I rarely blog about religion, but it’s been very heavy on my heart lately. I attend a church that is hurting & I feel like I have done everything I can to help heal, but the resistance in my church is very strong and I feel nothing but anger and distance when I walk through the doors on Sunday mornings.
I’ve prayed many time about my predicament- by feeling so distant from my church I know I am suffering in my relationship with God. Monday night, after our monthly church council meeting, I sat in my car and prayed about the conflict in my heart. Afterward I felt the need to ask Siri (on my iPhone) for a random Bible verse. This is what a got:
“And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.” Isaiah 30:21
Well dang. Sometimes God is a subtle man and sometimes He’s not. I’d say He was fairly straight forward with me Monday night.
To be less vague, our church is comprised of very few millennial. Actually, there’s only a handful of folks under the age of 60. Some people see this as a problem and some do not. To attract a younger crowd there needs to be some change and, again, some people see this as a problem and some people do not.
The real problems lies within my own heart. I grew up in this church… but I am one of two left from my “generation.” I don’t feel fellowship, I don’t feel closer to God, I don’t feel anything. Sundays were once my favorite day but now they’re a bummer.
Over the last 5 years there has been a mass exodus from our church, so leaving wouldn’t be unheard of… but for a long time it was unthinkable for me. (Our family is deeply rooted in my church.) Now I just don’t know.
I’d like to blame someone, but there’s no one to blame. My anger has no target and that makes me even more frustrated. I know that K gets nothing from our church services and we’ve discussed the lack of child/youth opportunities that will one day strongly effect us.
“I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.” 1 Corinthians 1:10
I feel like I’m not united in mind and thought with anyone right now. I’m craving fellowship and growth and just not finding it. Obviously I will continue to pray about it, but beyond that I am stuck. I’m not looking for resolution with this post; I just needed an outlet.
We all struggle with ourselves and our faith and our community- this is just a struggle that God will led me through. I have faith.
-Louise
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