If you’re new here, you need the basic knowledge that I work with/for my husband. He started a company 7+ years ago and I started full-time about 2.5 years ago.
And now you’re all caught up.
When I made the decision to leave my former job and join K, we had so many people doubt us. More than half of our friends and family has something negative or apprehensive to say. I don’t blame them- working with your spouse can be r.o.u.g.h.
Honestly, 88% of the time I love it. It’s a situation that works for us. We try to talk about work things at work and home things at home, but sometimes the worlds mesh. But I like that, too. (Not always, of course.) Also, our job duties rarely overlap so we’re kind of in our own little worlds all day with the option to pop in and visit one another or go to lunch together. Yeah, K is my boss, but he’s mostly hands off unless I’m totally lost or floundering. (Is “hands off” a cheeky phrase to use when talking about your husband as your boss? Lol.)
We like our jobs and love the company, but I’m a realist and I don’t edit out the sh*t moments so today I’m here to be 100% up front with you and rant about share the downsides to working with your spouse.
I’m not complaining; I’m being honest. And these things apply to us because K owns the company. I know it’d be different if we were both employees.
1. The guilt is real when it comes to taking time off. There are minimal people who work in the office so inevitably, when one of us is gone, the others have to pick up the slack. I know the self care mantra and the “you have sick days available-use them!” mindset is healthy, but it doesn’t exist without guilt when you’re sitting at home and your spouse is possibly picking up your slack. (At least for me.)
I have already had a break down over maternity leave. I want it, and I know it’s important, but we’re going to be going through a huge transition around that time and it KILLS me that I’ll be at home “doing nothing.” (I know I’m not doing nothing and K has told me time and time again how important my role at home will be during those weeks.) I just hate that I’m not helping the company. AND I want K to enjoy some paternity leave too with our little one. Honestly, this is something we’re still figuring out.
2. Do you ever get frustrated with your boss? Or, if you’re a supervisor, do you ever get annoyed with an employee? When that individual is your romantic partner it can make for a stressful dinner later that night.
We rarely get completely pissed at one another, but that’s because of good communication, quick forgiveness, and the willingness to compartmentalize OR just let things go. We don’t let things go very easily, so if we have a work problem we try to solve it before the end of the work day.
Sometimes a post-work detour to Target to cool down is just what the doctor ordered.
3. It’s very strange to carry the exact same stress as your spouse. We both carry similar personal stress, household stress, family stress, financial stress, AND work stress. It’s tough to vent or talk it out when you’re both already feeling the pressure.
4. That’s not to say we don’t have individual stress. It kills me that I can’t help when K is so stressed out and upset over a situation that is beyond my control/department. And at the same time, when someone pisses me off at work I know it frustrates him that he can’t step in and solve the problem because it’s not a situation that calls for the boss to get involved. There are plenty of nights we both lay awake thinking about job stress that neither one of us can help the other with.
5. Obviously we’re together a lot. We work and live and sleep and vacation next to one another. Two things have come from this. First of all, neither one of us feels guilty when we go do something on our own. He does a guys lunch with some of the men in my family on Saturdays. I love my alone time on weekends. I go to dinner with friends or visit my brother in Columbus and K stays home to decompress or get some work done. We’re both fine with independent actives in our free time. But secondly, we also recognize that time we’re together has to be allotted for the activity. Working together isn’t “quality time” together. It’s work. We still enjoy date nights and breakfast on the weekends and lounging on the couch together.
I know I’m fortunate to work with K. I know some couples spend a few hours together at night and that’s it or they work opposite shifts. Honestly, once we have a kid I think it’ll be nice to have some time where it’s just “us” again at work. But today I’m just airing all the little issues that still arise in our unique situation.
And of course I didn’t cover them all. My relationship with K is obviously different than every other employee here. And I’m sure our marital relationship has been changed and affected by our working situation. But digging into all that is too much for this post. Lol
I’m not even sure this was interesting, but it’s a peek at my life and some food for thought if you’ve ever imagined yourself working closely with a romantic partner. (I know a few of y’all DO work with your spouse.) Is working with your husband or wife (or girl/boyfriend) something you’d ever want to do?
