Chats with K

The world is depressing and heavy right now so today I’m sharing some recent conversations with K that are neither depressing nor heavy.

Me: How’s she doing?
K: Good. I’m a snot machine in the other hand.
Me: What color?
K: Clear.
Me: …that was a very “mom question” wasn’t it?
K: Yes. 


*while in the car*
Me: Uh oh.
K: What?
Me: I think I smell a poopy diaper.
K: … um no. That was me. I farted. 


Me: If you die first I’m putting mascara on you in your casket.
K: No you’re not.
Me: I am.
K: If you die first I’m having a party.
*a little context here: K has beautiful eyelashes. I’ve been asking to put mascara on them since we first started dating…*


Me: Why are you so testy tonight?
K: Because I made our daughter bleed while clipping her nails!
Me: Ok, but that’s not my fault. She’s fine. Don’t take it out on me.
K: I’m taking it out on everyone.
Me:
K:
Me: Ok, well I’m going to go to laundry because it’s more fun than you right now. 

Find a reason to smile, friends. And wash your hands!

Chats with K

Last Saturday marked 11 years with Kyle. The original “chat with K” occurred on that day in 2007.

Me: Guess what? My parents finally decided it’d be ok* if we dated!
K: Cool!
Me: …so…?
K: Well, I guess we’re dating now.

Always the romantic, friends.
*There’s an age gap between us (and I was 17) so we wanted our relationship to be ok with my parents before we called a square a square.

Alright, now our more recent conversations…

I have a lot of these today…


K: If we have a kid that wants to race go-karts I could get behind that. I’d sponsor the shit out of their car.
Me: The fact that you just said “kid” and not “son” is pretty much why I married you.


Me: If you were going to throw me a surprise party what would I want?
K: Quidditch.
Me: I… uh… yeah, actually. But that’s not what I was going to say.
K: That’s because I know you better than you know you.


Me: What time are we starting this landscaping project on Saturday?
K: Your dad and I will probably go get the stone around 6am.
Me: …so I should probably reschedule my 8am massage?
K: *glares* I’d say use your best judgement.


K kills a flying against the counter with his hand and looks at me proudly.
Me: You’re gonna clean that up, right?
K calls Lylee over and swipes the dead fly onto the floor. Dog eats it.
K: I did it.


While driving in the car…
K: Pick some music to jam out to. You always want to talk. I don’t get to jam with you in the car anymore.
Me: I would LOVE to not talk to you and jam out, thanks.


Me: I think you think I’m mean to you.
K *grumbles*
Me: I’m not mean to you. I just treat you like an adult. Don’t you want to be treated like an adult?
K: *sneezes all over the seat next to him without covering his mouth and grins* Does that answer your question?


After bitching at him for leaving clothes all over the kitchen…
Me: Kyle, I work hard all day and then come straight home and clean. You come straight home and mess.
K: But what would you clean if I didn’t mess? We’re like two peas.
Me: It’s about to get murderous up in this pod.


Me: Make me an egg.
K just looks at me.
Me: Enzo, go make me an egg.
K: You’ve eaten several time today.
Me: It’s called “healthy”, Kyle. It improves your metabolism.
K: …one of those times it was Doritos.

That’ll do it for this round of chats.

Chats with K

Just your average round up of conversations I had with the husband…

Me: Maybe these melatonin pills put you to sleep because when we take them I have to keep quiet for 30 seconds while they dissolve under my tongue.
K: Yep, I was just thinking that.

Discussing lunch in the middle of my alcohol & dairy detox.
Me: Let’s get Chinese.
K: We just had Chinese food.
Me: It’s my only option! Italian is creamy and cheesy. Mexican is creamy and cheesy. American food is creamy, cheesy, AND greasy.
K: Those are my favorite dwarfs!

Me: Do you ever feel like your lungs are restricted and you can’t take a big deep breath?
K: Yeah.
Me: I think it’s because I slouch.
K: I think it’s because I’m fat.

On National Puppy Day I posted a few adoptable dogs to K’s FB wall after he told me not to.
*phone rings; it’s K*
Me: DON’T YELL AT ME, DON’T YELL AT ME.
K: ….I haven’t been on Facebook yet but what did you do?

K: I don’t know why I haven’t fired you yet.
Me: Because it’d be awfully expensive.
K: How do you figure?
Me: “Cheaper to keep her.”
K: I didn’t say I’d divorce you.
Me: That makes one of us.

Upon entering Gettysburg…
K: Is this like a National….
Me: Park? Yes.
K: So should I not have a knife in my pocket.
Me: That is correct.
K hangs head and walks back to the car. We’ve seen this play out badly way too many times.

Me: I am the first person to get angry and outraged over silly jokes and trivial things-
K: Yeah. Good job.
Me: …that wasn’t the end of my thought.
K: Oh.

I collected some gems this month, I think. Lol

Chats with K – Holiday Edition

Ho hum… Time for a *somewhat* holiday edition of husband conversations.

Me: Why were single-word band names so popular in the 80s?
K: I don’t know. They just were.
Me: Boston, Kansas, Styx, Journey, Rush, Wham-
K: No. Do not include Wham with that group of artists.

Mid-November I was listening to loud Christmas music & baking in the kitchen.
Romantically wrapping his arms around me and nuzzling his chin in my neck, Kyle whispers: Hey, I’m gonna go ahead and turn this shit off.

A female colleague was stopping by later in the day.
Me: Your new girlfriend is stopping in later.
K: I don’t have a new girlfriend. Two of you is enough to deal with.
Me: Excuse me?

Me: Maybe we should get your niece and nephews stuffed animals for Christmas.
Kyle: No, Isaac still has mine.
Me: Teddy Rump-skin?
K: …first of all it’s ‘Teddy Ruxpin.’ Secondly, no it was A.G. Bear.
After kissing Kyle good morning…

K: Did you brush your teeth?
Me: …yes. Why?
K: *sniffs my lips* You smell a little like old person.
Me: Umm…
K: Did you eat an old person for breakfast?

I laid out my cabin trip outfit the night before I left:

 

 

K: Did you even pack any clothes?
Me: …yeah? Why?
K: I feel like all you need to legitimately camp is that outfit you’re wearing tomorrow.

 

 

Such a comedian.

Happy Holy Week!

I will sum up my weekend by listing all for which I am grateful 🙂

– My husband staying safe during his late night travels all weekend
– My mom helping me paint our spare bedroom and it now looks PERFECT
– My parents stopping by the house last night to take care of the dogs
– My time and experiences in the drumline world giving me new friendships and confidence
– We are able to afford our house and groceries
– Helpful family members on K’s side offering to bring dishes to Easter (we’re hosting!)
– Jesus Christ dying for my sins

Starting this week with a grateful heart! What happened this weekend that you’re grateful for?

Grateful Heart w/ Ember Grey
 -Louise