Being OK With Being Enough

Lately I’ve been struggling with self-worth. I’ve noticed moments of jealousy, comparison, anger, judgement, and frustration pop up. I know- even in those moments- that my reactions are a result of being unhappy with myself, but I have been struggling with silencing the negative voices and curing my insecurities at their root.

I can feel the spiral as it’s happening, which is incredibly frustrating because isn’t the biggest “cure” of anxiety or wild emotions the ability to be aware of your triggers and emotions as they happen? I am fully aware of them- sometimes I even say aloud, “Audrey, what is wrong with you? Chill! Why are you feeling this way?!” But they’re still there.

I’ve been advised to invest in the awareness route. I tend to shut down emotionally or dive head first into distraction when things become overwhelming. I know that’s not right or healthy, but it’s a comfortable band aid. I’m going to give the awareness approach a shot next month, though. We’ll be flying to Dallas and I plan to NOT distract myself into oblivion and, instead, embrace every moment of the flight. (WISH ME LUCK. WOOF.)

But it’s tough to apply this practice when it comes to emotions. I am OVER THE DAMN MOON for my friends and their accomplishments. I’m even happy for acquaintances and strangers who have good things happen for them. But every once in a while, usually when I’m overwhelmed with 15 other things, I feel envy or judgement creep into my happy heart and turn it bitter. It’s frustrating.

I want to be skinnier, good at my job, more charismatic. I want to write a book and grow my own vegetables and travel with friends. I want to kick my flying fear to the curb and cure my lifelong acne and enjoy coconut milk. And honestly, no one is standing in my way. But Bitter Betty is a sneaky b*tch.

I am a STRONG girls support girls & empowered women empower women advocate but I am a human, too. I can be a catty, mean person in my head and to myself at times. I’m always looking for a way to fix that.

All that to say, if you’re riding any certain struggle bus today we can share a seat. No one is perfect. You vent to me and I’ll vent to you, and together we can figure out ways to be kinder, gentler, graceful humans in this world of comparison.

*I know things are tough right now. Speak up, donate, and love your neighbor fiercely.

 

Random December Thoughts

I haven’t post a collection of random thoughts in a quick minute so …

Well let’s kick this off with a weird one.
Sometimes, while sitting in the bathroom, I think to myself how fortunate females are because we sit down to do our business. I mean, anything we go to the bathroom to accomplish (besides throwing up), can be done in the same position. Meanwhile, if a guy steps into the bathroom to go #1 and he finds that his bowels have other plans, he has to turn around and sit quickly OR shuffle from the urinal to the toilet.
*I asked K if he’s ever had a bathroom experience were a guy at the neighboring urinal quickly changed his mind and stepped into a stall. He says never in his life. I’m skeptical.

I’m unnaturally happy about the newest royal engagement. I feel warm and fuzzy when I think about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. I don’t know them, I don’t keep close tabs on the family, I don’t have a crazy crush on the prince- I just love that they look so happy and healthy.

Do you say “bless me” when you sneeze? Because I do and it makes K crazy. He says you can say excuse me (for yourself) or bless you (for others), but bless me is just self-centered. We had a drawn out argument over this at work a few weeks ago… Looking for real feedback here.

A few weekends ago I went to Hocking Hills in southern Ohio with two of my best friends, Enzo, and Kayla’s dog Ernie. We hot tub-ed, hiked, drank too much wine, and just had a really fun time. If you can, take a girls’ trip πŸ™‚ The cabin was only 2 or 3 hours from all of us (we all live in different cities in OH) and we found a weekend to just go. Your trip doesn’t have to be miles and miles away!

My brother and sister-in-law pay attention to my blog and they asked for a Christmas list. So I’m randomly throwing in some things that fall under the “want” category this Christmas…

  • Chunky knit blanket (example)… I don’t care where it comes from. I just like ’em.
  • This book preordered. It doesn’t release until the end of January.
  • A make-up holder and a brush cleaner.
  • A watch. (I don’t know what I want… smallish and minimalist, but quirky.)
  • This mug. This sweatshirt and this sweatshirt. And either this doormat or this one.
  • This poster. I really want the artwork with Leo’s story from TWW, but I can’t find one I like on etsy 😦

Is that enough stuff, Fred? πŸ˜‰

Share a random thought with me. (Also, do you say “bless me”???)

Comparing Apples to Orange to Instagram

I don’t discuss my full time job here very often (ever? ) but I work for an appraisal company. A large part of my day is spent comparing commercial properties to one another (or comparing markets or construction quality or amenities…). All day long I make comparisons- it’s second nature now.

In valuing property, comparisons are necessary. That’s 100% the opposite when it comes to valuing our lives- comparing ourselves to one another is so dangerous and toxic. I think all bloggers tackle this problem in a post at some point, but just recently I witnessed individual friends get down on themselves after making comparisons. That led to a self-evaluation where I realized that I tend to put pressure on myself, my marriage, my relationships, and even my dogs after comparing myself/us/them to someone else.

We all do it. I have mommy friends that compare themselves to other moms (or compare their child’s development to other children). I have friends in the dating pool that compare themselves to other people who are dating or recently engaged. I have married friends that ask K and IΒ  about our relationship and then compare us to their life. I’m sure that parents of adult-children compare their lives to other older parents (i.e. how often their kids come around, whether or not they’re grandparents, how close they are to retirement). There’s no age restriction on comparing- we all do it.

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I enjoy social media, but we know those perfect snapshot moments don’t help. Engagements, pregnancy announcements, new houses- they makes us wonder if we’re where we should be in life. Tropical vacations, perfectly cooked dinners, beautifully lit trees and steaming cups of tea- we wonder how others manage to have it all and what we should be doing differently to achieve it, too.

A few days ago I talked a friend off a proverbial ledge. She’d had a great day and was feeling good, but then she looked around and started second guessing what was happening to her in comparison to others. We both came to the conclusion that these ‘harmless’ comparisons were making her dangerously unhappy. It’s ok to want what we want and it’s ok to look to others as examples, but we can’t idolize other relationships or careers or lives. First of all, we’re all different and things never work out the same way for one as they do another. Secondly, we don’t actually know how glamorous (or tragic) someone’s life is. And, regardless, it doesn’t matter- you have your life and there’s no Freaky Friday fortune cookie that going to swap it with another person.

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I am happy with who I am and the life I live and the place I’m at- but I still fall victim to comparison more often than I’d like to admit. I glance across the aisle and see how someone else is doing on their wife test or employee test or friend test. I try to put myself on a grading scale. How am I doing as a daughter? friend? dog owner? Well clearly not as good as so-and-so… just look at those Instagram pictures!

It sucks. And we all do it. And we need to remind one another (gently) to stop. So here’s your reminder today.

Your house is cozy and comfy, even with the cat hair tucked in the corner of the steps. Your tree is just the right size and sparkle for you. People love you for the person you are- they’re not comparing you to anyone so why are you?

Pass the message along and remind someone else that we don’t live in a venn diagram. Pat yourself on the back and then pat someone else’s back. Go after the things you want, not the things you think you’re supposed to want. The people around you are very happy with who you are- you should be, tooΒ  πŸ™‚

You do you, boo.

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You Are Smart! (ep. 2)

Last month I shared a post to remind you that you are great. This month I’m changing the message.

You are smart.

I struggle at least once a week with this. Why do people read faster than me? Why can’t I figure out the tip percentage? Why am I having such a tough time remembering that article I read? Struggling is all part of being human and your intelligence isn’t reflected in those moments. You’re here, reading these words, and that means your brain is working. You remember your manners and you think about how to reach out and spread kindness to friends and family members- that takes some smarts! We all misspell words and accidentally say, “You, too” when the gate agent tells us to enjoy our flight. Laugh it off, crack open a book, show yourself some grace, and bring some kindness and inspiration to the world with your thinking skills!

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Now it’s time to brag:
Tell me something that’s made you feel especially smart or wise in the last few days or weeks!!

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You Are Great! (ep.1)

Today I was going to go on a political rant, but then I decided not to. First of all, you can probably guess how I feel. But secondly- and more seriously- there is too much negativity floating around in my world (and probably yours), so today I’m filling this space with positivity. And on that note…

You are great.

You are a smart and capable human. I’m sure you’re facing some serious struggles right now, but you have so many people who love you! And you are going to do awesome things today, tomorrow, and in your lifetime. Don’t get tripped up on today’s problems- soon enough they’ll be old news. Put on your favorite shirt. Treat yourself to your favorite dessert. Put on some new, wacky nail polish. And never forget that your amazing eyes are reading these words and your amazing brain is processing this paragraph and that’s so incredible- You’re an incredible person!

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This is going to be a monthly thing; we could all use a monthly pep talk. When you need the refresher, check back here to remind yourself how absolutely great you are! (And come back for a new awesome message in September!)

Now it’s time to brag:
Tell me something great that you have done or that has happened for you lately!!

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