A Dozen Years Under Our Belt

Twelve years and one day ago, K asked me to be his girlfriend. Kind of. It was actually a mutual resolution. Romantic, right? He was a little more romantic when he proposed eight years and one day ago 😉

It’s comical how much has changed since we kicked this off. (Seven years ago I wrote this post about our relationship. Home in on the paragraph about not working well together- hahaha! Thankfully we got over that.)

Over the past 12 years some of my favorite things have blossomed from our relationship. They wouldn’t exist (in my world, at least) if K and I didn’t exist.

Obviously Lylee & Enzo. (And now Bristol.)
We took in Ly four months before the wedding, but it was a joint decision.
Enzo arrived just before our first Christmas as husband & wife. I hate that our time with Lylee was cut short, but I wouldn’t have wanted to share her with anyone but K. Bristol was a family decision, but I don’t think I’d have looked her direction without K’s dog-loving heart guiding our family.

My relationship with K’s family.
I feel like I’ve grown up in K’s family. I’ve known them since I was 16 and they’ve been around for all my major milestones- birthdays, graduations, etc. Because of that, I never feel out of place when I’m with them. I’ve been around for over a decade and watched his cousins and siblings grow their families, too.

K’s relationship with my family.
Likewise, K has known my family just as long. I know it’s tough to let your little girl date- especially when it’s an older boy- but it didn’t take long for the (over)protective men in my life to see what I saw in K. And now he’s so dang engrained in my family I sometimes think they’d pick him over me.

The business.
Not to say that K wouldn’t have started PI without me in his life, but considering he first opened shop in my dad’s truck garage and we’ve had support from my (as well as his) family along the way, I think the journey would’ve looked much different if not for our relationship.

My friendship with Erica.
One of my very best friends & her husband were essentially introduced to me through K. Their kids are our godchildren ♥ I don’t know what I’d have done without her love and support the last 10+ years.

Countless concerts & trips we’ve experienced.
Who knows? Maybe I’d have seen those bands or gone on those vacations without K, but they’d have been such different experiences. I’m grateful for all the things we’ve done together and the memories I have from those together moments.

My personality & confidence.
I met K when I was 15 & we started dating when I was 17. For the most part, there are very few instances where he was a bad influence. I had questionable friends and did questionable things when we started dating, and K wasn’t into that stuff. For the past twelve years he’s been a stable moral compass for me. And on top of that, he has always given me a huge dose of confidence. He supports my decisions and backs my dreams- he believed in me to march an independent drumline and supported me studying abroad in India and encourages me to write down the countless stories that enter my head. Maybe I’d have found a partner like him some day, but the person I am today is largely because I’ve spent the last 12 years by his side.

Last but not least, our future kid.
I always thought I’d have a kid as soon as I got married (especially when I dreamed of a future with K). I won’t lie- I’m glad I didn’t. I’ve enjoyed these past 6+ years as husband and wife. And now I’m so excited to add a perfect little combination of the two of us to the mix. I’m nervous to share our life with a new human- it’s been just US for so long- but I wouldn’t want to grow a family with anyone else.

So that got mushy and gushy but this is our last “anniversary” without a tiny human stealing our attention so I won’t apologize 😉

Thanks for 12 amazing years, Kyle. He’s to 12 dozen more of them ♥

All Kinds of Kinds

I think it’s absolutely amazing how differently wired we all are. Our tolerances, values, weaknesses, strengths… everyone is 100% unique. And even when we relate to one another on a large scale, we still harbor vast differences on small details.

It’s fascinating and empowering and isolating and frustrating- but it’s life. And I believe that life takes all kinds of kinds to work.

My mom has a heart for other people. She is so patient with older folks and weak or sick people. She can both correct and calm a child all at once. (She’s a first grade teacher.) None of those things come naturally to me.

On our recent flight there was a young guy who was drunk as a skunk sitting behind me. He even said so- plus a few f-words. An older women- who had a seat in the “extra leg room aisle”-  whom I only know as Stella, swapped seats with his original seat partner to allow that woman a seat next to her husband. I don’t think Stella knew this guy was drunk before she swapped, but she made conversation with him the whole time and even did a crossword with him. She essentially babysat him. When the flight attendant told Stella that she owed her a drink Stella laughed and said, “Oh I don’t drink.” I later heard her talk about leaving the airport quickly so she could get to church on time. I am convinced Stella IS a saint. All the travelers around this unlikely pair showered Stella in compliments once the flight was over and Drunk Skunk was out of earshot. Again, I don’t have it in me to do that. Not even a little bit.

My compassion runs deep for animals. I have compassion for humans, but it doesn’t come as naturally. And I think that’s ok because it takes all kinds of compassion to make a difference. I will pull my car over every single time to help a lost dog find his or her way home.

Emotions effect us differently, too. I am strongly controlled by fear. Some people can brush it off or enjoy the adrenaline rush, but it paralyses me. That said, panic is not something that affects me strongly. I remain scarily calm in high stress situations (like the car accident I helped with 2 weeks ago). Everyone is different and THANK GOD that we are.

I have 0 tolerance for violence. I can’t watch it. I can’t stand any entertainment to include rape or assault. I used to love Law & Order: SVU but just last week K was telling me about a show he watched and he mentioned a rape scene and I wanted to throw up. I don’t condemn people who watch shows or movies like that because I know there’s more good entertainment then bad, but I don’t have the ability to get through it or enjoy it.

I’ve seen the quotes about not judging other because we don’t know what they’ve been through or what kind of day they’re having or what lies below the tip of their iceberg. And I completely agree with that.
But it’s important to remember that we all process and handle our situations differently. We experience the exact same event differently than the person standing next to us. We process different amounts & different feelings, and we’re affected in completely different ways. And that’s so amazing, but also a tough lesson to remember.

It’s an important lesson, though. And I think it also helps us to accept ourselves (and our loved ones) in a clearer light. We don’t have to love, like, care about, etc. what everyone else does. And we can be affected different by our emotions (fear, sadness, anger, disappointment) and know that there is nothing wrong with us.

It takes all kinds of kinds to navigate and survive this world. And your kind is just the right kind.

The Downside to Working With Your Spouse

If you’re new here, you need the basic knowledge that I work with/for my husband. He started a company 7+ years ago and I started full-time about 2.5 years ago.

And now you’re all caught up.

When I made the decision to leave my former job and join K, we had so many people doubt us. More than half of our friends and family has something negative or apprehensive to say. I don’t blame them- working with your spouse can be r.o.u.g.h.

Honestly, 88% of the time I love it. It’s a situation that works for us. We try to talk about work things at work and home things at home, but sometimes the worlds mesh. But I like that, too. (Not always, of course.) Also, our job duties rarely overlap so we’re kind of in our own little worlds all day with the option to pop in and visit one another or go to lunch together. Yeah, K is my boss, but he’s mostly hands off unless I’m totally lost or floundering. (Is “hands off” a cheeky phrase to use when talking about your husband as your boss? Lol.)

We like our jobs and love the company, but I’m a realist and I don’t edit out the sh*t moments so today I’m here to be 100% up front with you and rant about share the downsides to working with your spouse.

I’m not complaining; I’m being honest. And these things apply to us because K owns the company. I know it’d be different if we were both employees.

1. The guilt is real when it comes to taking time off. There are minimal people who work in the office so inevitably, when one of us is gone, the others have to pick up the slack. I know the self care mantra and the “you have sick days available-use them!” mindset is healthy, but it doesn’t exist without guilt when you’re sitting at home and your spouse is possibly picking up your slack. (At least for me.)

I have already had a break down over maternity leave. I want it, and I know it’s important, but we’re going to be going through a huge transition around that time and it KILLS me that I’ll be at home “doing nothing.” (I know I’m not doing nothing and K has told me time and time again how important my role at home will be during those weeks.) I just hate that I’m not helping the company. AND I want K to enjoy some paternity leave too with our little one. Honestly, this is something we’re still figuring out.

2. Do you ever get frustrated with your boss? Or, if you’re a supervisor, do you ever get annoyed with an employee? When that individual is your romantic partner it can make for a stressful dinner later that night.

We rarely get completely pissed at one another, but that’s because of good communication, quick forgiveness, and the willingness to compartmentalize OR just let things go. We don’t let things go very easily, so if we have a work problem we try to solve it before the end of the work day.

Sometimes a post-work detour to Target to cool down is just what the doctor ordered.

3. It’s very strange to carry the exact same stress as your spouse. We both carry similar personal stress, household stress, family stress, financial stress, AND work stress. It’s tough to vent or talk it out when you’re both already feeling the pressure.

4. That’s not to say we don’t have individual stress. It kills me that I can’t help when K is so stressed out and upset over a situation that is beyond my control/department. And at the same time, when someone pisses me off at work I know it frustrates him that he can’t step in and solve the problem because it’s not a situation that calls for the boss to get involved. There are plenty of nights we both lay awake thinking about job stress that neither one of us can help the other with.

5. Obviously we’re together a lot. We work and live and sleep and vacation next to one another. Two things have come from this. First of all, neither one of us feels guilty when we go do something on our own. He does a guys lunch with some of the men in my family on Saturdays. I love my alone time on weekends. I go to dinner with friends or visit my brother in Columbus and K stays home to decompress or get some work done. We’re both fine with independent actives in our free time. But secondly, we also recognize that time we’re together has to be allotted for the activity. Working together isn’t “quality time” together. It’s work. We still enjoy date nights and breakfast on the weekends and lounging on the couch together.


I know I’m fortunate to work with K. I know some couples spend a few hours together at night and that’s it or they work opposite shifts. Honestly, once we have a kid I think it’ll be nice to have some time where it’s just “us” again at work. But today I’m just airing all the little issues that still arise in our unique situation.

And of course I didn’t cover them all. My relationship with K is obviously different than every other employee here. And I’m sure our marital relationship has been changed and affected by our working situation. But digging into all that is too much for this post. Lol

I’m not even sure this was interesting, but it’s a peek at my life and some food for thought if you’ve ever imagined yourself working closely with a romantic partner. (I know a few of y’all DO work with your spouse.) Is working with your husband or wife (or girl/boyfriend) something you’d ever want to do?

Chats With K

We had some of these conversations months ago but it was before baby was public news 😉

K: That’s a good hospital but it’s kind of far away for taking care of the dogs.
Me: We’ll work that out before hand and have a sitter on call.
K: But for me to go home at night.
Me: …Ha. No. You’re at the hospital with me. You sleep on the couch or chair in the room.
K: WHAT? What if my back hurt?
Me: Your chiropractor is in the area. It’ll be perfect.
K *grumbles*: But I won’t be allow to leave the prison to go.
Me: The next 18 years are a prison, baby. 

A few months later he tried this one…

K: What hotels are close to the hospital?
Me: Why does that matter?
K: So I have some place to sleep.
Me: You do- in the room on the couch.
K: Maybe you could let me sleep in your bed.
Me: Keep this up and you won’t even be around 💀


Me: So are we gonna go maternity pictures or newborn-
K: I can’t focus on that right now.
Me: What? Why?
K: because I’m about to Night Rider right over this truck. 

Me: No you’re not. 


Me: I’m so nervous.
K: You don’t have any control over it.
Me: You need to practice your empathy.
K: *says nicely* You don’t have any control over it.
Me: Saying it nicer isn’t empathy. 


Me: I even scrubbed the stove today!
K: Look at you! You Maria Canoodle-d that stove!
Me: …what?
K: Those cooked-on stains and charred foods didn’t bring you joy and you got rid of them.
Me: Wow. Marie Kondo and that’s not exactly how it works.

If our kid gets his wit and humor I will never run out of conversations to share. Lol

Chats with K

Thank you for all the baby love, friends ❤️ You guys are seriously the greatest people I’ve never met 😊

Today I have a bunch of chats with K that I never got around to sharing!

Me: Shoot! Did we miss Jeopardy?
K: Nope. I’d say you’re about 70 years early.

I paused Dirt and got up to let the dogs out. K picked up my book (Daisy Jones) to mock me for reading 2 or 3 minute at a time when I can (like when he lets the dogs out).
Me: You’re so funny.
K *pauses because he’s actually reading a small part*: We’re watching a movie about sex and drugs and music… and you’re reading a book about sex and drugs and music.
Me: Yeah, it reminded me that I wanted to watch this movie.

*walks into K’s office* Me: Have you seen the news?
K: About the thing in France that’s on fire?
Me: “The thing in France“? THAT’S NOTRE DAME, KYLE!
He’s not really one for international landmarks.

Me: I figured cereal would help my heartburn because of the milk but I think the cereal part makes it worse.
K: Want me to take one for the team? I’ll eat the Fruity Pebbles and you can have the leftover mi- No, I don’t want to give up the best part.
Me: Literally any other cereal milk, Kyle. Not that gross crap.
K: The sugary cereal makes the best milk- Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Frosted Flakes, Cheerios.
Me: …Cheerios don’t have sugar.
K: Yes they do, when you eat them correctly.

Me: While we’re in Phoenix would you rather drive to the Grand Canyon for the day or take a train ride through the desert canyons?
K: Ehh… I’ve seen Back to the Future. I know how train rides through the desert go. Somewhere out there there’s a bridge that isn’t finished and I don’t want to come across it.
Me: …are you kidding me?

Me: How do I look?
K: Different…
Me: That’s not a compliment. “Different” and “bad” are not good answers.
K: You don’t look bad………. you just look like you stole your wardrobe from the cast of Little Women.
Me: Still. Not. A. Compliment.

Such a way with words, lol.