We’ve all been there. (Well, those of us with a XX sex chromosome.) Sitting in that chilly, white-walled exam room wearing nothing but an open-front cloth gown, that comfy paper “blanket” over our bare legs. It’s my second favorite place, only to a spa. Feeling vulnerable and naked is the best. (…sarcasm)

I was treated to this luxury on Tuesday. Like all good doctor offices, I was left to wait in this exposed state for roughly 20 minutes. That’s a long time to sit naked on a plush bench. It leaves a lot of time for my thoughts to wander and roam. Here’s a pretty accurate recapulation…

‘I wonder if my nervous butt sweat is leaving an imprint on this paper.’

‘What if she finds some weird growth…?’

‘Oh geez. Please don’t find anything weird.’

‘I should’ve shaved my legs.’

‘I wonder how many times Dr. ____ has to look at lady parts per day.’

‘What makes you want that job??’

‘…then again, that’d be kind of interesting.’

‘Weird, Audrey.’

‘My feet are freezing.’

‘What’s this weird red mark? I hope she sees it and diagnoses me.’

‘What if it’s skin cancer?? I better ask her.’

‘That weird clamp thing is so gross. What if it got stuck open?’

*chills thinking about that*

‘I really do like my doctor, but I wish she’d hurry up.’

‘I can’t imagine having a male ob/gyn.’

‘She’s going to ask me if I exercise. Should I lie? I’m going to lie.’

‘Yeah, right. I’ll definitely tell her the truth.’

‘No I don’t exercise, Yes I drink alcohol. At least I can say, “No I don’t smoke.”‘

‘One outta three ain’t bad.’

‘Ughhh. I only have an hour lunch break, lady!’

‘Was that her voice on the other side of the door?’

‘Oh crap, my gown just opened.’

‘….I guess that doesn’t matter much. She’ll see it all soon anyway.’

‘Man, I hope there’s nothing weird going on down there.’

‘Crap, I have to pee…’

And that’s usually when the door opens and the doctor comes in. And you guys know how it goes from there.

For the record, I have a clean bill of health. Woo. So until March 2017… See ya later, doctor ‘gator.

Today I’m going to link-up with Gretchen and Kristen for What’s New With You!