RBG

On Monday night I watched the CNN airing of RBG. And since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it or her. Without knowing much about her, I already had massive respect for Justice Ginsburg. Now, having a little background on her life, I’m just blown away by the determination, strength, convictions, and steady persistence of one petite, intelligent, and shy woman. Simply blown away.

I want to note that I have plenty to learn on the matter. There are books about RBG that I’d like to read, information and dissents from cases that she’s argued and presided over, backgrounds on the men and woman that she’s served along side with on the highest court in the land… but for right now, I have immediate takeaways from the film.

I urge you to watch it, even if you disagree with Ruth’s political position.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I come from an environment that does not share some (most) of my beliefs. I rarely engage in political conversation anymore because I’m always outnumbered. We don’t vote for the same people and we don’t see social, economical, or judicial issues in the same light.  I have learned to just walk away, though I’m still often outraged and upset. (K and I see eye to eye on 80% of things; I’m not talking about him.)

“You can disagree without being disagreeable.” -RBG

I have been explosive on issues that I’m especially passionate about. My natural response and tone is snarky. Snark doesn’t make you any friends, nor does it break down walls, catch flies, or welcome people to your table.

While there IS a time and place to be disagreeable (like when staring down the KKK or Neo-nazis or separating infants from their parents), it’s not at the dinner table surrounding by people who love you. So I’m trying to adjust my ways of arguing.

“Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.” -RBG

Additionally, I am quick to write others off when they seem totally against my views. Granted, I can’t control others or how they speak to me and argue their point. That’s a variable that will play a role in how I react- but that variable isn’t on me and isn’t a reflection of me.

“Fight for things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.” -RBG

(I’ve found that I benefit greatly from Justice Ginsburg’s advice.)

It takes time to unravel the biases we’ve developed. While I know some people really do have hate in their hearts, I know most people do not. The idea of privilege or inequality or discrimination in any sense of the words seem preposterous to some people- and it takes a minute to convince them to remove those rose colored glasses. We have to trade in our pride for compassion.

“I think daughters can change the perception of their fathers.” -RBG

I do, too.

*I hadn’t planned to rant at the end, but I read some opinion pieces about this film/RBG, written by right-leaning journalists. Some attacked her physical appearance. Some go after her for her quiet nature. I even saw some that criticize her for her “traditional” decisions of marrying a man, following him for his job at one point, and raising children- not much of a progressive with those kinds of behaviors, they said. (They fail to mention that she raised those kids, took care of her sick husband, AND attended law school surrounded by men and sexist professors.) Under the articles were the same type of people commenting & bitching about women being justices in the first place- our gender not being suited for such professions. Having been reminded that these backward, outdated, unintelligent opinions exist in 2018, I’m even more astonished by RBG’s drive and perseverance and success. If you don’t believe that men and women are equal then it’s time to stop reading this blog.

I turned off comments because I’d rather you spend that time watching the movie 🙂

Love, Kindness, and a Little PRIDE

I had a different post scheduled for today but when something emotional happens to you and you’re a writer/blogger, you write about it. This weekend I went to my first Pride.

There is some bad bad bad stuff happening in our world country right now. It makes me physically sick to think about and read about and keep up with. The amount of goodness and love and support and joy that I witnessed on Saturday has renewed my hope and fire and energy. I’m an introvert and I was fully expecting Pride to wipe me out and exhaust me, but it did the opposite. Strangers shouting HAPPY PRIDE to one another, bright colors and countless corporations, politicians, villages, and small businesses sharing their love and support for the LGBTQ+ community, and having my friends around me (even in the +90 degree heat) was exhilarating.

It floors me that marriage is only recently legal. Love was outlawed and persecuted and HATED up until a mere THREE years ago. What the actual hell? One of my very best friends is gay and it kills me that for so long her love was illegal. Guys, she is a FIERCE love-giver. When she is on your side she is on. your. side. And for so long this country wasn’t on her side. I feel so damn overjoyed and grateful to have celebrated her love on Saturday. Pride was the most beautiful, freeing celebration of love. It was awesome.

I witnessed some off the wall stuff on Saturday. Topless women, a drag show, some incredibly colorful outfits. It was nuts, but nuts in the absolute best way. Everyone was happy. Everyone was kind. Everyone cheered for and supported everyone.

Actually, that’s a lie. For a moment, almost directly across the parade from us was a man in an anti-GAY shirt with a megaphone. I have no idea what hate he was spewing because a girl with a large bass drum kept following him around, making noise every time his pie-hole opened. It was glorious and I think she might’ve been a superhero. Eventually he gave up and left.

I want to note that I grew up and live in a conservative small town. Big cities intimidate me and diversity is not something that runs wild in my neck of the woods. I love my town, but how I wish I could bring all the color and love from Pride back home and educate the handful of fearful folks. Someday opinions will change, but to do that we must all embrace and love as strongly and fully as the LGBTQ+ community does. You don’t have to be a negative product of your environment- you can have a positive influence on that environment instead.

I’m turning comments off today. I don’t think much more needs to be said on this topic. The world is filled with hate and you won’t find any of that here today. Take care of yourselves, friends. And take good care of others ❤

No thank you.

I had a post planned for today, but I don’t feel like writing it. I don’t feel like doing much, actually.

Just so my Muslim, gay, lesbian, Jewish, black, Asian, female, male, and any other race/religion/gender friends know: Tr*mp’s America isn’t my America, and you will always be loved and respected and welcome in my life and in my house.

I don’t know how to comprehend this.

No comments today.

-A

I am a Woman & That’s OK

There are a million veins pumping blood and life into the issue of women’s rights but I’m going to try to touch on a small cube from the tip of the iceberg. Recent events such as the election and the Olympics have stirred the pot for me but the idea of it being “ok” that I’m a girl has always been something I’ve consciously thought about. a.k.a. Not apologizing for the fact that I’m female.

A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a young girl and she was openly asking me question after question about getting her period for the first time. Essentially, I reassured her that when she gets her period it’s going to be 100% normal and it’s nothing she should be embarrassed about. Frankly, it took me a long time to realize that myself. I was the kid who hid my face while bra shopping or buried the pads underneath the cereal boxes at the grocery store. Being a kid was hard enough but adding all that girl stuff on top of it?? Mortifying.

BUT WHY?

Why the hell are girls taught to be embarrassed about being “on our period.” Um. Hello. Thanks to that 5 or 6 day step in our cycle the female body is cleansed and prepped FOR EVERYONE IN THE WORLD TO BE BORN. So, essentially, you’re welcome. (Yes, Tr*mp, we do have blood coming out of who knows where. Your mother did, too, so she was able to birth your pathetic ass.) #SorryImNotSorry, but I’m not embarrassed to menstruate. I’m not embarrassed to say it (or type it). And if my face breaks out or my mood shift a little bit during that week (because of hormones which everyone has) I don’t feel the need to apologize because why the hell would I? I don’t answer to anyone as far as what mood I’m allowed to be in.

deal with it

So there’s that. But let’s take it a step further.

Did you catch the Olympic drama? (No, not the phony robbery story.) The part where people made a big deal out of the media focusing on the men that medal-winning female athletes are married to/coached by or “owe it all to.” Here’s my two cents: Being married to a man or being coached by a man is fine and dandy. Giving them a nod is fine and dandy. Being defined as so-and-so’s wife/daughter/friend is not fine and dandy. SAY HER NAME. SAY HER SPORT. MAKE HER THE HEADLINE. We work for our accomplishments and we own our accomplishments. When you boil it down, these women won their medals because of who they are- not because of anyone else. This is the story/tweet I’m specifically talking about.

Heaven forbid a woman (especially a married one) have her own identity.

(Am I blowing it out of proportion? I don’t think so. Men typically don’t have to deal with this shit. Why do we?)

We don’t owe it to anyone. No one permits me to do anything. I have double X chromosomes and that’s fine. I’m equal. Use our freaking names.

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And another thing. A few days ago on the radio I was listening to a deejay rag on someone for taking his wife’s name. They he invited people to call in. A large majority said that women should just take the man’s name and get over it. (LOLOLOL seeing red right now.) <- I hope you felt the sass in that sentence.

I took my husband’s name. I didn’t have a problem with it. But if I’d wanted to keep mine then I’d have f-ing kept it. Because I have the right to do what I want with what I have. Get off our ovaries and you deal with it, DeeJay Dickhead.

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I specifically sought out Sloan Sabbith gifs because she’s a feminist goddess and I love her.

Do not treat me as less of a human. Do not pay me less. Do not talk down to me. Why is this a hard concept?

So there’s where I stand on the whole matter. Menstruation, ovulation, vagina, ovaries, breasts, etc. are not taboo words. Every single person on this earth came from a woman so have some respect and treat us like equals and say our f-ing name.

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Thoughts on Recent Events…

I try very hard to be compassionate and forgiving. I try so hard to extend grace and love, especially to those who don’t deserve it. As a Christian, I truly believe that God wants me to love everyone.

But some people fill me with hate and disgust. I hate violence- I don’t watch violent movies, I can’t stand MMA fighting, and I will never understand abuse. I hate stealing- if it doesn’t belong to you then don’t freaking touch it. It’s that simple. I consider assault- specifically sexual assault- to be a nasty combination of violence and theft. (There may be triggers in this post; just a warning.)

Now riddle me this, Batman. Why the hell do we find it ok to blame women after they’ve been attacked and sexually assaulted? Why is there a debate? Why don’t we, as a united community, demand justice when a woman is left half naked in an alley, beaten and bloody and raped. Why do we skeptically ask, “Was she drinking?” or “What was she wearing?”, instead of grabbing our pitchforks and torches and hunting down the piece of trash that attacked her? To me, this is a very black and white situation.

Have you read the letter from the Stanford warrior to her rapist? You should. Have you read the remarks from the rapist’s father? The rapist got 6 months in prison- 3 if he behaves. The survivor gets to spend the rest of her life piecing together what happened to her. Did you read what his father said? “His life will never be the one that he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life.” Oh. So now we define ‘rape’ as “20 minutes of action”? No wonder his p.o.s. son thought raping a woman was ok. They can both go to hell.

ONE IN FIVE WOMEN ARE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED IN COLLEGE. Sexual assault ranges from unwanted kissing to rape. Only 11% of women reported actual forced oral sex or rape [source]. That “only” was sarcasm. And these numbers are just the women who report it. It makes me to sick to think that I am lucky that I wasn’t sexually assaulted.
Let me write that again: I am lucky that I wasn’t sexually assaulted during my 3 and a half years at college. What the hell. How is that an accurate sentence?

Based on this statistic, if K and I ever have a daughter and she decides to go to college I am essentially sending her to a place where she has a 20% chance of being sexually assaulted.

I made a mistake and read some of the comments on these links. People pointing out how they were both drunk and it was consensual so the slut is just looking for someone to blame. If that’s your take on it then go to hell fine, but the last time I had consensual sex my partner didn’t RUN away and leave me behind a dumpster naked and covered in dirt and blood.

I’m irate. And I’m sorry this post is so angry and raw. But THIS IS THE WORLD WE’RE LIVING IN RIGHT NOW, GUYS. This has to stop. We have to change this. We have to raise confident, respectful daughters. We have to raise confident, respectful sons. We have to believe and understand that “no” is enough- that SILENCE is enough. We have to stop making excuses. This has to stop. My children and their children- sons and daughters- will not live in fear.

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