It’s Not You, It’s Me

The internet is strange. I’ve been blogging here for almost 6 years and I’ve made some absolutely wonderful, caring, supportive friends (whom I’ve never met & may never meet). I’ve also been putting my life, my family’s life, my hobbies, and my opinions out into the universe for the past 6 years. Oddly enough, that doesn’t really bother me.

Lately I’ve felt like a stranger in my own home, though. I feel like I’m tip-toeing around and I’m anxious about every interaction. It’s not how I want to feel when I’m just trying to a) express myself and b) unwind. So I need a break from the traditional blogging content.

Many of you guys follow me on IG and I love that we’re able to connect and catch up and interact there. 😊 I’ve never been and will never be about numbers- I don’t care about quantity of readers, only the quality.

I’ll show up for Show Us Your Books with Steph and Jana.
I’ll still be posting M’s 9 month and 1 year updates.
I’ll keep track of & update my 101 in 1001 list.

I’m also going to keep writing. I’m hoping to come back to this space more regularly in December. (I will reevaluate then.) I should have lots and lots and lots of drafts by then.

I’m not shutting anything down… I’m just going from part time to part-part time. So I hope you’ll still check back here every so often. I just need a little solace. A little privacy. A little break from being an open book.

And I know I don’t need to explain or justify myself to you guys 🖤 but I wanted to address my quietness.

I’m not as on top of it with reading blogs as I used to be, but I promise I’m still keeping up with you guys, too.

See you in September for M’s update!

The Good, The Good, & The Good

How’s everyone doing? It’s been a long month. Or year. Or decade? The Roaring Twenties are nuts. Or I’m nuts. Or the world is nuts. I can’t keep track.

We’re doing ok but sometimes I feel like God had the wild idea to really TOSS me into motherhood. “OH, you’re nervous and introverted and unsure about sharing your life with a needy and helpless human for the rest of your days? LET’S KICK THIS OFF WITH SOME MANDATED QUARANTINE. Enjoy motherhood!”

I’m kidding. I am exhausted, covered in slobber (M’s & Bristol’s), and drained by the end of the day but I feel fortunate to have comfort and safety, as well as time to spend with M (& K & the pups). I’m not missing her big milestones and I think that’s incredible. I also know that people are risking their lives to help others. And some people have lost their life or their loved ones… so I am aware that this whole thing is not God testing me with trial-by-fire motherhood.

Alrighty. Enough bitching. I’m going to share some good things with you and then you’re going to do the same (in the comments)!

My best friend just asked me to be in her wedding!! I am SO excited. It’s next May so we have plenty of time to match our masks to our dresses. (JK PLEASE let this be over by then.) I can’t wait to shop with her and help her prep and plan the pre-wedding festivities. Oh yeah… I’m not just IN the wedding- I’m her matron of honor! I am so excited!!

Maddie can now roll over both ways with no hesitation. She’s now trying very very hard to crawl… GULP. She’s mostly just lays on her stomach, straightens her arms, or yells really loudly and kicks her legs. She hasn’t figured out that she needs to do all that at the same time… thankfully. She’ll be 5 months on May 4th. She needs to cool it.

Bristol and I went hiking at a local waterfall this past weekend. If you’ve watched my IG stories you might know that B-town is a total nut job. Well, turns out she’s a GREAT hiking buddy. She was easy to guide and she stayed with me (on a leash, obviously). She climbed rocks and jumped logs and splashed through the creek bed. She also didn’t bother the other hikers on the trail- didn’t even show interest in them. A+ for social distancing.

We took our 7 year anniversary pictures ON our anniversary! I don’t know if that’s ever happened. We had nothing better to do and it was a pretty day so we checked it off the list.


That about wraps it up for now. I’m forcing rainbow and sunshine today because it’s tough to wade through the crap sometimes. We have multiple loved ones out of a job, family members that have been hospitalized (fortunately NOT with covid-19), and tough business decisions. But there’s a lot of good out there, too.

Speak of… I’m just throwing around the idea of this, but would anyone be interested in a Pass the Good Stuff train? Essentially a small gift/goodies chain… I’d assign you someone to send a little happiness to. It could be a gift card for coffee, flowers, a new book… anything you want to send! (And someone would send you a special something, too.) Any takers?

Ok. Enough blabbering. Tell me about the good things in your life!

The American Reality

I know I rarely post on a Friday. I originally had a live post in the works for yesterday but it was extremely depressing and negative. (Originally this was titled The American Nightmare…)

I bounce between feeling hopeless and feeling determined. Yesterday I completely lost my cool. Even when I have my cool, I can feel how precarious it is. I’m teetering on the edge and I feel it.

We’ve had to make some big decisions for our business & it hurts- physically, mentally, financially. This freaking sucks. But we’re going to keep our heads above water & help those around us do the same.

So yeah… I’m honestly filled with more sadness, anger, frustration, and fear than anything else. But we are fighters and as long as there is a little hope and a little will, we will most definitely find a damn way.

Faith over fear, prayer over worry.

Take a bath, read a book, go for a walk, call a friend, do an online exercise class, pray, watch a virtual church service, play with your kids or pets, listen to a podcast, go on a virtual museum tour, listen to music, take an online course, watch the new movies on Disney+, write in a journal, or sit in silence & meditate.

I have a constant headache from clenching my jaw. First things first, I need to quit doing that.

Can I pray for you? Can I send you some good vibes? Can we just chat? This isolation is lonely, even for an introvert.

Three Things in February

I’m borrowing this prompt from Steph today.

Three things I liked about February
1. Getting our first trip as a (human) family of 3 out of the way
2. Going back to work
3. Bristol’s joy over the snow & coldness
 
Three things I’m looking forward to in March
1. Kyle’s birthday!
2. A family wedding in Texas
3. Slightly warmer weather & hopefully some family walks
 
Three vegetables I eat the most
1. Brussels sprouts
2. Potatoes
3.  Bell peppers
(4. Corn in the summer!)
 
Three grocery items I buy every week
1. Chicken
2. Ice cream
3. Formula
 
Three things we go through like crazy in my house
1. Peanut butter (dogs)
2. Formula (M)
3. Half & half (me)
 
Three things I always have time for
1. Puppy cuddles
2. Laundry
3. Relaxing on the couch w/ K & M
 
Three things I never have time for
1. People who say intentionally hurtful things
2. Woman/mom/parent shaming
3. Wiping Bristol’s muddy feet
 

Currently…

Happy Thursday! Joining Kristen for the What’s New With You? link up.

I haven’t done one of these posts since August 2019. Yikes.

Reading… a few different books and making 0 headway on any of them. Sigh. Currently reading The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle when I get a minute or two to crack it open.

Watching… The Today Show every single morning. Haha. Followed by Hoda & Jenna and then The Kelly Clarkson Show. Plus these shows.

Eating… whatever we have in the house. Grocery shopping takes a little more effort now so our cupboards (& fridge) are usually bare. We still have some goodies left from The Great Aubrey Stock of 2019 so we’re alright.

Drinking… all the coffee. Lol

Planning… M’s baptism! She’s getting baptized this Sunday and we’re treating friends, family, and parishioners to donuts and coffee afterward. Fun fact: The minister baptizing M is the same one who baptized K and married us 6+ years ago.

Traveling to… San Antonio, TX soon! It’s a work trip but I don’t know how much working I’ll be required to do. M is coming along, too. So are my mom and dad. In March we’re headed back to Texas (Dallas) for a family wedding. K’s parents are coming on that trip. Having family around for M’s first few trips is a relief.

Looking forward to… summertime. I’ve never been excited about summer (I’m a fall/winter lover) but I can’t wait to swim and go on walks and sit outside with M.

Praying about… literally everything. Lol.

Enjoying… Miss M and all her developments. She figured out how to smile a few weeks ago but it was elusive. Now she freely gives them to K and I. I LOVE it. Every single day she’s more alert and I love love love it.

TL;DR… I live on coffee now. More so than before. 😆

Tell me what’s new with you!