The Downside to Working With Your Spouse

If you’re new here, you need the basic knowledge that I work with/for my husband. He started a company 7+ years ago and I started full-time about 2.5 years ago.

And now you’re all caught up.

When I made the decision to leave my former job and join K, we had so many people doubt us. More than half of our friends and family has something negative or apprehensive to say. I don’t blame them- working with your spouse can be r.o.u.g.h.

Honestly, 88% of the time I love it. It’s a situation that works for us. We try to talk about work things at work and home things at home, but sometimes the worlds mesh. But I like that, too. (Not always, of course.) Also, our job duties rarely overlap so we’re kind of in our own little worlds all day with the option to pop in and visit one another or go to lunch together. Yeah, K is my boss, but he’s mostly hands off unless I’m totally lost or floundering. (Is “hands off” a cheeky phrase to use when talking about your husband as your boss? Lol.)

We like our jobs and love the company, but I’m a realist and I don’t edit out the sh*t moments so today I’m here to be 100% up front with you and rant about share the downsides to working with your spouse.

I’m not complaining; I’m being honest. And these things apply to us because K owns the company. I know it’d be different if we were both employees.

1. The guilt is real when it comes to taking time off. There are minimal people who work in the office so inevitably, when one of us is gone, the others have to pick up the slack. I know the self care mantra and the “you have sick days available-use them!” mindset is healthy, but it doesn’t exist without guilt when you’re sitting at home and your spouse is possibly picking up your slack. (At least for me.)

I have already had a break down over maternity leave. I want it, and I know it’s important, but we’re going to be going through a huge transition around that time and it KILLS me that I’ll be at home “doing nothing.” (I know I’m not doing nothing and K has told me time and time again how important my role at home will be during those weeks.) I just hate that I’m not helping the company. AND I want K to enjoy some paternity leave too with our little one. Honestly, this is something we’re still figuring out.

2. Do you ever get frustrated with your boss? Or, if you’re a supervisor, do you ever get annoyed with an employee? When that individual is your romantic partner it can make for a stressful dinner later that night.

We rarely get completely pissed at one another, but that’s because of good communication, quick forgiveness, and the willingness to compartmentalize OR just let things go. We don’t let things go very easily, so if we have a work problem we try to solve it before the end of the work day.

Sometimes a post-work detour to Target to cool down is just what the doctor ordered.

3. It’s very strange to carry the exact same stress as your spouse. We both carry similar personal stress, household stress, family stress, financial stress, AND work stress. It’s tough to vent or talk it out when you’re both already feeling the pressure.

4. That’s not to say we don’t have individual stress. It kills me that I can’t help when K is so stressed out and upset over a situation that is beyond my control/department. And at the same time, when someone pisses me off at work I know it frustrates him that he can’t step in and solve the problem because it’s not a situation that calls for the boss to get involved. There are plenty of nights we both lay awake thinking about job stress that neither one of us can help the other with.

5. Obviously we’re together a lot. We work and live and sleep and vacation next to one another. Two things have come from this. First of all, neither one of us feels guilty when we go do something on our own. He does a guys lunch with some of the men in my family on Saturdays. I love my alone time on weekends. I go to dinner with friends or visit my brother in Columbus and K stays home to decompress or get some work done. We’re both fine with independent actives in our free time. But secondly, we also recognize that time we’re together has to be allotted for the activity. Working together isn’t “quality time” together. It’s work. We still enjoy date nights and breakfast on the weekends and lounging on the couch together.


I know I’m fortunate to work with K. I know some couples spend a few hours together at night and that’s it or they work opposite shifts. Honestly, once we have a kid I think it’ll be nice to have some time where it’s just “us” again at work. But today I’m just airing all the little issues that still arise in our unique situation.

And of course I didn’t cover them all. My relationship with K is obviously different than every other employee here. And I’m sure our marital relationship has been changed and affected by our working situation. But digging into all that is too much for this post. Lol

I’m not even sure this was interesting, but it’s a peek at my life and some food for thought if you’ve ever imagined yourself working closely with a romantic partner. (I know a few of y’all DO work with your spouse.) Is working with your husband or wife (or girl/boyfriend) something you’d ever want to do?

Chats With K

We had some of these conversations months ago but it was before baby was public news 😉

K: That’s a good hospital but it’s kind of far away for taking care of the dogs.
Me: We’ll work that out before hand and have a sitter on call.
K: But for me to go home at night.
Me: …Ha. No. You’re at the hospital with me. You sleep on the couch or chair in the room.
K: WHAT? What if my back hurt?
Me: Your chiropractor is in the area. It’ll be perfect.
K *grumbles*: But I won’t be allow to leave the prison to go.
Me: The next 18 years are a prison, baby. 

A few months later he tried this one…

K: What hotels are close to the hospital?
Me: Why does that matter?
K: So I have some place to sleep.
Me: You do- in the room on the couch.
K: Maybe you could let me sleep in your bed.
Me: Keep this up and you won’t even be around 💀


Me: So are we gonna go maternity pictures or newborn-
K: I can’t focus on that right now.
Me: What? Why?
K: because I’m about to Night Rider right over this truck. 

Me: No you’re not. 


Me: I’m so nervous.
K: You don’t have any control over it.
Me: You need to practice your empathy.
K: *says nicely* You don’t have any control over it.
Me: Saying it nicer isn’t empathy. 


Me: I even scrubbed the stove today!
K: Look at you! You Maria Canoodle-d that stove!
Me: …what?
K: Those cooked-on stains and charred foods didn’t bring you joy and you got rid of them.
Me: Wow. Marie Kondo and that’s not exactly how it works.

If our kid gets his wit and humor I will never run out of conversations to share. Lol

Chats with K

Thank you for all the baby love, friends ❤️ You guys are seriously the greatest people I’ve never met 😊

Today I have a bunch of chats with K that I never got around to sharing!

Me: Shoot! Did we miss Jeopardy?
K: Nope. I’d say you’re about 70 years early.

I paused Dirt and got up to let the dogs out. K picked up my book (Daisy Jones) to mock me for reading 2 or 3 minute at a time when I can (like when he lets the dogs out).
Me: You’re so funny.
K *pauses because he’s actually reading a small part*: We’re watching a movie about sex and drugs and music… and you’re reading a book about sex and drugs and music.
Me: Yeah, it reminded me that I wanted to watch this movie.

*walks into K’s office* Me: Have you seen the news?
K: About the thing in France that’s on fire?
Me: “The thing in France“? THAT’S NOTRE DAME, KYLE!
He’s not really one for international landmarks.

Me: I figured cereal would help my heartburn because of the milk but I think the cereal part makes it worse.
K: Want me to take one for the team? I’ll eat the Fruity Pebbles and you can have the leftover mi- No, I don’t want to give up the best part.
Me: Literally any other cereal milk, Kyle. Not that gross crap.
K: The sugary cereal makes the best milk- Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Frosted Flakes, Cheerios.
Me: …Cheerios don’t have sugar.
K: Yes they do, when you eat them correctly.

Me: While we’re in Phoenix would you rather drive to the Grand Canyon for the day or take a train ride through the desert canyons?
K: Ehh… I’ve seen Back to the Future. I know how train rides through the desert go. Somewhere out there there’s a bridge that isn’t finished and I don’t want to come across it.
Me: …are you kidding me?

Me: How do I look?
K: Different…
Me: That’s not a compliment. “Different” and “bad” are not good answers.
K: You don’t look bad………. you just look like you stole your wardrobe from the cast of Little Women.
Me: Still. Not. A. Compliment.

Such a way with words, lol.

Six Years A Mrs.

Saturday is our sixth wedding anniversary. I say it every single year, but I don’t know how it’s been six years already. And I don’t know how it’s only been six years.

(C)Ryan Armbrust Sniper Photo LLC

We went on our first date 12 years ago. How anyone (other than my parents) puts up with me day in and day out for 12 years is beyond me.

Last year I wrote about K’s crows feet. They’re still there and I still love them. This year I’m going to be a little goofier and share with you all the dumb things we fight about- even after 12 years.

Whether or not nachos are an appropriate dinner.

Whether or not snacks in general are an appropriate dinner. (They are.)

Me refusing to learn people’s names and using my own nicknames.

Someone promising to pick up the dog poop in the backyard if we got a puppy (me). And now someone brings that up any time I make a promise he knows I won’t keep. (It’s been five years, dude. Geeeez.)

Why someone needs 100 pairs of shoes.

The cable. We still have it. And Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime. I think we have a Swing account, too.

Someone’s overall behavior and language when playing video games (also me).

Halloween decorations.

Christmas decorations.

Pretty much any decorations that aren’t our “every day” decorations.

Real tree vs. fake tree. And white lights vs. color lights.
(Every year I win with a real tree & he wins with white lights.)

The amount of dog hair in my car.

“Let’s get a third dog.”
“For the hundredth time: NO.”
“I know. I was just kidding.”
“No you weren’t. And you need to pick up the dog poop in the yard.”

Backing into the garage and how close someone (me) gets to the workbench.

Bathroom counter space.

The habit of setting multiple morning alarms and ignoring them all.

Clothes that can’t find their way to the laundry room.

Which living room blanket belongs to who.

Appropriate conversation to have right before falling asleep.

Happy Anniversary to my shoe-hoarding, Halloween-loathing, blanket-hogging husband. I can’t wait to celebrate the next 80+ years with you ❤️

My Favorite Person

Today is K’s 32nd birthday. We took this week off and away from work. We’re attempting to relax and forget about the craziness of this time of year.

I’m willing to skip book day for K’s BIG 3-2 bday, so check in tomorrow for a special Wednesday book post! (I met K when he was 18. HOW THE EFF IS HE 32!?)

I’m keeping it short and sweet. Here are a few of my favorite things about Kyle:

  • his love of dogs
  • his generous, giving heart
    (he seems like a tough cookie, but he’s so giving)
  • he’s a natural with babies and kids
  • he & my dad hang out all the time
  • his car knowledge
  • his vehicle skills- he can drive a truck & trailer, a manual vehicle, a semi truck, a motorcycle, etc.
  • the way he talks about me when I’m around AND when I’m not
  • his subtle protectiveness of me & my feeling
  • he is a feminist and doesn’t ever question my (or any other female’s) ability to do something because I’m a woman
  • I have never seen him show off (or “flex” as the kids say) to prove his manliness
  • he understands that after a social weekend I just need to be alone
  • he knows when to tease me and when to lift me up
  • his love of history and learning (despite not being a reader)
  • his grilling
  • his nose
  • he’s loyal to the core
  • he is honest and doesn’t resort to flattery or brown nosing to gain someone’s approval
  • actually, he just doesn’t give a damn about seeking approval
  • he listens and pays attention
  • he works hard to keep our marriage fair and healthy and top priority
  • his business mindset and professional drive
  • his acceptance of failure and mistakes- his own & others
  • his promptness
  • he is kind, even when he doesn’t want to be
  • he goes out of his way to make me feel loved and happy

Alright- that’s enough. Happy Birthday, Kyle. I love you today & every day.