A Grateful Heart

I’m not trying to kick a limp cactus here, but 2020 has been a weird year.

It feels like my insides are a big ball of tangled yarn that just keeps getting bigger & messier. Pretty much like this:

I’m struggling with isolation, social and civil unrest, interpersonal problems, parenting hurdles… but at the same time I’m trying to find serenity and routine and contentment. As K put it last night, “Your [my] brain is not a fun place to be right now.”

But sometimes I can straighten out a squiggly line or two with a little gratitude. So that’s what we’re doing today.

This week I am grateful for:

My husband. Forever and always. That guy is always in my corner and I know how special that is. I am so grateful for his love and trust and loyalty. M is one lucky girl to have a dad like him.

My small town. Every time I go to a large city I feel grateful to live in a small town. Roadside ice cream stands, town square car shows, a lively and beautiful park. It feels like our town grows and improves every year. I feel lucky to raise M in a relatively safe community like ours.

Friends who help carry burdens, encourage growth, and celebrate little moments. 

My “new” car. K traded in our work truck and my daily driver for a new pick-up. So I got the Jeep Grand Cherokee that he’d been driver. I love it soooooo much!

Family members who watch M during the week. I work M/W/F and M hangs out with family on those days. It’s a relief to know she’s safe and loved and snuggled while we’re earning a paycheck.

Healthy communication. The ability and freedom to speak my mind, the education and patience to discuss my opinions and beliefs, and the humility to listen and learn from others. (Granted, I’m always working on humility and education… lol.)

I was going to say my dogs… but then Bristol got into the grill grease trap and vomited all over the carpet Tuesday night. But still, I guess they can be on my list. Bristol’s love for M has been there since day 1 and I’m excited to watch them grow up together.

Of course a handful of other things: family, our healthy & safety, comfort, our jobs…

And that about sums it up for today! How about you?

I’m linking up with Rebecca Jo today for Thankful Thursday!

My Resolution | 2020

Happy Thursday ♥ I skipped book day with Steph & Jana because I haven’t finish any books lately (surprise, surprise) but I’m showing up today. I listed some goals for 2020 a few weeks ago but I have a resolution to share, too.

My New Year’s resolution isn’t just for the year… it’s for the decade and (hopefully) forever. This isn’t a “new year, new me” kind of thing… It’s a “how can I nurture my mental health and fully enjoy life in this season and seasons to come” kind of thing.

So what is it?

I want to live in the present and fully enjoy (or at least experience) my time right now.

The season of life I’m in right now is tough & tiring, slow-paced with subtle achievements. It’s easy to miss or overlook or dismiss little victories & developments. It’s easy to wish for longer sleeps at night & more mobile and active baby days.

The thing is… those future days are going to happen. M is going to grow up and start talking and moving and sleeping etc. And when they happen, I can enjoy them for what they are. These days- the 2am cuddles and itty bitty onesies and first smiles & coos & babbles- are only going to happen right now. To reference 50% of country songs and 100% of seasoned parent advice, it won’t be like this for long.

So no more wishing the days away. No more “I can’t wait until … .” No more looking ahead to the next chapter while moving blindly through my current one. That’s not to say I can’t be excited about days to come. I will look forward to the future, but not with tunnel vision.

What am I hoping to achieve with this resolution? What changes do I hope to make?

Mindfulness (which is the root of living in and experiencing the moment) leads to decreased anxiety and depression. I’m hoping to experience more frequent and natural joy.

I hope to improve upon my patience. Less getting frustrated about things. Less getting frustrated with K or Bristol or M or myself. (Enzo very, very rarely frustrates me.)

I want to acknowledge and practice gratitude. When I’m home I want to be grateful for the time I spend with my family. When I’m at work I want to be grateful for a job I love. When I’m working out I want to be grateful for the ability and time. Et cetera.

I really do love my life. I feel incredibly blessed to have the family & friends and comfort and opportunities that I do. I never want to take my reality for granted. And I hope my resolution helps me to fall in love with my life, over and over.

I’ve shared my resolution with K. I’ve told him I want to cut the phrase “I can’t wait until/for…” from my vocabulary. I’m hoping he holds me accountable to this mentality and practice. (This is me giving you permission to call me out, dear.) I know I can’t be joyful or patient or grateful ALL the time… but I can certainly be those things more often than I am right now.

So here’s to living for today, patiently looking forward to tomorrow, and experiencing every moment as it happens, while it’s happening.

Thankful Thursday

I can’t decide what I talk about today so I’m link up with the beautiful Rebecca Jo for her weekly Thankful Thursdays

Image result for knit by god's hand thankful thursday

Time with my brother & sister-in-law.
My brother lives two hours away and I only see him once every month or two. He came home for Mother’s Day this weekend but my mom caught the flu Friday night so Fred & Christina stayed with us Sat. & Sun. We did dinner, breakfast, and dinner again while they were here. And I finally played Ticket to Ride for the first time! I’m sad my mom was under the weather, but I had extra time with F&C because of it so… silver lining.

My friendships.
I have a very small circle of friends. (I’ve written and deleted many posts on the topic.) Even though it’s a small group, the women that surround me are incredible. They’re supportive & invested & compassionate. We’re all in totally different stages of life with major changes/growth/struggles on our plates… but I’m so grateful that they’re always there for me regardless.

Gourmet Dinner.
The way to my heart is cooking me food- specifically something I request. While I cook 70% of the time in our house, there are a handful of foods that I eff-up every time and K excels at making. Grilled cheese is one of those foods. On Tuesday, after I was feeling drained and under the weather all day, we got home from work and K made me soup and grilled cheese. I just laid on the couch while he made it AND brought it to me. Literally the best.

What are you thankful for this week?