I’m just going to free ball it today and let the words fly.
The past 6 days have been incredibly stressful. I wake up so grateful to have such a tough supportive partner, but when you both carry the same personal and professional stress, it’s just freaking hard.
I thought about listing all the things that have me stressed, but seeing them spelled out isn’t going to help. I’m also not going to list coping mechanisms because I just don’t care right now. I’m stressed and that’s life.
I will say that I handle stress better than I once did. Instead of shutting down or getting ungodly angry or holing up in a dark room to sleep I just cry it out, maybe write a few words, and pull on my big girl pants to handle the situation as best I can.
I’m Type-A, but I’m a realist & I know there are a million things outside my control. I try to plan for the tangible things and limit my worrying when it comes to the rest. (I forgot that yesterday, had a total melt down, and was reminded of this mindset by K. Thank you, dear.)
On top of my normal stress, it stresses me out that I’m probably stressing out the baby. I imagine she’ll emerge as a total neurotic psycho (like her mother) or be the most zen child out there because she lived through the nervous energy that pumped through my body the past 9 month. I’m praying for the latter.
Surprisingly, my anxiety is low. Pregnancy kind of muted my social anxiety and the stress I feel is just pure stress with actual problems as the source. My depression is a sneaky little monster, though. Pregnancy has only fueled that. (But this isn’t about that.)
For the record, I am perfectly ok. The kid moves around and kicks my bladder. I sleep ok at night. I’m eating well. I distract myself with books and dogs. My marriage is great. My mental health is just fine. I could just use a littttttle less stress, but that’s just life.
And I’m not trying to be vague. My stressors aren’t a secret, they’re just mundane and universal. Huge shifts at work, the upcoming travel season (mostly for K this year but I can’t bow out completely), “maternity leave” and what it’s going to look like, etc.
I know I don’t need to say this because you guys don’t ever think the worst of me, but I am well aware of how fortunate I am. I’m excited to welcome a daughter soon, I very much enjoy my job, I live & work with my favorite human on the planet. I am hashtag blessed and I know that. I’m just stressed & rambling, & I appreciate your patience today.
Hopefully your week is a little less ahsadkjfhshg than mine is… And hopefully you have awesome weekend plans! Tell me about them 🙂 We’re going to a race and I honestly cannot wait to drown out my problems with the sound of engines and the smell of tires.