2021 Check In

I think it might be mutually beneficial to have these monthly or bi-monthly check ins… Changing the calendar didn’t solve the world’s problems (and we knew it wouldn’t), but this year already feels a little more tedious than I expected. I don’t think it’s an entire dumpster fire, but I think the ashes and trash are still smoldering…. so all is not great. Ya know?

Personally, I’m in this weird place where I feel like I’m doing way too much… but that I’m also not doing enough. The other day I requested an application for a court-appointed child caseworker volunteer position. When I was telling K about it he said, “You can do whatever you want, but why do you feel like there’s a hole that needs to be filled with this giant commitment? You already take on so much. Do you need to do this, too?”

I deleted the email with the application.

I am a busy person… When I’m at home I force myself to stay on my feet and clean, organize, pick up, declutter, rearrange, etc. until I’m completely exhausted. I never feel DONE, though. It drives K nuts. And once I sit down on the couch, I pick up my laptop, Kindle, or Switch to entertain myself while watching television.

So right now I’m struggling with knowing that what I’m doing is enough. I mean, on one hand I know that it is… but on the other hand I get a wild hair that says I need to do more.

I’m trying to carry the same grace and forgiveness I had for myself in 2020 into 2021… but it’s a struggle. I think a new year just reminds us how long this insanity has been going on. Sigh. But we’re going to get through it.

Tell me what’s weighing on your mind or heart this month. How has 2021 been shaping up for you? Any major accomplishments we can celebrate? Any areas you’re looking to change your mindset toward? Let’s check in with each other.

What’s New With Me

Most of my blog topic ideas come to me when I’m rocking M to sleep and I can’t jot them down.

Last week I missed SUYB day (because I haven’t finished a book yet this year) & then just said the heck with it and skipped Thursday, too. I have a freelance writing job on the side now and much of my free time and creative juices have been going to that.

I thought I might just share what’s new in my world.

Bristol is starting obedience classes next month and I am pumped. She is incredible when she wants to be & terrible when she doesn’t… It’s at 8pm on Mondays, though, so send prayers & coffee. We’re both ready to be on the couch at that hour.

We’re starting to plan a few things for 2021 and it makes me so excited. Thank Jesus we bought a camper! We’re headed to a few races this year and camping at the tracks. The tracks are having limited spectators and it’s all outside. We’ll bring our own food & drink and sleep in our own beds. It’s as safe as it can be.

We’re also (fingers crossed) planning a low key trip with my family & maybe a girls’ trip later this year. Plus both of my bffs are getting married this year. Yes, the pandemic is still a thing and I am 100% about following the guidelines- but 2021 can’t hold me down. We’ve got lives to (safely) live.

Moo has started walking. She’s also started throwing tantrums. I’m amazed at how she’s becoming more of her own little person each and every day. She’s amazing (and temperamental like her mother…). Her love for her daddy & the dogs makes me melt every freaking day.

We don’t qualify for the vaccine yet in our house but I am SO grateful that some of my friends and family have been able to get it or get on a waiting list. I’m excited for tomorrow. I’m hoping a new year and a new administration can hit reset on some of the stresses we’ve been carrying. No single person can fix or change the entire system, but I’m praying the US is moving in a better, more unified direction.

At the end of 2020 K and I jumped on the Dave Ramsey train and then jumped off (lol). I like his method but I don’t love his madness. We’re cracking down on financial goals and hopefully moving in a healthier direction with money.

Beyond all that, I can’t think of anything else to share. I started and finished Bridgerton- which was the perfect little escape. I’ve been diligently working on my island on Animal Crossing (hahaha). About 30% of our Christmas decorations still need taken down. And Enzo is still perfection except for his stank-breath (& he steals K’s seat every time he gets up, lol).

What’s something mundane but new in your world?

1461+ Days of Anger

I am so tired of being angry. The body isn’t made for four years of anger and fear and frustration. I know I am not alone & I know it’s a privilege to just declare that I’m done being angry (I’m not). But dammit… my body and mind are so worn out. And the treasonous morons in the Capitol Building this week stirred up the waters that had since calmed in November.

I have noticed that I spend a lot of time policing my anger. I am gracious and polite to people who would not and do not extend the same courtesy to me. It sucks my energy and my patience, and by the time I get home to my family- the people who matter more to me than anyone or anything in the world- I have nothing left for them. I’m exhausted and short tempered and checked out.

Seems backward to me.

And so I just cannot and will not do it. They will see the judgement on my face when they say something terrible. My absence will be felt where I do not feel comfortable. My friend lists and following tab will diminish. And I don’t feel bad. Because my people get my good and gracious energy- not the world.

I am a dedicated subscriber to “If you can’t say something nice…” and “Kindness is always cool”, but I’m also a pretty big fan of “Take no sh*t.” And so I’m moving forward with a reservation and preservation for self. And I’m teaching M that in addition to telling men where to go when they suggest she “smile more”, she’s also under no obligation ever to stick around when she’s uncomfortable nor grin-and-bear-it when people are being especially cruel and hateful.

I’m tired of being nice.

Goodbye 2020!

I know we’re supposed to hate 2020, but if I’m being honest it was a relatively ok (dare I say good?) year for me… Compared to 2019, I would do 2020 again in a heartbeat. 2019 chewed us up and spit us out. Then stepped on us and lit us on fire.

I know that 2020 was an awful year for many many people, though. I don’t discredit that and if you’re someone who suffered terribly these past 12 months please know I’m thinking about you and praying for you. I, too, am looking forward to hopefully never having another year like that again.

But as I said, 2020 wasn’t the worst year I’ve had. We got to spend SO much time with Moo. We got to hog her for holidays and witness so many milestones. We had a forced slow down with work (through which we tried so hard to maintain and take care of employees) and we didn’t travel one single place after March. After years of professional go-go-going, it was weird. And it was eye opening. And it’s helped us to prioritize a little more going forward.

We are lucky that our family has been mostly healthy and safe. A few of us have had COVID, but we haven’t had any loss in our family and I am so grateful for this. My heart breaks for those who’ve had a year marked by death.

I still haven’t convinced K to get me a kitten. We bought a camper. We cancelled countless trips. We fought over whose mask was whose. We survived sleep regressions and teething. We had groceries delivered and quiet holidays. We had a slow year that I very ironically wished for at the end of 2019.

So here’s the normal pic recap…

New Years! | Finished nursery | Baby Moo | Fender Bender | Fly to TX | Moo at the Alamo | K drumming | Swiss relative visit | Pandemic yoga w/ best friends
Lots of family walks | Baby Moo | Easter | First taste of cereal | Green beans fail | Hike w/ Bristol | Anniversary pic | Kayla’s Matron of Honor! | Off to buy a new truck
Aub engaged! | Cousin graduates | Family cookout | First Moo swim | M actually likes food | K takes up cooking | Moo 6 months! | Lots of front porch time | K’s 1st Father’s Day
Bike trailer for M | Zoo | 4th of July | 1st camping trip | Bought a camper | Family front porch time | 1st time in our camper | Family fun | F&C buy a house
Purple hair | Fall | Kayla’s dress!| Social Distance get-together | Baby Cooper | Bday hike | Halloween | COVID | Corvette pics
Big girl! | Friday’s with AJ | Outdoor hangs | Thanksgiving | 12 month pics | Moo’s 1st Bday! | Xmas tree | Merry Christmas! | Christmas morning

It was a weird year, but looking back it seems we made the most of it. Here’s to 2021 being better than its predecessor. Honestly… it shouldn’t be tough.

Hopefully you find some bright spots when looking back on your year, too!

Chats With K

One week and one day until Christmas! Woo!

That’s a weak lead-in to some pretty humorous* chats with K that I jotted down…
*in my opinion

K: I need DEF. [for his truck]
Me: … Mos Def? LL COOL J. Luda. Biggie biggie biggie. Tupac
K: *just stares at me*
Me: Want to name 90s rapper with me?
K: Mos Def is an actor. 
Me: He’s both. Like Ice Cube. 
K: …
Me: Ice-T?
K: There ya go. 


Me: You have a booger. 
K: I know! I feel it. 
Me: Did you put it there?
K: Yep. 
Me: Have you named it?
K: Yeah, Batman. 
Me: …because it’s in the cave. 
K: I call him Bruce. 


Me: Can you look at the timer?
K: Yep. 
Me: …
K: …
Me: Can you tell me what it says? 


K: Bristol is stoned tonight. 
Me: How many drops of the cbd oil did you give her?
K: Just five like the bottle says. 

Three hours later & Bristol has been asleep the entire time. 

Me: How many did you really give her?
K: … eight. 


K: Whoaaaa. The girl I married wouldn’t have out these black flecks on the veggies! (pepper)
Me: The girl you knew is all grown up.
K: …that girl just made little smokies for dinner. 


Me to Moo: You about ready for a nap, babe?
K: Yeah. 
Me: Is she giving sleepy cues?
K: No, I meant me. 


Me*while watching Dan & Shay perform with Justin Bieber*: You know, I’ve never in my life found Justin Bieber attractive but this might do it. 
K: Oh yeah?
Me: I mean, they say he is very talented.
K: Yeah, he just leaves monkeys in Germany.


K: They just called the Goo Goo Dolls classic rock. 
Me: Yeah… they are. What would you call them?
K: Just rock. 
Me: How old does a car have to be to be considered classic?
K: …25 years. 
Me: And when did the Goo Goo Dolls start? 
K: Leave me alone.

In his defense, most of Twitter was outraged to hear the Goo Goo Dolls referred to as classic. Lol