What’s New With Me

Most of my blog topic ideas come to me when I’m rocking M to sleep and I can’t jot them down.

Last week I missed SUYB day (because I haven’t finished a book yet this year) & then just said the heck with it and skipped Thursday, too. I have a freelance writing job on the side now and much of my free time and creative juices have been going to that.

I thought I might just share what’s new in my world.

Bristol is starting obedience classes next month and I am pumped. She is incredible when she wants to be & terrible when she doesn’t… It’s at 8pm on Mondays, though, so send prayers & coffee. We’re both ready to be on the couch at that hour.

We’re starting to plan a few things for 2021 and it makes me so excited. Thank Jesus we bought a camper! We’re headed to a few races this year and camping at the tracks. The tracks are having limited spectators and it’s all outside. We’ll bring our own food & drink and sleep in our own beds. It’s as safe as it can be.

We’re also (fingers crossed) planning a low key trip with my family & maybe a girls’ trip later this year. Plus both of my bffs are getting married this year. Yes, the pandemic is still a thing and I am 100% about following the guidelines- but 2021 can’t hold me down. We’ve got lives to (safely) live.

Moo has started walking. She’s also started throwing tantrums. I’m amazed at how she’s becoming more of her own little person each and every day. She’s amazing (and temperamental like her mother…). Her love for her daddy & the dogs makes me melt every freaking day.

We don’t qualify for the vaccine yet in our house but I am SO grateful that some of my friends and family have been able to get it or get on a waiting list. I’m excited for tomorrow. I’m hoping a new year and a new administration can hit reset on some of the stresses we’ve been carrying. No single person can fix or change the entire system, but I’m praying the US is moving in a better, more unified direction.

At the end of 2020 K and I jumped on the Dave Ramsey train and then jumped off (lol). I like his method but I don’t love his madness. We’re cracking down on financial goals and hopefully moving in a healthier direction with money.

Beyond all that, I can’t think of anything else to share. I started and finished Bridgerton- which was the perfect little escape. I’ve been diligently working on my island on Animal Crossing (hahaha). About 30% of our Christmas decorations still need taken down. And Enzo is still perfection except for his stank-breath (& he steals K’s seat every time he gets up, lol).

What’s something mundane but new in your world?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Does anyone read blogs on the holidays? In my experience, no. LOL

But here I am anyway. I believe this was created by Leslie at Once Upon a Time and Happily Ever After but both Rebecca Jo & Tanya have posted it, too.

Will you watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade? Football? Movies?

We’ll probably watch the parade- or at least have it on. I think M will enjoy the colors and music if she even notices the TV is on. And then the dog show; all three children will like that.

Who does the cooking? Fix anything ahead of time?

In years past we’ve had lunch at my grandparents (it’s ordered in from a family style restaurant) and dinner at K’s grandparents (made by his grandma and his uncle).
This year we’re dining with my mom and dad (food ordered in + a pie from me) and then with K’s mom and dad (food made by his mom + mashed potatoes from me).

What time do you eat the big meal?

We have two. (Yes, it’s as filling as it sounds.) One at noon, another around 4 or 5p. OOF.

Do you set a formal table or keep things casual? Place cards? Kids table?

Very casual. Sometimes my grandma puts the younger folks in the dining room but the youngest kid is 13 so… there’s no true kid’s table.
Place cards were attempted at K’s grandparents house once and it did NOT go over well. Lol

Is the food place on the table or served buffet style?

Buffet style all around.

Ham or turkey? What’s for dessert?

Ham is ew. Turkey (skin) 4ever. Dessert is the norm- pumpkin pie & pecan pie. This year there will be coconut creme pie and a cookie dough tart (made by me).

Does your family have a thanksgiving tradition?

Hmm. Not really. Some years my dad and I go to breakfast. Not this year 😔

Yay or nay to leftovers? Favorite leftover recipe?

No one EVER sends us home with leftovers! I’d take ’em!

What will everyone wear? Dress up or comfy?

I prefer to look nice on the holidays. Most people wear jeans and a nice sweater or something a little more casual.

For what are you most thankful this year?

Moo, K, & the pups. Family. Our health and safety. The ample togetherness we’ve experienced this year. New leadership. Sustaining work. Privilege and luck in navigating the pandemic. God’s love & grace.


Have a Happy Thanksgiving, my friends! I hope you’re safe, healthy, and full of deliciousness.

I Was Scared to Become a MOM

When I found out I was pregnant I had a major identity crisis. I feared becoming a single label: “mom.” It seemed like that mom life would be the only life I’d get to live.

I was so upset by that. I didn’t want to lose myself or sacrifice the person I was. I didn’t want to be so consumed with my daughter that I was no longer the wife / friend / employee / person I was before…

And that fear caused a problem. It took a while to enjoy my pregnancy. I wanted to be pregnant, but I didn’t know how to connect with what was happening. I adjust to new people and new experiences slowly. It felt weird and distant. M was born and the weirdness didn’t instantly go away- although it changed.

After sorting out my ppd and taking care of my health, I had the realization that M was mine. Everything she did and all her care was my job- I didn’t have to seek approval or validation for my actions from anyone (in tandem with K, of course). And that didn’t scare me at all- I started feeling more comfortable referring to her as my daughter.

Truthfully, I’ve only just starting thinking of myself as a mom. Maybe Mother’s Day helped a little? I resisted the all-consuming title for a long time… even though I was, by definition, A MOM. I admire other moms, I wanted to have a kid from the start, I look up to so many amazing mothers out there. It’s not the fear of being old or having that soccer-mom-mini van-driving,-lob haircut-vibe…….. it’s just the uncomfortableness of a new and limiting name.

When I announced I was pregnant the MOM CLUB showed up in full force and I felt like such a phony. People offered me clothes, toys, meals, advice, their kitchen sinks, etc. It felt weird… It felt fake to be accepted just because I was now “one of them.” I truthfully hated the idea of it… but secretly loved the support and help.

(I realize now that being a parent is tough and the so-called MOM CLUB is actually just women who have been there/done that/are still in trenches who want to help someone else that’s wandered into this war zone of untold horrors and blessings. Lol.)

A lovely blog friend shared with me that she felt very distant from her pregnancy, too, and only connected with her daughter once she was born. Another blog friend told me that the “instabond” moms have with their babies is sometimes a myth and for good reason. It makes SENSE that getting to know your baby and bonding would take time. They are a person after all- someone with their own wants and needs and likes and dislikes and personality and feelings. It’s a relationship that takes a little time.

M is five months old now and I love love love being her mom. Having a child didn’t make me love kids. I’ve never been a big kid person. But now that I’ve gotten to know my baby I am sure that I was meant to be her mother. No regrets, no hesitation, no second thoughts. I live for the day she calls me “mom.”

And life was unclear at first with a new human in the mix. Our days and priorities have changed accordingly… but I’ve found that deep down, I haven’t. I might be a little more distracted and usually covered in spit up, but I have a good relationship with my husband, I try to support and love my friends as much as I always have, and I still enjoy and excel at my job- although I work less days and sometimes long to be home with M when I’m in my office. I read a little less but I’m still a reader. I blog a little less but I’m still a blogger. I’m still a type-a perfectionist but things are a little more lax around here. I’m still me. I’m just a mom, too. And I think I had to go through that stage of insecurity to fully and gratefully accept this role.

This feels like a raw confession of sorts. I’ve never not loved M… I just didn’t know how to serve her and stay true to me. And I feel happy that we’ve figured this out a.k.a. I’ve realized the joy and fulfillment I have in being HER mom.

It’s tough to struggle with your identity. Whether it’s a job or a hobby or a label… it’s weird and uncomfortable to be sorted into a category by default. I feel lucky that I’ve ended up enjoying this new role. I’m embarrassed by how much I doubted myself, but thankful for those who built me up and helped me transition into motherhood. I don’t take the people in my corner for granted and I will teach M how important “our people” are- not least of all her incredible dad.

If you’re struggling with something big, reach out for help. Someone to talk to, an outlet to share your frustrations, prescribed medication to stabilize your mental health. It’s important. Your quality of life matters- don’t dismiss it when something feels wrong. ♥

Currently…

Happy Birthday to my baby brother (tomorrow)!

Linking up with Kristen for What’s New With You?.

Here’s what I’ve been up to…

Reading… The Great Train Robbery (Crichton), A Heart So Fierce and Broken (Kemmerer), & A Dangerous Engagement (Weaver)

Watching… The Voice is a staple in our house. Although it’s weird watching live performances in the contestants’ living rooms. I’ve also been watching a lot of Mickey & the Roadsters, Mina Royal Detective, & Puppy Dog Pals. LOL

Listening to… my country playlists. They always get me jazzed up for summer.

Eating… lots of home cooked meals from K! He’s taken an interest in cooking and he has made some incredibly delicious dinners!

Drinking… lots of coffee. And I’ve been having an afternoon San Pellegrino. We have Blood Orange and Lemon. Aubrey got me hooked on these while we were visiting her in Tampa!

Wondering… what the country will look like in a month. Or two. Or six. It will be a different world, I think.

Praying… for family members that are battling health issues & trying to stay safe from this virus, blog friends who are going through rough times, and also patience, wisdom, & strength when it comes to raising M.

Planning… not much. Haha. Hopefully a trip to Dallas in September for a wedding reception, a trip to Florida to see Aubrey & Meg, and an October trip to celebrate my 30th.

Protecting… Enzo from Bristol the Pistol. She has so much energy since we’re stuck at home. She is always in the mood the wrestle. He is NOT. Lol

Playing… Animal Crossing: New Horizons on my Switch! (Does anyone else play??) Also playing online boardgames with my mom and brother nightly.

Looking forward to… leaving the house 😉 Trips to Target, meals in restaurants, coffee dates with friends, playdates at the park, family dinners… Some day, some day.


What’s currently going on in your life?

When It’s All Over…

I’ve seen it a thousand places a thousand times… There is no “back to normal” because we’re all going to come out of this pandemic completely changed. I definitely agree with that sentiment.

Kezzie came up with these post-isolation questions and Bev shared her answers the other day. I decided to play along because a) it looks fun and b) I’ve got nothing better to share after 3 weeks of doing nothing. Lol

1) Restaurant you would go out to…
The Dennison Yard, JNG, The Daily Grind… all local and delicious places ♥

2) Friend you would meet up with first…
My best friend’s girlfriend hasn’t met M yet and before this whole thing happened they had plans to fly up here from Florida so…. as soon as this is over I think they’re flying up to stay with us!

3) Place you would go…
Probably Target. Let’s be real.

4) Shop you would go to…
Target… Marshalls… HomeGoods… Although surprisingly I’m not dying to go because my bank account is pretty pleased with this isolation.

5) Food item you would buy/eat…
We’ve been able to get what we need but I’m looking forward to getting some steak and vegetables and beer, and having a cookout and bon fire with my family!

6) Cake you would eat…
I haven’t stopped eating cake 😬

7) Show you would/will go to see…
I’m dying to go to the movies. We’ve never been huge movie-goers but I want to get out and see something good. I might look for a play or two to attend, too! We actually have a performance center in our backyard- lol.

8) Concert you will go to watch…
We have no tickets on hand right now but there’s a summer country concert series at a nearby outdoor venue and I think we’re going to be getting ourselves some tix since I have a new appreciation for nights OUT.

9) Relative you will hug first…
My grandparents. K’s grandparents. No question.

10) Holiday you would go on…
We’re headed to Dallas in September to celebrate the wedding we had to miss in March. I’m also hoping for a trip in October for my 30th bday!

11) Other activity you would take part in…
I already have a haircut/coloring booked. I’m going to text my masseuse today to request an appointment once she’s back in business. I also want to take M to the park and the poor restless pups to daycare to play. And WORK.

M has 6 month pictures at the start of June. And we have some summer parties that we’re excited to go to!

12) Thing you would do at work…
Ahhhhh- I can’t wait to go back to my office and desk and work and coworkers. I miss going to work SO much. We have SO much to ship since all our customers (schools) shutdown before we closed the warehouse.

13) Item you would buy…
Truthfully, I don’t need to buy anything I can’t get now. That said, we’re going to need some baby gates soon. And baby proofing items. And a mop. LOL

Thank you for the questionnaire, Kezzie!

What are you all most looking forward to post-isolation?

(And happy birthday to my wonderful sister-in-law Lori!)