Audrey Relationships

Eight Years

This season of life is not conducive to blog writing… When I get a moment of “free” time I spend it cleaning or watching television or playing a video game or- rarely- reading. I’m not drawn to this space because I don’t have the energy or creativity to contribute much.

But I always make an anniversary post and today is our 8th wedding anniversary.

Eight.

(We’ve been a couple for nearly 14 years.)

This has been another stressful trip around the sun- although I still believe 2019 tested us beyond anything we’ve ever experienced. I’m always amazed by my husband’s ability to handle stress. In the moments that I know would break me, he does what needs to be done and doesn’t flinch.

Over the last 8+ years I have watched him dedicate everything to the things and people he cares about. His company. Lylee. Me (especially during my PPD). Maddie.
When I’m afraid I have nothing more to give he steps in and both contributes AND lifts me back on my feet.

I’m not sure you can ask for much more in a life partner.

I should add this has also been an incredible trip around the sun, too. M is a totally different human than she was on our 7th anniversary. She is a perfect blend of us. She’s everything we want and need, and this past year watching her become her has been awesome. Again, I’m so lucky to share her with K.

It’s been good & bad. Every year is good and bad. I’m just grateful to get through another one with my other half.

Happy Anniversary, my love.

-A

Audrey Humor, Relationships

Chats With K

One week and one day until Christmas! Woo!

That’s a weak lead-in to some pretty humorous* chats with K that I jotted down…
*in my opinion

K: I need DEF. [for his truck]
Me: … Mos Def? LL COOL J. Luda. Biggie biggie biggie. Tupac
K: *just stares at me*
Me: Want to name 90s rapper with me?
K: Mos Def is an actor. 
Me: He’s both. Like Ice Cube. 
K: …
Me: Ice-T?
K: There ya go. 

Me: You have a booger. 
K: I know! I feel it. 
Me: Did you put it there?
K: Yep. 
Me: Have you named it?
K: Yeah, Batman. 
Me: …because it’s in the cave. 
K: I call him Bruce. 

Me: Can you look at the timer?
K: Yep. 
Me: …
K: …
Me: Can you tell me what it says? 

K: Bristol is stoned tonight. 
Me: How many drops of the cbd oil did you give her?
K: Just five like the bottle says. 

Three hours later & Bristol has been asleep the entire time. 

Me: How many did you really give her?
K: … eight. 

K: Whoaaaa. The girl I married wouldn’t have out these black flecks on the veggies! (pepper)
Me: The girl you knew is all grown up.
K: …that girl just made little smokies for dinner. 

Me to Moo: You about ready for a nap, babe?
K: Yeah. 
Me: Is she giving sleepy cues?
K: No, I meant me. 

Me*while watching Dan & Shay perform with Justin Bieber*: You know, I’ve never in my life found Justin Bieber attractive but this might do it. 
K: Oh yeah?
Me: I mean, they say he is very talented.
K: Yeah, he just leaves monkeys in Germany.

K: They just called the Goo Goo Dolls classic rock. 
Me: Yeah… they are. What would you call them?
K: Just rock. 
Me: How old does a car have to be to be considered classic?
K: …25 years. 
Me: And when did the Goo Goo Dolls start? 
K: Leave me alone.

In his defense, most of Twitter was outraged to hear the Goo Goo Dolls referred to as classic. Lol

Audrey Humor, Relationships

Chats With K

Hi! Welcome to another edition of chats with K (a.k.a. my husband).

While browsing bridesmaid dresses for my bff’s wedding.
Me: Ooh, I like this one but it’s a high-low and she said long.
K: What the hell is a “high-low”?
Me: Shorter in the front and longer in the back.
K: Oh, a mullet dress.

Me: We need to talk about something. *launches into a parenting theory and how it applies to what we’re doing with M and eventually lands on the conclusion that we’re doing things right and we probably don’t need to change*
K: … … … ok.
Me: I guess we didn’t really need to talk about anything. I could’ve kept that in my head.
K: Yeah… that’s very true.

Me: You’re chewing gum. You don’t usually chew gum.
K: I had an eye doctor appointment today and they were right in my face.
Me: But… you had a mask on…
K: Farts go through pants!

After walking up the stairs to put M down for a nap…
K: Have you started feeding her yet?
Me: No, why? Do you need something?
K: I need you to come here a minute….
I walk back down the stairs & K meets me there.
K: Ok, I’ll take her *scoops M from my arms* and you need to go kill the big black fuzzy thing on the window sill. You should take a shoe. Or a shotgun.

*It was a spider. K hates spiders.

After an extremely stressful day at work and 20 minutes of yelling for Bristol to stop attacking a bird in the backyard and then cleaning up the dead bird/wiping blood off the dog….
K: How are you not drinking wine yet…!?

I think I took a glass of wine to bed with me after that last conversation. LOL. Thank goodness M was asleep for most of that!

Audrey Relationships

Chats with K

The world is depressing and heavy right now so today I’m sharing some recent conversations with K that are neither depressing nor heavy.

Me: How’s she doing?
K: Good. I’m a snot machine in the other hand.
Me: What color?
K: Clear.
Me: …that was a very “mom question” wasn’t it?
K: Yes. 

*while in the car*
Me: Uh oh.
K: What?
Me: I think I smell a poopy diaper.
K: … um no. That was me. I farted. 

Me: If you die first I’m putting mascara on you in your casket.
K: No you’re not.
Me: I am.
K: If you die first I’m having a party.
*a little context here: K has beautiful eyelashes. I’ve been asking to put mascara on them since we first started dating…*

Me: Why are you so testy tonight?
K: Because I made our daughter bleed while clipping her nails!
Me: Ok, but that’s not my fault. She’s fine. Don’t take it out on me.
K: I’m taking it out on everyone.
Me:
K:
Me: Ok, well I’m going to go to laundry because it’s more fun than you right now. 

Find a reason to smile, friends. And wash your hands!