feminism – Life as Louise

RBG

September 6, 2018September 5, 2018Audrey

On Monday night I watched the CNN airing of RBG. And since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it or her. Without knowing much about her, I already had massive respect for Justice Ginsburg. Now, having a little background on her life, I’m just blown away by the determination, strength, convictions, and steady persistence of one petite, intelligent, and shy woman. Simply blown away.

I want to note that I have plenty to learn on the matter. There are books about RBG that I’d like to read, information and dissents from cases that she’s argued and presided over, backgrounds on the men and woman that she’s served along side with on the highest court in the land… but for right now, I have immediate takeaways from the film.

I urge you to watch it, even if you disagree with Ruth’s political position.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I come from an environment that does not share some (most) of my beliefs. I rarely engage in political conversation anymore because I’m always outnumbered. We don’t vote for the same people and we don’t see social, economical, or judicial issues in the same light. I have learned to just walk away, though I’m still often outraged and upset. (K and I see eye to eye on 80% of things; I’m not talking about him.)

“You can disagree without being disagreeable.” -RBG

I have been explosive on issues that I’m especially passionate about. My natural response and tone is snarky. Snark doesn’t make you any friends, nor does it break down walls, catch flies, or welcome people to your table.

While there IS a time and place to be disagreeable (like when staring down the KKK or Neo-nazis or separating infants from their parents), it’s not at the dinner table surrounding by people who love you. So I’m trying to adjust my ways of arguing.

“Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.” -RBG

Additionally, I am quick to write others off when they seem totally against my views. Granted, I can’t control others or how they speak to me and argue their point. That’s a variable that will play a role in how I react- but that variable isn’t on me and isn’t a reflection of me.

“Fight for things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.” -RBG

(I’ve found that I benefit greatly from Justice Ginsburg’s advice.)

It takes time to unravel the biases we’ve developed. While I know some people really do have hate in their hearts, I know most people do not. The idea of privilege or inequality or discrimination in any sense of the words seem preposterous to some people- and it takes a minute to convince them to remove those rose colored glasses. We have to trade in our pride for compassion.

“I think daughters can change the perception of their fathers.” -RBG

I do, too.

*I hadn’t planned to rant at the end, but I read some opinion pieces about this film/RBG, written by right-leaning journalists. Some attacked her physical appearance. Some go after her for her quiet nature. I even saw some that criticize her for her “traditional” decisions of marrying a man, following him for his job at one point, and raising children- not much of a progressive with those kinds of behaviors, they said. (They fail to mention that she raised those kids, took care of her sick husband, AND attended law school surrounded by men and sexist professors.) Under the articles were the same type of people commenting & bitching about women being justices in the first place- our gender not being suited for such professions. Having been reminded that these backward, outdated, unintelligent opinions exist in 2018, I’m even more astonished by RBG’s drive and perseverance and success. If you don’t believe that men and women are equal then it’s time to stop reading this blog.

I turned off comments because I’d rather you spend that time watching the movie 🙂

I am a strong independent female, but I don’t…

October 24, 2017October 24, 2017Audrey36 Comments

…mow the yard, whack the weeds, or edge the driveway.
I’ll admit that 95% of the housework falls on me. As such, I don’t know how to mow and I never want to learn. That way, I never get stuck with that chore, too. 😉

…change my oil.
Let me just say that I know how to change my oil, but my dad is a truck driver, my husband is a car guy, and we have two Valvoline places in town. I’d sooner pay someone.

…grill.
Nope- grill nights are mama’s night off from cookin’!

…drink beer.
Only because I don’t like beer. If nothing’s available I’ll down a Bud Light.

…mess with wiring or tech stuff.
I can absolutely hook up a DVD player or plug in a computer, but I typically just ask K to tackle it when he’s home.

…hunt.
Lots of “country girls” in my neck of the woods hunt. I do not. I haven’t a problem with the cold/forest and I’m a pretty good shot, but I don’t have any desire to snuff out a life. When my dad started taking my brother hunting he offered to bring me and I declined. Fortunately, neither one of them really hunts anymore.

…hang pictures or artwork or shelves on the wall.
I live with a visual perfectionist and I’m not willing to take the flak if I fail to hang a picture perfectly straight. I’ll hang stuff in my own office, but not around the house. I do direct and approve of all the stuff that goes up on the walls, though. I’m awesome at over-seeing.

…use power tools.
Technically I play around with drills and sanders when I’m waiting around the warehouse, but I don’t actually do any projects with them. I’ve never need to, so I don’t.

…have control of the TV remote.
If we’re watching TV together, K usually picks what we’re watching. If I’m not on board, I pick up a book or go watch one of my shows on hulu in a different room. Now that we have two cable boxes in the house, I can technically just go watch something else (or he can).

*This is all in fun. I don’t think strong independent fearless females need to do any of these things to keep their card. Or you can do all these things. Whatever floats your boat. 😉

Catty Women & Aggressive Men

November 7, 2016January 23, 2017Audrey24 Comments

Recently I’ve noticed that it irritates the hell outta me when women say, “I don’t really like to hang around other women. All my friends are guys. I like to hang with the men.” I used to say these kinds of things myself. (I bet I still do sometimes…) And maybe you’re a female and a large percentage of your friends really are men- that’s not what actually irritates me. To me, this attitude/mentality, in and of itself, is what propels the societal norm of girl-on-girl sabotage/jealous/hate. Like it’s somehow better to strictly be friends with men. Like women are an inferior species to spend your time with.

I have always had a mixed group of friends. I am comfortable talking with men and women about life, politics, relationships, cooking, homemaking, sports, etc. I love my guy friends dearly and it feels good to get a little muddy and be a little crude and kick back with a beer…… but sometimes I’m surrounded by women when I’m doing that! And the last time person I discussed cooking and cookbooks with was a male. I would be lost without both sexes.

I was in a small, fairly unfamiliar group last week that consisted of one man and three women (self-included). After the two women expressed their preference in male companionship because “women are just so catty”, the man asked why that was. As in, ‘Why are women (considered) catty?’

(I was picking up a serious feminist vibe from this dude & totally loving it.)

I think both women answered, “I don’t know. They just are.”

The man then shared a story about how he was at a school reunion and conversing with 8 or 10 other men. He said the guys kept talking over one another and no one was really listen to what the other had to say- essential they were all competing for the spotlight. He’d found it unenjoyable and decided to bow out of the group. (I believe he was trying to make the point that sometimes ‘hanging with the dudes’ is unfulfilling and miserable.)

Instead of jumping into the conversation I just took mental notes and rehashed to whole think to K later that evening. #typical

So here’s the thing- I don’t believe that all women are catty. And I don’t think all men are aggressive. Do we have the ability to be catty/aggressive? Yes, absolutely. Do those traits define some people? You betcha. But I refuse to loop all women into the “catty” category. How screwy is it to avoid fraternizing with a certain gender/sex/race/religion because they’re all considered to be *(insert negative adjective here)*. I mean, I know it happens but to me that’s narrow-minded and wrong. But essentially, when we say, “I prefer guy-friends”, we’re saying that associating with women is beneath us and uninteresting. (WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE WE ARE WOMEN!)

./rant

I don’t care what goes on below your waist- if you’re kind & we jive well & we have common interests, let’s talk! I don’t care about football or The Real Housewives of Antarctica, but let’s talk about NASCAR and politics and This Is Us. Girl or guy, let’s hang out. Let’s accept and lift up those that are different and the same as us. We’re not in competition, guys. We’re all in this together.

. . .

I am a Woman & That’s OK

August 24, 2016August 24, 2016Audrey42 Comments

There are a million veins pumping blood and life into the issue of women’s rights but I’m going to try to touch on a small cube from the tip of the iceberg. Recent events such as the election and the Olympics have stirred the pot for me but the idea of it being “ok” that I’m a girl has always been something I’ve consciously thought about. a.k.a. Not apologizing for the fact that I’m female.

A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with a young girl and she was openly asking me question after question about getting her period for the first time. Essentially, I reassured her that when she gets her period it’s going to be 100% normal and it’s nothing she should be embarrassed about. Frankly, it took me a long time to realize that myself. I was the kid who hid my face while bra shopping or buried the pads underneath the cereal boxes at the grocery store. Being a kid was hard enough but adding all that girl stuff on top of it?? Mortifying.

BUT WHY?

Why the hell are girls taught to be embarrassed about being “on our period.” Um. Hello. Thanks to that 5 or 6 day step in our cycle the female body is cleansed and prepped FOR EVERYONE IN THE WORLD TO BE BORN. So, essentially, you’re welcome. (Yes, Tr*mp, we do have blood coming out of who knows where. Your mother did, too, so she was able to birth your pathetic ass.) #SorryImNotSorry, but I’m not embarrassed to menstruate. I’m not embarrassed to say it (or type it). And if my face breaks out or my mood shift a little bit during that week (because of hormones which everyone has) I don’t feel the need to apologize because why the hell would I? I don’t answer to anyone as far as what mood I’m allowed to be in.

So there’s that. But let’s take it a step further.

Did you catch the Olympic drama? (No, not the phony robbery story.) The part where people made a big deal out of the media focusing on the men that medal-winning female athletes are married to/coached by or “owe it all to.” Here’s my two cents: Being married to a man or being coached by a man is fine and dandy. Giving them a nod is fine and dandy. Being defined as so-and-so’s wife/daughter/friend is not fine and dandy. SAY HER NAME. SAY HER SPORT. MAKE HER THE HEADLINE. We work for our accomplishments and we own our accomplishments. When you boil it down, these women won their medals because of who they are- not because of anyone else. This is the story/tweet I’m specifically talking about.

Heaven forbid a woman (especially a married one) have her own identity.

(Am I blowing it out of proportion? I don’t think so. Men typically don’t have to deal with this shit. Why do we?)

We don’t owe it to anyone. No one permits me to do anything. I have double X chromosomes and that’s fine. I’m equal. Use our freaking names.

And another thing. A few days ago on the radio I was listening to a deejay rag on someone for taking his wife’s name. They he invited people to call in. A large majority said that women should just take the man’s name and get over it. (LOLOLOL seeing red right now.) <- I hope you felt the sass in that sentence.

I took my husband’s name. I didn’t have a problem with it. But if I’d wanted to keep mine then I’d have f-ing kept it. Because I have the right to do what I want with what I have. Get off our ovaries and you deal with it, DeeJay Dickhead.

sloan 1 — I specifically sought out Sloan Sabbith gifs because she’s a feminist goddess and I love her.

Do not treat me as less of a human. Do not pay me less. Do not talk down to me. Why is this a hard concept?

So there’s where I stand on the whole matter. Menstruation, ovulation, vagina, ovaries, breasts, etc. are not taboo words. Every single person on this earth came from a woman so have some respect and treat us like equals and say our f-ing name.

Thoughts on Recent Events…

June 8, 2016June 8, 2016Audrey34 Comments

I try very hard to be compassionate and forgiving. I try so hard to extend grace and love, especially to those who don’t deserve it. As a Christian, I truly believe that God wants me to love everyone.

But some people fill me with hate and disgust. I hate violence- I don’t watch violent movies, I can’t stand MMA fighting, and I will never understand abuse. I hate stealing- if it doesn’t belong to you then don’t freaking touch it. It’s that simple. I consider assault- specifically sexual assault- to be a nasty combination of violence and theft. (There may be triggers in this post; just a warning.)

Now riddle me this, Batman. Why the hell do we find it ok to blame women after they’ve been attacked and sexually assaulted? Why is there a debate? Why don’t we, as a united community, demand justice when a woman is left half naked in an alley, beaten and bloody and raped. Why do we skeptically ask, “Was she drinking?” or “What was she wearing?”, instead of grabbing our pitchforks and torches and hunting down the piece of trash that attacked her? To me, this is a very black and white situation.

Have you read the letter from the Stanford warrior to her rapist? You should. Have you read the remarks from the rapist’s father? The rapist got 6 months in prison- 3 if he behaves. The survivor gets to spend the rest of her life piecing together what happened to her. Did you read what his father said? “His life will never be the one that he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life.” Oh. So now we define ‘rape’ as “20 minutes of action”? No wonder his p.o.s. son thought raping a woman was ok. They can both go to hell.

ONE IN FIVE WOMEN ARE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED IN COLLEGE. Sexual assault ranges from unwanted kissing to rape. Only 11% of women reported actual forced oral sex or rape [source]. That “only” was sarcasm. And these numbers are just the women who report it. It makes me to sick to think that I am lucky that I wasn’t sexually assaulted.
Let me write that again: I am lucky that I wasn’t sexually assaulted during my 3 and a half years at college. What the hell. How is that an accurate sentence?

Based on this statistic, if K and I ever have a daughter and she decides to go to college I am essentially sending her to a place where she has a 20% chance of being sexually assaulted.

I made a mistake and read some of the comments on these links. People pointing out how they were both drunk and it was consensual so the slut is just looking for someone to blame. If that’s your take on it then ~~go to hell~~ fine, but the last time I had consensual sex my partner didn’t RUN away and leave me behind a dumpster naked and covered in dirt and blood.

I’m irate. And I’m sorry this post is so angry and raw. But THIS IS THE WORLD WE’RE LIVING IN RIGHT NOW, GUYS. This has to stop. We have to change this. We have to raise confident, respectful daughters. We have to raise confident, respectful sons. We have to believe and understand that “no” is enough- that SILENCE is enough. We have to stop making excuses. This has to stop. My children and their children- sons and daughters- will not live in fear.

Help Wanted and Friday Favorites

March 18, 2016October 4, 2016Audrey11 Comments

Guys… We have a lot to cover today. But first and foremost: Happy Friday!!
Did you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day yesterday? With the exception of wearing some green, I did not. I also have no plans for my weekend. And I’m totally OK with all of that.

Before we getting into my favorites for the week, I need some help/advice from all the runners out there!
(I’m looking at you Rebecca Jo, Emily, & Karen!)

This week I started jogging/walking short distances. I’ve been very consistent since Monday. I try to stay on my toes (is that right?) and so far my muscles are aching, but I’ve managed to avoid the shin splint that always wreck my routine. Also, I usually take a dog or two on my jogs with me. I made a running resolution at the beginning of the year and I’m finally working on it- so please please throw any advice or suggestions my way! I need it!

Ok… on to my favorite things:

If you’ve spent any time here in this space with me then you might know that I’m a mildly political person. (Holla’ Ohio for shutting down the hate train! #nevertrump) That said, this site is updated regularly and really helps track what’s going on! It’s not bias and it’s really informational!

This week I learned that Amy Schumer is releasing a book just in time for my birthday! Yay! You can pre-order it now!

Did you guys hear the one about the penguin that swam a few thousand miles? It sounds like a joke, but it’s definitely not ❤︎ I love this little penguin and I love this human and I don’t throw the word “love” around all that often so I really mean it. I need a fox in my life that comes back to visit me. Actually, I rescued a baby owl once (his name was Seymour); maybe he’ll return to me one day…

It wouldn’t be a favorites post without a little blogger love!

Lindsay wrote this post about smiling (it’s not what you think)… and then Kelly left this video in the comments section (warning – foul language):

And I’m just loving every bit of that 🙂

What are your weekend plans? On Monday I will be sharing my Spring Cleaning to-do list!

Thankful Fridays

November 13, 2015November 13, 2015Audrey8 Comments

In case you missed it on Monday I went a little off script and listed the things that I believe are important for our next president to address/believe. This is a blog for everyone and I’m not asking anyone to agree with me, but sometimes I just need to throw that stuff out. I hope we’re all still friends 🙂

Today I am thankful for two parents that encouraged me- and continue to encourage me- to think for myself and make well-educated decisions based on research and personal convictions. If we started throwing around labels I would say that my parents lean a little republican and I might be a smidge liberal . I mean, my dad actually threatened me one Christmas with an NRA membership. (For the record, I am not a member.) There are many things we agree about but there are also a TON of topics we end up debating at the dinner table.

I’m so thankful to have parents that not only allow me to speak my mind and disagree, but also ask me what I think about certain topics and enjoy debating the rights and wrongs of issues. Has it ever gotten heated? Yes. Does it usually stay fairly civil? Usually, yes. I was once talking with a friend who said that her dad got mad if she expressed any opinions that challenged his own. I just couldn’t wrap my head around that…

So today I’m thankful that my mom and dad allow me have a big mouth. It’s gotten me in trouble and I’ve had to eat my own foot in the past, but I feel good about forming my own opinions and having that confidence. (Thanks, Mom & Dad.)

Also, Happy Birthday tomorrow to the best dad a girl could ask for! You keep hauling coal and I’ll keep fighting for the polar bears 😉

-Louise

Thankful Thursday on From Bisons to Buckeyes