’d make me less frazzled, too.

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  5. I think Jan would love it if I forced myself to clean and tidy and organise until it’s done. I’m more the stare at the mess overwhelmed wondering where to start type. Haha.
    So far 2021 has been fine for me… neither particularly terrible nor particularly great. But honestly that’s no different to any other year. January and February ales seem to just disappear with nothing much to show for it. Today was pancake day though and that’s always a reason to be cheerful. You can take me out of England but you’ll never take my Pancake Day 😂

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    1. Oh girl, the mess overwhelms me, too. Sometimes I organize the bookshelf instead of something more productive because it’s more manageable lol.
      M had pancakes for breakfast yesterday in celebration of Fat Tuesday! Lol!

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  6. I am always in a constant state of feeling like I am not doing enough, but doing too much as well. I had a meltdown a few weeks ago about not having the floors cleaned weekly like I have done always. And Chris was like, who cares?? And I was like ME! I cant stand it! And he was like…you are working from home FULL TINME while caring for a kid FULL TIME, cooking and dishes for 3 meals for 3 people every day, working out, meal planning, etc. Who cares if we go two weeks without a deep clean of the entire house. It has been 11 months of never having a moment to myself. Something has got to give. So I am with you, 2021 deserves the same grace as 2020. Maybe more, since we are all a little worse for the wear.

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    1. It’s exhausting. And we’re SUCH strong women. Like, how does the state of a floor break us so easily?! I think we’re just carrying a lot right now. You’re doing great. Chris is 100% right.
      Definitely worse for the wear. And possibly all out of self-grace. Lol. Living in a state of disgrace.

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  7. I have worked really hard to relax and prioritize rest over everything being done. To make myself realize/acknowledge that rest IS doing something, and it is important. It is still a mental struggle sometimes, but I can relate to always doing. It ran me the F down.

    I can’t say I expected better from this year, because I didn’t. I maybe thought it would be easier to navigate through mentally? But it’s not that at all.

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    1. I think I have relaxation and self appreciation at the top of my priority list, and then something throws me completely out of whack again (a baby, a pandemic, a baby in a pandemic lol). I’ve never thought of rest as “doing something” but that’s excellent. I need to change my way of thinking about it.
      I expected this year to get gradually better, I think… But apparently it’s an emphasis on gradual in the eyes of greater beings. Lol

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