Chats with K

Before we dive into our conversations… today is my parents’ 30th wedding anniversary! ❤︎ So I want to devote a paragraph or two to them real quick…

My parents are wonderful odd balls. (My brother and I got it honest.) My teenage years gave them (esp. my mom) a run for their money sanity, but as an adult I spend so much time with them. Mom and I still bicker sometimes & Dad and I shout over politics, but through the years I’ve learned so much about marriage and life from them. Honesty, forgiveness, understanding, and humor are the key ingredients to a happy relationship.

Bonnie & Clyde trying to steal the getaway-car thunder four years ago at our wedding…

So Happy THIRTIETH Anniversary to the animal-loving, garden-growing, child-raising, country-living parents that I’ve grown up loving and admiring. Fred and I are better people and better spouses because of you two. Thanks for everything! ❤︎

And now… a collection of random, weird conversations with the husband… 🙂

Me: You know… when I’m calm, I imagine these smooth-yet-wavy purple lines running through my body, carrying my calm energy to every limb. But right now I’m filled with these spiky hot pink and orange wiry balls just pulsing all throughout my insides because I’m so freakin’ anxious about all the things we have going on!
K: …your head is one f*cked up place to be, isn’t it?

In preparation for my garage sale…
Me: I’m pretty much done collecting stuff, but I wanted to ask if you had any shoes you wanted to get rid of.
K: No.
Me: …what about the ones in your office that you said you didn’t want.
*K glares at me.*
Me: So what you mean is ‘Yes, but I don’t want to take the time to look and weed them out.’

We’d been waiting almost two weeks for an important call…
K: Alright, Miss Cleo. You think they’re going to call today? What’re they going to say?
Me: Oh, Kyle. I don’t have that kind of foresight. I can’t predict when or how you’ll die, but I can predict that you’ll die.
K: Not me. I’ve hidden horcruxes everywhere. You’ll never get rid of me.
Me: …I so appreciate that reference, honey. But also I know two of them are the corvette and Lylee.

K was letting the dogs out and called me to the back patio.
K: This is either the biggest maggot I’ve ever seen or it’s the fattest, shortest worm.
Me: That’s a slug, dear.

Chats with K and more…

First order of business: Happy Birthday, Mom!
Secondly: K is my husband.

My mom called me but the call dropped almost immediately. Then she called back.
Me: Hello again.
Mom: Where ARE you??!
Me: Mom… you’re the one who dropped the call.
Mom: I know. I just wondered where you are.

. . .

While watching the Super Bowl in overtime.
Me: What the heck. Falcons had this. I don’t like Tom Brady. He’s a poophead.
K: A poophead, eh? That’s harsh.

. . .

Me: Self-pity doesn’t look good on you.
K: Everything looks good on me. Except sweaters.

. . .

K’s grandparents dropped off some candy at the office for us.
K: Do you have any Valentine’s Day candy left?
Me: …yes. What are you in the market for?
K: I’ll trade you these Skittles for something.
Me: You know I don’t eat Skittles.
*K gets up and starts to walk over.*
Me: Hey! Sit back down. You don’t get to raid my inventory.

. . .

Me: Alright, we’ve got to figure out lunch because I’m dying.
K: I’m not hungry yet.
Me: Fine. I’ll just get myself food. Maybe a bento box from Katana.
K: Get me a Hollywood roll.
Me: At this rate why don’t we just go eat there?!
K: I’m still full from my McDonald’s.
Me: AND THE TRUTH COMES OUT. No wonder you’re not hungry. You’ve been holding out on me.

. . .

Me: What would you do if I died?
K: Right now?
Me: Yes.
K: Probably drive you to a hospital.
Me: ….okay. I mean long term.
K: Oh. I don’t know.

. . .

We were sitting with a financial advisor discussing IRAs and K’s overall worth due to the business. The advisor stepped out of the office to get something and left us alone.
K (quietly): I’m worth more to you alive than dead.
Me: That’s true. For now…

. . .

I made a cleaning list to keep myself accountable. But then K saw it and decided to initial next to the chores he had completed.

And to be clear, by initialing next to “Load/Unload Dish Washer” he literally put his dinner plate in the rack. That’s it.

. . .

I’m glad we get each other’s somewhat dark humor. Ha.

Chats with K

If this is your first time ever coming to my blog then you should know that K is my husband.

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. . .

K: So… when do you think your bangs are going to grow out again?
*I slowly turn my head and glare at him*
K: …….asking for a friend.

. . .

Pillow talk…
Me: I’m going to get my brother a Foot Cardigan subscription for Christmas.
K *lightly punches my pillow*: You’re a jerk! I wanted that!
Me: Kyle… I can get more than one person a subscription.
K: Yeah but you won’t. You love him more than me.
*turns over in bed and pouts*

For the record, they both got a subscription.

. . .

I get a text from K while we’re both at work…
K: What’s your Amazon Prime login?
*I tell him and 10 minutes go by…*
Then I receive an email notification that my purchase has been confirmed:

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“Sequin Candy Cane Black Suit Jacket”

. . .

K: I feel like this reminds me of you:

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Me: Ha! Yeah… I saw a meme the other day that said, “Wife goes out for milk and comes home with a puppy. Husband says, ‘I thought you were going for milk!’ Then the wife says ….” I forget how it ends.
K: That was so terrible.

. . .

Life’s an adventure with this guy… ha.

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Chats with K (Roadtrip Edition)

If this is your very first time ever coming to my blog then you should know that K is my husband.

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During lunch at Boardwalk on the Beach.
K *slides car keys to me*: My beer is 10% alcohol…
Me: Well I just ordered moonshine so… it appears we’ll be shopping a little longer.

. . .

As we’re leaving the hotel for the day…
Me: Got a room key?
K: Yeah.
Me: Car key?
K: Yeah.
Me: Phone?
K: Yes, dear. Anything else?
Me: …got your wallet?
K: Yes.
Me: Then I think we’re all good!

. . .

We were discussing a 2017 wedding in which we’re helping with the canine attendant.
Me: This is like your dream wedding, Mr. Anti-Social! You can avoid all the guests because you’re bringing a dog to the wedding!
K: I always bring a dog to weddings.
Me: You are not funny.

. . .

I would bet that this man has NEVER made cookie dough.
I guarantee this smart-aleck has never made cookie dough in his life.

. . .

During the Halloween party.
Party guest: Do you guys have some drinks or liquor?
My brother: I have never known this house not to have alcohol in it.*

*Taken as a compliment, yo.

. . .

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Sometimes we make big decisions together. Sometimes he talks to my dad.

. . .

Never a dull moment, guys…

Happy Hump Day!

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Chats with K + other conversations

If this is your very first time ever coming to my blog then you should know that K is my husband.

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. . .

I had an eye doctor appointment recently and I decided not to wear mascara that morning so he’d have a clear canvas to exam. Halfway through the exam he told me I needed to open my eyes wider because my eyelashes were so long 😀 I don’t think he necessarily meant it as a compliment, but I took it as such!

. . .

K was in the shower and I was bringing him a pair of shorts from the laundry room.
Me: Hey, my mom brought us donuts but they messed yours up- it’s chocolate frosting instead of maple.
K *sticks head out of curtain & has a shampoo mohawk*: That’s unacceptable.
Me: …I can’t take you seriously.

. . .

K: I need you to keep the house stocked with some things at all times.
Me: Um… What?
K: Oreos.
Me: I thought you were going to start eating better.
K: Yeah, plus Oreos.

. . .

Via text – K was home for lunch & I was at work.
Me: Pull the chicken out of the freezer so it’ll thaw for dinner.
K: Why chicken? I thought we were having hello giggles for dinner.
Me: We are. And it’s HelloFresh. And the chicken is part of it.

. . .

K texted and asked me when I’d be home from my hair appointment:

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. . .

The show K was watching ended and the production co. ads started playing for the movie on next
K: Alright, time for bed.
Me: Nah, sit down here and watch whatever movie this is so I can read a bit.
*I take the remote and hit “INFO”*
K: No, I don’t want to- *reads ‘Smokey and the Bandit’ * – DAMMIT.
Me: See you in a few hours!

. . .

Sometimes we go to local open houses on Sunday afternoons- just because we like to.
K: Why are you bringing your purse in?
Me: Because I have pig-tails in my hair today and I thought a purse would make me look more like an adult.
K: ….you have a Batman pin on your purse.

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