Goodbye 2020!

I know we’re supposed to hate 2020, but if I’m being honest it was a relatively ok (dare I say good?) year for me… Compared to 2019, I would do 2020 again in a heartbeat. 2019 chewed us up and spit us out. Then stepped on us and lit us on fire.

I know that 2020 was an awful year for many many people, though. I don’t discredit that and if you’re someone who suffered terribly these past 12 months please know I’m thinking about you and praying for you. I, too, am looking forward to hopefully never having another year like that again.

But as I said, 2020 wasn’t the worst year I’ve had. We got to spend SO much time with Moo. We got to hog her for holidays and witness so many milestones. We had a forced slow down with work (through which we tried so hard to maintain and take care of employees) and we didn’t travel one single place after March. After years of professional go-go-going, it was weird. And it was eye opening. And it’s helped us to prioritize a little more going forward.

We are lucky that our family has been mostly healthy and safe. A few of us have had COVID, but we haven’t had any loss in our family and I am so grateful for this. My heart breaks for those who’ve had a year marked by death.

I still haven’t convinced K to get me a kitten. We bought a camper. We cancelled countless trips. We fought over whose mask was whose. We survived sleep regressions and teething. We had groceries delivered and quiet holidays. We had a slow year that I very ironically wished for at the end of 2019.

So here’s the normal pic recap…

New Years! | Finished nursery | Baby Moo | Fender Bender | Fly to TX | Moo at the Alamo | K drumming | Swiss relative visit | Pandemic yoga w/ best friends
Lots of family walks | Baby Moo | Easter | First taste of cereal | Green beans fail | Hike w/ Bristol | Anniversary pic | Kayla’s Matron of Honor! | Off to buy a new truck
Aub engaged! | Cousin graduates | Family cookout | First Moo swim | M actually likes food | K takes up cooking | Moo 6 months! | Lots of front porch time | K’s 1st Father’s Day
Bike trailer for M | Zoo | 4th of July | 1st camping trip | Bought a camper | Family front porch time | 1st time in our camper | Family fun | F&C buy a house
Purple hair | Fall | Kayla’s dress!| Social Distance get-together | Baby Cooper | Bday hike | Halloween | COVID | Corvette pics
Big girl! | Friday’s with AJ | Outdoor hangs | Thanksgiving | 12 month pics | Moo’s 1st Bday! | Xmas tree | Merry Christmas! | Christmas morning

It was a weird year, but looking back it seems we made the most of it. Here’s to 2021 being better than its predecessor. Honestly… it shouldn’t be tough.

Hopefully you find some bright spots when looking back on your year, too!

COVID-19

At the end of October I started feeling miserable- stuffy nose, sore throat, pressure in my head, & body aches. I assumed sinus infection, but to err on the side of caution I got a COVID test at our county health dept.

Two days later I received a call telling me I was positive for COVID-19.

You know the scene in Monsters Inc. when they called Code 23-19 on the monster?

That’s what it felt like the moment I hung up with the health dept. K whisked Moo away to get tested, then to my parents, & he scheduled a test for himself the following day. He then moved out to the camper to quarantine. I felt awful.

Actually… in that moment I felt fear, disappointment, guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger, resentment, failure, sadness, anxious, overwhelmed, furious, confused, alone, terrified, isolated, etc.

I wear my mask, I avoid inside gatherings, we don’t go out to eat, I didn’t take M to any orchards or pumpkin patches this fall, we often have groceries delivered… Honestly, I felt so betrayed to hear that I was positive for the coronavirus.

Then my mind spiraled… who had I seen recently? Had I been anywhere that I could’ve exposed people? Is K going to get sick? Does Moo’s cough mean she already has it? Will it get worse for her? Will there be long term repercussions for her? For me? Who do we need to call? How did I get it?!

I’m grateful because the worst part for me wasn’t the actual sickness. I was fatigued and achy for 48 hours, but after that it felt like a mild sinus infection; easily treated with some Tylenol. The worst part was being away from M and K. Moms want an hour or an afternoon to themselves- not six freaking days. She was away from me on her first Halloween. I turned off my porch light and sat alone, crying for the holiday we lost.

I sat on the couch and cried after M and K left. For hours.

K quarantined away from the house, but he called several times a day to check on me. I know he was terrified; the stories that people tell about their COVID experiences are heartbreaking. He was so worried my health would take a turn. I feel very fortunate that I never had trouble breathing, a loss of taste/smell, or even a fever. It was a mild case.

A positive test followed by quarantine was mentally taxing. I fretted over K and Moo’s health. I worried about every interaction I’d had in the last two weeks. I wondered how this diagnosis would affect me in the future. I missed my family and drowned in guilt for 6+ days. Turns out I now run out of breath pretty quickly- which didn’t used to happen.

I also cleaned/sanitized the entire house.

We learned that a negative test doesn’t take the place of quarantine. We didn’t understand the specifics of COVID-19 and the non-symptom spreadability. I now cringe when someone says, “I got tested before going to that (party/vacation/etc.).” Turns out that doesn’t matter- you can still be carrying and spreading coronavirus.

A zoom dinner date with my loves.

It’s confusing and we’re all navigating very uncharted waters on an uncharted planet. My experience with COVID has given me more grace for other, appreciation for what I have, and caution for what I do. It was not a positive experience, but it was an educational one.

Please wear a mask. Please stay away from other people. People rethink travel & holiday plans.

Q2 Goals

At the beginning of January I announced my Q1 Goals. Who knew the world would lose its mind and my life (& everyone else’s) would be completely flipped upside-down…

But, alas, here we are. The world must go on and so must my goals- mostly for the sake of my isolated sanity.

The first quarter of 2020 has been… well… this:

But I managed to cross off a few goals!

  • Figure out work schedule after maternity leave is over.
    I had this figured out until the world went to sh*t.
  • Travel to Texas (twice) & figure out summer vacation.
    We had to cancel the 2nd trip (#becauseCorona) and LOL on summer vacation.
  • Start an exercise plan once dr says ok.
  • Unbox and sort out pre-pregnancy clothes.
  • Get M on some kind of daily schedule 
    Best WIN of them all! Mainly because we’re stuck at home & I could work on this.

We plan on making that second Texas trip in September. Fingers crossed. It was for a family wedding. The couple still got hitched in their living room while live-streaming it for the rest of us. Very unique and badass, ha.
No exercise plan. I could blame the virus but… it’s me. I have been doing a few yoga classes, though. My studio is offering them for free online ❤

Okay, on to the next quarter

Q2 Goals

  • Photograph & post nursery
  • Summer trip (har har har)
  • Pay off one credit card/no spending on it
  • Move scrapbooking supplies to the basement
  • No fast food
  • Start an exercise plan

And there we have it! Linking up with Kristen for What’s New With You? today!

My Resolution | 2020

Happy Thursday ♥ I skipped book day with Steph & Jana because I haven’t finish any books lately (surprise, surprise) but I’m showing up today. I listed some goals for 2020 a few weeks ago but I have a resolution to share, too.

My New Year’s resolution isn’t just for the year… it’s for the decade and (hopefully) forever. This isn’t a “new year, new me” kind of thing… It’s a “how can I nurture my mental health and fully enjoy life in this season and seasons to come” kind of thing.

So what is it?

I want to live in the present and fully enjoy (or at least experience) my time right now.

The season of life I’m in right now is tough & tiring, slow-paced with subtle achievements. It’s easy to miss or overlook or dismiss little victories & developments. It’s easy to wish for longer sleeps at night & more mobile and active baby days.

The thing is… those future days are going to happen. M is going to grow up and start talking and moving and sleeping etc. And when they happen, I can enjoy them for what they are. These days- the 2am cuddles and itty bitty onesies and first smiles & coos & babbles- are only going to happen right now. To reference 50% of country songs and 100% of seasoned parent advice, it won’t be like this for long.

So no more wishing the days away. No more “I can’t wait until … .” No more looking ahead to the next chapter while moving blindly through my current one. That’s not to say I can’t be excited about days to come. I will look forward to the future, but not with tunnel vision.

What am I hoping to achieve with this resolution? What changes do I hope to make?

Mindfulness (which is the root of living in and experiencing the moment) leads to decreased anxiety and depression. I’m hoping to experience more frequent and natural joy.

I hope to improve upon my patience. Less getting frustrated about things. Less getting frustrated with K or Bristol or M or myself. (Enzo very, very rarely frustrates me.)

I want to acknowledge and practice gratitude. When I’m home I want to be grateful for the time I spend with my family. When I’m at work I want to be grateful for a job I love. When I’m working out I want to be grateful for the ability and time. Et cetera.

I really do love my life. I feel incredibly blessed to have the family & friends and comfort and opportunities that I do. I never want to take my reality for granted. And I hope my resolution helps me to fall in love with my life, over and over.

I’ve shared my resolution with K. I’ve told him I want to cut the phrase “I can’t wait until/for…” from my vocabulary. I’m hoping he holds me accountable to this mentality and practice. (This is me giving you permission to call me out, dear.) I know I can’t be joyful or patient or grateful ALL the time… but I can certainly be those things more often than I am right now.

So here’s to living for today, patiently looking forward to tomorrow, and experiencing every moment as it happens, while it’s happening.

2020: The Roaring Twenties

Does anyone else find it weird that we can call this new decade the twenties?

Welcome to the New Year!

2019 was a rough effing year. I am so excited to jump into 2020. Between parenthood and work and life in general, 2020 truly feels like a brand new chapter.

Don’t get me wrong- I am exhausted. We are not kicking this decade off with much sleep or sanity. That said, I’d like to kick the decade off with some goals. I have some for the entire year as well as the first quarter.

I’m joining Kristen today for the What’s New With You? link up.

2020 Goals

Read 20 books. I set a goal of 40 last year and read 28. We’re going to be a little more realistic this year.

Reduce debt by at least 50%. In years past I’ve been very general with my debt goals. This time we’re assigning a number.

Move my body. I need to find a workout/routine that I enjoy. Once I’m cleared by my doctor I’m leaning toward a barre/yoga/hot yoga route.

And that’s it since we’ll be mainly focused on keeping M happy & healthy. Now on to some shorter-term goals…

Q1 Goals

  • Figure out work schedule after maternity leave is over.
  • Travel to Texas (twice) & figure out summer vacation.
  • Start an exercise plan once dr says ok.
  • Unbox and sort out pre-pregnancy clothes.
  • Get M on some kind of daily schedule (i.e. consistent bedtime/mornings)

Five seems like a good number for now. Advice for flying with a 2 month old is welcome. Haha. What are your 2020 resolutions?