October is an introspective month for me. On Sunday I turned 31. Today marks 14 years with Kyle. Most of the time I feel pretty young at heart, but also feel like I’ve collected some worldly knowledge during my 3 decades on Earth.

The first 18 years are essentially spent learning school subjects. In college I learned how to exist in the adult world. I think my 20s taught me how to be a better friend. After M was born, I started working on how to be a better person on the inside. I don’t think we ever stop learning and changing and (hopefully) improving.

Other people’s “happy” won’t make you happy, so figure out what makes you feel good.
Along those same lines, when you know what makes you happy, it’s easier and more rewarding to be genuinely happy for others. The jealousy dissipates.

Actions & words both speak loudly, but they need to aline.
So many things we learn at a young age (“actions speak louder than words”, “lead by example”) are very very true in adulthood. I can say I love or support or understand others, but I need to physically show it, too.

Chance are you treat those closest to you the worst…
This is true for me, at least. Not so much my friends, but K and my mom. Two people who I know- without fail- love me unconditionally… And I push it sometimes. Since I’ve become aware of this, I’ve been trying to change.

I don’t believe that women who are moms are better than women who are not moms, but I believe that becoming a mom- specifically M’s mom- has made me a better person. Or… it’s at least made me want to be a better person. I have to be. I have a little sponge soaking up every single word I say, every reaction I have, every interaction I’m part of. All day long the pressure is on to demonstrate how to be a less-sh*tty human. I’m monitoring my patience, tone, and temper constantly.

It’s tiring, but good for me. I try to apply a patient attitude, soft tone, and controlled temper into all my interactions, not just my time with M. I’m less successful, but I try.

And that’s where I’m at right now… I’m very grateful to celebrate year 31 and I’m the luckiest person to have 14 years with K by my side. Here’s to many many more.

-Audrey