Chats with K

Last Saturday marked 11 years with Kyle. The original “chat with K” occurred on that day in 2007.

Me: Guess what? My parents finally decided it’d be ok* if we dated!
K: Cool!
Me: …so…?
K: Well, I guess we’re dating now.

Always the romantic, friends.
*There’s an age gap between us (and I was 17) so we wanted our relationship to be ok with my parents before we called a square a square.

Alright, now our more recent conversations…

I have a lot of these today…

K: If we have a kid that wants to race go-karts I could get behind that. I’d sponsor the shit out of their car.
Me: The fact that you just said “kid” and not “son” is pretty much why I married you.

Me: If you were going to throw me a surprise party what would I want?
K: Quidditch.
Me: I… uh… yeah, actually. But that’s not what I was going to say.
K: That’s because I know you better than you know you.

Me: What time are we starting this landscaping project on Saturday?
K: Your dad and I will probably go get the stone around 6am.
Me: …so I should probably reschedule my 8am massage?
K: *glares* I’d say use your best judgement.

K kills a flying against the counter with his hand and looks at me proudly.
Me: You’re gonna clean that up, right?
K calls Lylee over and swipes the dead fly onto the floor. Dog eats it.
K: I did it.

While driving in the car…
K: Pick some music to jam out to. You always want to talk. I don’t get to jam with you in the car anymore.
Me: I would LOVE to not talk to you and jam out, thanks.

Me: I think you think I’m mean to you.
K *grumbles*
Me: I’m not mean to you. I just treat you like an adult. Don’t you want to be treated like an adult?
K: *sneezes all over the seat next to him without covering his mouth and grins* Does that answer your question?

After bitching at him for leaving clothes all over the kitchen…
Me: Kyle, I work hard all day and then come straight home and clean. You come straight home and mess.
K: But what would you clean if I didn’t mess? We’re like two peas.
Me: It’s about to get murderous up in this pod.

Me: Make me an egg.
K just looks at me.
Me: Enzo, go make me an egg.
K: You’ve eaten several time today.
Me: It’s called “healthy”, Kyle. It improves your metabolism.
K: …one of those times it was Doritos.

That’ll do it for this round of chats.

Chats with K

Just your average round up of conversations I had with the husband…

Me: Maybe these melatonin pills put you to sleep because when we take them I have to keep quiet for 30 seconds while they dissolve under my tongue.
K: Yep, I was just thinking that.

Discussing lunch in the middle of my alcohol & dairy detox.
Me: Let’s get Chinese.
K: We just had Chinese food.
Me: It’s my only option! Italian is creamy and cheesy. Mexican is creamy and cheesy. American food is creamy, cheesy, AND greasy.
K: Those are my favorite dwarfs!

Me: Do you ever feel like your lungs are restricted and you can’t take a big deep breath?
K: Yeah.
Me: I think it’s because I slouch.
K: I think it’s because I’m fat.

On National Puppy Day I posted a few adoptable dogs to K’s FB wall after he told me not to.
*phone rings; it’s K*
K: ….I haven’t been on Facebook yet but what did you do?

K: I don’t know why I haven’t fired you yet.
Me: Because it’d be awfully expensive.
K: How do you figure?
Me: “Cheaper to keep her.”
K: I didn’t say I’d divorce you.
Me: That makes one of us.

Upon entering Gettysburg…
K: Is this like a National….
Me: Park? Yes.
K: So should I not have a knife in my pocket.
Me: That is correct.
K hangs head and walks back to the car. We’ve seen this play out badly way too many times.

Me: I am the first person to get angry and outraged over silly jokes and trivial things-
K: Yeah. Good job.
Me: …that wasn’t the end of my thought.
K: Oh.

I collected some gems this month, I think. Lol

Kyle’s Birthday

My husband turns 29 tomorrow.


How is the man I love 29 years old…!? I think it’s absolutely insane that I knew him at 19. We weren’t romantically involved, but we were friends. And now he’s 29. Almost 30! Life is weird.

When we confessed our feelings for one another K had just turned 20 and I was 16 and a half. There’s nothing weird about 25 & 29, but 16 & 20 tends to raise eyebrows. Fortunately, we weren’t foolish and my parents knew that I had a little crush on Kyle. Our time together was spent going for ice cream or watching movies in my living room or taking walks. After six months of flirtatious day-dates, three days after my 17th birthday, my parents gave me the ok to “date” Kyle.

Best birthday present ever.

A four year gap doesn’t work for everyone, but K knew that I had big plans: graduate high school, attend college, find a job. I also threw him for a few loops with a crazy schedule (thanks, drumline!) and a month-long trip to India. He never said, “no.” He never said, “don’t do it.” And if he had, we wouldn’t be the people or the couple that we are. Less than a year before we got married he said he was thinking about starting a company. And I said go for it.

We’ve been Kyle&Audrey for so long. I’m reminded of the Zits comic when I type that.


But oh how I admire half of that equation. The “Kyle” part, if you’re wondering. He’s a crazy cool guy. He’s patient and hilarious. He’s a little arrogant but admittedly very talented. He’s so damn creative. He has a huge heart that’s encased in a fortress of sarcasm. He’s loyal to a fault but he’s strong enough to walk away and bite whatever bullet needs bit. He’s unique and intelligent and wonderful.

Though I may be bias.

Is it annoying to read about one’s love for another human? Sorry. I mean, it is his birthday so…… Long story short, I feel like the luckiest person alive to have K on my team.

We don’t always agree. We’re not always on the same page. But he’s the best. And tomorrow he’ll be 29. And I can’t wait to celebrate tomorrow and 50 years from tomorrow.