My Resolution | 2020

Happy Thursday ♥ I skipped book day with Steph & Jana because I haven’t finish any books lately (surprise, surprise) but I’m showing up today. I listed some goals for 2020 a few weeks ago but I have a resolution to share, too.

My New Year’s resolution isn’t just for the year… it’s for the decade and (hopefully) forever. This isn’t a “new year, new me” kind of thing… It’s a “how can I nurture my mental health and fully enjoy life in this season and seasons to come” kind of thing.

So what is it?

I want to live in the present and fully enjoy (or at least experience) my time right now.

The season of life I’m in right now is tough & tiring, slow-paced with subtle achievements. It’s easy to miss or overlook or dismiss little victories & developments. It’s easy to wish for longer sleeps at night & more mobile and active baby days.

The thing is… those future days are going to happen. M is going to grow up and start talking and moving and sleeping etc. And when they happen, I can enjoy them for what they are. These days- the 2am cuddles and itty bitty onesies and first smiles & coos & babbles- are only going to happen right now. To reference 50% of country songs and 100% of seasoned parent advice, it won’t be like this for long.

So no more wishing the days away. No more “I can’t wait until … .” No more looking ahead to the next chapter while moving blindly through my current one. That’s not to say I can’t be excited about days to come. I will look forward to the future, but not with tunnel vision.

What am I hoping to achieve with this resolution? What changes do I hope to make?

Mindfulness (which is the root of living in and experiencing the moment) leads to decreased anxiety and depression. I’m hoping to experience more frequent and natural joy.

I hope to improve upon my patience. Less getting frustrated about things. Less getting frustrated with K or Bristol or M or myself. (Enzo very, very rarely frustrates me.)

I want to acknowledge and practice gratitude. When I’m home I want to be grateful for the time I spend with my family. When I’m at work I want to be grateful for a job I love. When I’m working out I want to be grateful for the ability and time. Et cetera.

I really do love my life. I feel incredibly blessed to have the family & friends and comfort and opportunities that I do. I never want to take my reality for granted. And I hope my resolution helps me to fall in love with my life, over and over.

I’ve shared my resolution with K. I’ve told him I want to cut the phrase “I can’t wait until/for…” from my vocabulary. I’m hoping he holds me accountable to this mentality and practice. (This is me giving you permission to call me out, dear.) I know I can’t be joyful or patient or grateful ALL the time… but I can certainly be those things more often than I am right now.

So here’s to living for today, patiently looking forward to tomorrow, and experiencing every moment as it happens, while it’s happening.

My Weekend Nightmare

You don’t have to dig too deep to discover that I am obsessed with my dogs. There are three beating hearts that I would die for and two belong to four-legged canines. In our house our 3 year old Lylee is more bonded to K and our little Enzo is bonded to me. It works nicely during cuddle-time.

Lylee & K
Lylee & K

This weekend Enzo and I made our first attempt at behavioral testing for the Pet Partners program. Enzo is a therapy dog in-training; someday soon we will be visiting sick and injured people in hospitals. I’ve wanted to work with a therapy dog for a long time and when Enzo’s true personality started to develop we discovered that he would make the perfect comfort dog!

Enzo passed all but one challenge. The evaluator had nothing but wonderful things to say about him, but we both agreed he’s a little exuberant. He was not able to ignore the “neutral dog” in the room and so he failed that portion. We overcompensated on socializing Enzo because Lylee tends to be dog aggressive, so we taught him to play with other dogs… and that’s what he wanted to do during the test.

Enzo2

When he failed part my heart sank. I felt my face flush with embarrassment for Enzo and I almost started crying… We have hours of training and +$300 invested in this therapy dog goal. I knew it wasn’t his fault, but I felt like we’d totally failed. Then I looked at Enzo.

He was sad because the other “neutral dog” had left the room, but other than that he sat there wagging his tail, looking at me for the next command. He wasn’t sad- he was just having a good time. We continued with the evaluation, just for the experience, and he was perfect. After we left (and promised to come back and test again) I took him to the pet store for a new bone.

I admit that I was still sad when we left the testing facility. I cried in the car a little bit and called K to tell him the bad news. We came up with a game plan to train Enzo to be a little more disciplined, but deep down I love that he’s so social and happy. While we waited to test he politely greeted everyone in the lobby with a wagging tail. He will absolutely be the perfect therapy dog- Saturday just wasn’t our time.

Enzo

I’m very grateful for Enzo. He reminds me that life is better when you speak softly and wag your tail. Last night I had a nightmare that I turned my back for a few minutes and someone stole him. (Our last trainer and the evaluator joked that they’d steal him in a heartbeat.) I panicked in my dream and then woke up and searched the bed for him. Of course he was passed out against my thigh, same as every night.

Have you ever been visited by a therapy dog? Do you have super crazy dreams based on real-life interactions? Are you sick of my dog-posts yet?

-Louise

Grateful Heart w/ Ember Grey