I’m Not A Lot of Fun to Be Around

This week M was diagnosed with an inner ear infection. (It’s her second one ever.) We’ve been having some rough nights so I’m actually relieved to find out there’s a reason for the sleeplessness. This ear infection follows a few weeks of the stomach flu (for all of us), insane allergies, and sickness amongst our extended families. Add lack of sleep, missed days of work, and backyard battles between Bristol and the groundhogs… and you’ve got a very grumpy Audrey.

I’d love to say I’m holding it together with the grace of a good Christian Pinterest-mom, but I am very much not. I apologized to K and said, “I know I’m not a lot of fun to be around around.” He informed me that I wasn’t wrong.

How does Joanna Gaines do it? Believe me when I say I am not jealous of her- five children and a home/media conglomerate is not my dream. But is there a Hearth & Hand collection of boxed Gaines-energy…? Because I’d like to order a set.

I have my strengths but I have my weakness, too, and sometimes they shine bright like a diamond. I feel like I’m dropping the ball more often than balancing it. *And it’s a boulder. It might just be a weird stage of pandemic life. I hope it’s just a weird stage of pandemic life. Or maybe this is the new normal as a mom of a toddler who doesn’t sit still EVER.

My kitchen is messy. Our toilets need bleached. I don’t know the last time M “brushed” her teeth. The dogs are behind on flea & tick AND Enzo has an infection. PLUS the deep freeze lost power and I need to scrub the rotten blood out of it. Not to mention the garden beds have weeds, the vacuum is collecting spider webs, and there are actual spiders that M enjoys watching living between the glass and screen in the windows.

I’m like a less glamorous, mildly disgusting Morticia Addams.

Then, this week, someone told me that they think really highly of me.

And it caught me completely off guard.

I try to be very real online and IRL. I try to share the dirt as often as I do the highlights. So… it was just an incredibly flattering compliment from a distant friend (who is equally more so killing it out there in the world).

And so, even if your porcelain bowl is a little more marbled, please know that someone out there thinks you’re doing a swell job. Maybe it’s your spouse, maybe it’s an internet friend, maybe it’s your cat. But someone is cheering for you.

Have a super weekend ❤️

When the Stress Adds Up

I’m just going to free ball it today and let the words fly.

The past 6 days have been incredibly stressful. I wake up so grateful to have such a tough supportive partner, but when you both carry the same personal and professional stress, it’s just freaking hard.

I thought about listing all the things that have me stressed, but seeing them spelled out isn’t going to help. I’m also not going to list coping mechanisms because I just don’t care right now. I’m stressed and that’s life.

I will say that I handle stress better than I once did. Instead of shutting down or getting ungodly angry or holing up in a dark room to sleep I just cry it out, maybe write a few words, and pull on my big girl pants to handle the situation as best I can.

I’m Type-A, but I’m a realist & I know there are a million things outside my control. I try to plan for the tangible things and limit my worrying when it comes to the rest. (I forgot that yesterday, had a total melt down, and was reminded of this mindset by K. Thank you, dear.)

On top of my normal stress, it stresses me out that I’m probably stressing out the baby. I imagine she’ll emerge as a total neurotic psycho (like her mother) or be the most zen child out there because she lived through the nervous energy that pumped through my body the past 9 month. I’m praying for the latter.

Surprisingly, my anxiety is low. Pregnancy kind of muted my social anxiety and the stress I feel is just pure stress with actual problems as the source. My depression is a sneaky little monster, though. Pregnancy has only fueled that. (But this isn’t about that.)

For the record, I am perfectly ok. The kid moves around and kicks my bladder. I sleep ok at night. I’m eating well. I distract myself with books and dogs. My marriage is great. My mental health is just fine. I could just use a littttttle less stress, but that’s just life.

And I’m not trying to be vague. My stressors aren’t a secret, they’re just mundane and universal. Huge shifts at work, the upcoming travel season (mostly for K this year but I can’t bow out completely), “maternity leave” and what it’s going to look like, etc.

I know I don’t need to say this because you guys don’t ever think the worst of me, but I am well aware of how fortunate I am. I’m excited to welcome a daughter soon, I very much enjoy my job, I live & work with my favorite human on the planet. I am hashtag blessed and I know that. I’m just stressed & rambling, & I appreciate your patience today.

Hopefully your week is a little less ahsadkjfhshg than mine is… And hopefully you have awesome weekend plans! Tell me about them 🙂 We’re going to a race and I honestly cannot wait to drown out my problems with the sound of engines and the smell of tires.

Coffee Talk on a Cold Rainy Morning

Good morning 😊 It’s a little dreary and damp this morning but our drinks will keep us warm. I’m linking up with Kristen & Gretch today to share what’s new. Grab some coffee- let’s chat!

At the start of 2018 I was sick for nearly two weeks. Being sick is so frustrating. After having my throat swabbed and blood tested, I was told it was just a common virus and they couldn’t prescribe any drugs. Infuriating. “Take Tylonel and cough drops for a few days,” they said. More like overdose on Nyquil and pray to the healing goddesses for my lung capacity to come back 😑 Whatever. I’m grateful it’s gone now. After I finished complaining I’d ask how you’re feeling. If you said anything less than “Great!” I’d probably slide away from you. No offense.

Things have been stressful lately 😟 Not my story to tell, but we’ve just had a troubling few weeks. As far as schedules go, January was a slow month for K and I, but things are about to pick up for the next 3 or 4 months (at least). It’s a challenge to juggle professional and personal strife. If we were having coffee I’d ask how life in general is going for you. I hope you’ve have a happy 2018 so far.

On a brighter note, I asked forced two of my best friends to buy concert tickets with me to see Kenny Chesney, Old Dominion, and Thomas Rhett this summer!! (Thanks for the heads up, Laura!) I AM SO EXCITED. We’re seeing them in Columbus so we can pre-game at Kayla’s, uber to the stadium, and uber right back! Easy, cheap, and safe! Have you seen any of these artists live?? I saw Kenny last year and OD the year before that, but I’m SO EXCITED to see them again! Any (summer) concerts in your future??

Speaking of music, I really like Taylor Swift’s album Reputation. It feels good to just turn it up and jam. No shame, friends.

Guys… I’m the weirdo who’s GLAD for some snow before spring turns the whole country icky. (I hate spring… allergies and thunderstorms (which give my dog fits) and mud and the smell of dirt. BLEH.) Are you suffering from the winter blues? I wouldn’t judge you if you said you were ready for spring.

Before we start reaching for our coats and scarves I’d remember to tell you a funny little story. While two of my best friends live hours away, my other bff and her husband and two kids live a short walk away. We moved to her neighborhood in the fall and pinpointed that her house was on a hill a few streets away. Last night we turned off all our lights and she flickered hers off and on and then I did the same. I can’t tell you how hard I laughed at the nearby hillside lighting up and going dark. Totally silly and juvenile, but I love that I have framily so close.

Sigh… my coffee is growing cold. Is yours?

Last but certainly not least, Alexandra and Rachel have been driving the Gratitude Train over at Year of Gratitude since the start of 2018. Every Friday they have a guest contributor and tomorrow it’s me! Pop over there and get a rare Friday dose of me if you want to 😉

What's New With You

It Doesn’t Matter

I had a heart-stopping moment last week. Lately things have been crazy and, in turn, they’ve made me and certain members of my family crazy. We typically hold it together pretty well but this last month or so some of us have had random outbursts of tears or frustration. Between weddings and vacations and work… it’s been stressful.

The week before my brother’s wedding I sat down on the couch to cancel and confirm some hotel reservations. I stuck the dogs out in the fenced-in backyard like I often do on sunny days and I plugged in the laptop so it wouldn’t randomly die. While I sat at home to work on that stuff K was in a car with my dad, cousin, and another groomsmen, all on their way to try on their tuxes. Keep in mind, up until this point I was holding it together pretty well.

So I logged on to check out the reservations and there’s NOTHING THERE. I call my mom because she booked them and this is her account, but she’s pretty clueless about the reservations. Eventually I find them via the booking code (but why they weren’t under “my bookings” is beyond me). So I go through and get ready to cancel a few since today’s the last day to do so and I realize that it’s 6:30pm. The business day is over. The website says there’s now a +$250 fee to cancel half the rooms. In the same breath, my husband calls to say that his tux doesn’t fit and he’ll have to drive 30 minutes north tomorrow and try it on again. Also, the plan for hauling the wedding “get away” car keeps changing and it’s getting frustrating. Also, there’s a knock at the front door but I’m on the phone freaking out to my mom now so who the hell is bothering me right now.

I huff and puff and button my pants (because I was halfway to my room to change into yoga pants when all this started) and I throw the door open. And a girl about my age is standing there with a dog that looks just like Lylee on a tatter blue leash.

“Are these your dogs?” she asks.

My jaw, heart, and stomach all dropped at the same time. I was speechless except for the, “Oh my gosh, yes” that I managed to mutter. I looked past her and saw Enzo dashing across the front yard.

I found my voice and sternly said, “Enzo, COME” and the little escapee stopped in his tracks and made a bee-line past me through the front door. The girl and I unhooked Lylee and I showered her with thanks before closing the door and staring at my two happy, panting dogs.

And then I literally fell to the floor and starting crying because hotel rooms don’t matter. And tuxes don’t matter. I have my two dogs and that’s what matters. The fact that my brother is going to say “I do” and marry a wonderful girl is what matters. I was peeved at my dogs but I nuzzled my face in the necks and cried with joy. I didn’t even know they were gone.

The hotel rooms worked out- I called and they canceled them without a fee. The car made it to and from Columbus. My husband looked incredibly handsome in his tux. Turns out the gate latch didn’t close and Lylee pushed out. And I still have no idea who the girl was that brought my babies home.

It’s jolts to my system like that that keep me grounded. Thank God they don’t happen every day. And thank God for that girl and her timing and her motivation to bring my dogs to me.

Don’t let the trivial things get to you, friends. They don’t matter. ❤︎

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